Letter to the mother who bought my daughter a binder

[MnaWoman]

Did you do the research that I did when I told her no?
The research that shows that 97% of women who wear binders go on to have at least one negative complication. Did you believe her when she said she’d wear it correctly? Did the 97% also promise that they would wear out correctly?

Will you also buy her puberty blockers as she wants those too?
Will you take her to a doctor when she develops osteoporosis in her 20s? I developed it in my 40s after having a normal puberty. It’s part of my family’s medical history. When she develops one of the common side effects of puberty blockers like depression will you tell her that this odd what she wanted?

Will you buy her cross sex hormones as she wants those too?
And when she needs a prophylactic hysterectomy on her 20s in order to mitigate against the increased risk of cancer will you look after her while she recovers? And when she has a painful sex like due to vaginal atrophy will you tell her that you were just doing what she asked?

My daughter is 13.

Is there anything we can do to help you and your daughter?

I am so sorry to hear this OP.

What a shocking thing to discover! I have experienced my teen’s friends giving permission for their friends to have their binders delivered to their houses (I have NO idea how they get this delivered in reality unless parents are working away from the home. I told my teen that this was never ok as it was). But I have never heard of another parent actually ordering it. That is a very scary over reach.

It hasn’t arrived to this mothers house yet. So I can’t remove it.

She’s the mother of one of my daughter’s friends.

OP. I'm currently reeling from the news that my daughter's school have changed her pronouns and name without my consent.

I would be tearing that mum a new arsehole

It's her friend's mother? That is outrageous. Doesn't she have any sense of boundaries?

I would be apoplectic!

I assume you've stopped your daughter having any contact whatsoever with this family?

I would also be investigating any possible legal action you could take against this woman, in case anything else happens.

What a bitch.

All the best op, not sure what to advise

How disgusting of this woman. It isn't her place at all! I hope you've told her that she needs to return it and keep her nose out of your daughters business. I also think a conversation with your daughter about the issues you're concerned about could be very good for you both too. As this mother hasn't just done this off her own back without prompting.

I would confront her.

The audacity!

If it’s a school friend I’d ask the school for advice. The mother should be ashamed of herself.

That's appalling.

My DD is also 13, and asked to wear a binder. We have talked endlessly and made referrals for her to talk to professionals, as I am not one.

The thought of someone going behind my back like that makes me livid.

We don't allow under 18s to have a tattoo because they are too young to understand the implications of ink yet it's fine for a child to take serious medication, bind, etc. Things that have far more serious and life changing consequences than something you can have taken off with lasers. Wtf?

In some years we will be seeing lawsuits from these children as they feel the effects of the treatments they had when any reasonable person should have known they were a) too young to make such decisions and b) influenced by it apparently being cool, trendy and edgy to be 'trans' (in a portion of cases)

Despicable woman. I am so, so sorry, and angry on your behalf, MnaWoman..

How did you find out? Did your DD tell you? Can you stop this woman having any more contact with your DD?

This is awful OP

Can you take it further?

Is she just a random woman or does she work for a clinic or something?

Whilst I do not support the buying of the binder by your friend. From experience your daugther will find someway to or other to get a binder.

My daugther's friend has been transgender for 8 years from age of 13 and her family have flatly refused to accept, acknowledge or support. The emotional sturggle he has gone through is heartbreaking, his family won't even call his by his name they refer to his birth name.

Thankfully my daughter's friend has a fantastic network who provide the support he needs.

I think you should also write a letter to your daughter and accept a letter back about the reasons she want a binder.

That's overstepping all boundaries I can think of.

OP

This woman is a danger to girls.

How did you find out? From your DD?

As this mother hasn't just done this off her own back without prompting

Definitely not. Regardless of whether it is overstepping the mark or not, this woman has bought your DD a binder for a reason. My guess is that your DD has gone to her friends house and become very upset. Maybe she feels as though you don't take her seriously? I can remember being 13 - often feeling like my parents were against me. Perhaps her friends mother has gone all soft-hearted, not really knowing what a binder entails?

This needs understanding and careful handling rather than anger and outrage, else you risk pushing your DD further away.

Please please dont let her do this.

I was touched inappropriately as a child and as a result had massive issues with my breasts growing. I didn't have a binder but I used to try and bind them with any means I could. They didn't develop as they should, and now I'm in my late twenties and expecting my first child I'm facing the reality that I likely will not be able to breastfeed. I don't know if what I did was definitley the cause, it might just have been congenital but I wish I'd been able to talk openly to my mum about it.

This woman has overstepped the line massively.

If you feel up to it, I think you should report the mother.

I'd be tempted to smack her a few times around the face too but I guess that wouldn't be constructive.

As if we needed more examples of what a weird damaging pervasive ideology this is.

How ever did we and all previous generations of girls manage when so many were closeted trans men, why aren't we all retrospectively coming out, oh right yes, because a tiny proportion of people are actually trans FFS.

This imbecile of a woman is probably congratulating herself on how marvellous she is. How dare she! I'm so sorry you were undermined like this.

WOW....

@MnaWoman Are you going to confront her?

@kissmelittleass

Can I ask what a binder is please, genuinely never heard of it

Is your Google broken?

Perhaps take her kid for a tattoo! Joking obviously, but it is a similar level of overreach! Right side of history my arse. Definitely contact the school.

I would refer this to your local authority safeguarding team.