Trans Widows Escape Committee 5: And so it continues...

[TinselAngel]

Welcome to thread 5. A virtual prize for anyone who can guess the geeky sci fi reference in the thread title.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

In four years we have gone from starting the first thread, to launching a website, to be invited to give evidence to a government inquiry, which is pretty spectacular when you think about it.

Thanks to all the women who have told their stories and particularly to those who have stuck around to help others. Thanks also to @socialworker222 who remains nice cop, to my stern cop.

Do say hello to start the thread off!

Well done, @TinselAngel. I can only hope it actually is taken seriously by the "woke."

@themiserychick - how long until you can put your plan into action? How stressful for you. You shouldn't have to justify why you want to leave him.

@TinselAngel, it is a really great response, thanks for sharing it here.

@themiserychick, I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time, and hope things calm down for you soon. Having a plan for getting out of the situation is a terrific first step.

@themiserychick
Sorry I haven’t read other details but you should ask him to leave your parents place.
No ifs no buts

@SouthernTW. I've started applying for jobs, so once I get one I'll have the talk with him. Hopefully it won't take too long, I'm going back into childcare as a preschool teacher (which I really didn't want to) and I'm betting that there won't be too much competition because usually people (mostly women) with a teaching degree go into schools, plus there's apparently a shortage of early childhood educators at the moment.

I really don't want to deal with the emotional fallout of kicking him out right now. I don't have the mental strength for it at the moment.

It's a great piece of work, and a lot of work. For our voice to be heard formally and openly is a great step forward and a counter to the mainstream media presentation of families and partners impacted by this experience. Thank you Tinsel.

Might be of interest to one of you here:

twitter.com/transwidows/status/1405574216343343108?s=21

@TinselAngel It's like, I'd love to speak with someone, but they'd have to guarantee my anonymity and I'm afraid (due to the fact I'm not exactly a shrinking violet), I'd say something that would be taken out of context. Something to think about...

I read...I think this is Forstater's solicitors statement? So eloquent. Gives me a bit of hope.

www.linkedin.com/pulse/forstater-judgment-what-next-peter-daly/?fbclid=IwAR09631mwZgvsuNwrD6REs5ook5Nx6WnWG71s3w_29GYBRFObxnGoUyIfeE

"Trans widows’ fear being trapped in loveless marriages if gender law changes" in today's Telegraph
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4275436-trans-widows-fear-being-trapped-in-loveless-marriages-if-gender-law-changes-in-today-s-telegraph

That's amazing Tinsel (NC because of TRA ex cyber stalking me)

Thanks Tinsel, great article.

I notice that this thread is now under "Sex and gender debate" rather than feminism. Not sure how I feel about that.

Not sure many people are happy about the change chick. Good you're looking st work and your own future. You have to conserve your energies and move ahead in stages. I can understand why you're biding your time before asking him to leave. I planned to wait then couldn't stand it any more... Good luck.

Our situations and struggles are not a debate, and I don't think that it's really part of the "debate" even though it does involve sex and gender. This thread is for support. Just imagine if a new woman who is struggling with her partner's gender issues finds this thread and sees that it's under "sex and gender debate" she may well back away thinking that it will be discussions about whether she should be supportive or not.

Feminism - about us.
Sex and gender debate - about them.

I agree. I have asked for the threads to be moved.

@TinselAngel can it be pointed out that the Transwidow threads do not come under the heading “debate” and housing them under “sex and gender debate” makes some of us nervous that this will encourage people to interrupt and retraumatise us as I described to a disruptive poster earlier on in this thread alone.

I hope everyone is well

I agree. This is a support thread. We don't need "debate", which is a risk any more gaslighting by people who are not going through these traumatic experiences.

This safe support space falls neatly under womens' rights and the last thing women seeking support here need is people arguing with them about the status of their partners and ex-partners. As Tinsel often notes, we get, or had, enough of that at home.

I know I'm generally quiet, but just popping up to say that if I'd first com across these threads under sex and gender debate, I would have never posted or continued reading. I would not have felt safe. There's enough debate with 'inclusive' friends etc who don't understand the lived reality. Enough debate at home as Tinsel says. This is not a debate about sex or gender. It's a support thread.

Very well put Coffee particularly about safety. The thought of argument or harassment would be very off-putting. We're watching the change of category closely.

I have asked for MNHQ to move the thread back to Feminism Chat and they have refused, and will not elaborate as to why.

They offered instead to move it to "Relationships" but that's an even worse option. I'm sorry I've not been able to fix this.

De lurking to say how wrong that decision is, @TinselAngel, and to offer support

Do you think it would help if we did a petition of this group's membership?

@QuinnMovesOn

Do you think it would help if we did a petition of this group's membership?

I don't know, I guess it wouldn't hurt.

How strongly do we feel? It's a choice between being somewhere with "debate" in the title but where at least we know the other women have our backs, or being somewhere with a better title but where the clientele may not understand us as well. Hobson's Choice really.

I'm fucking furious. This is not appropriate. Mumsnet have made it clear what they think of us.
'Women's rights' is about debating sex and gender, apparently. Whereas 'Feminism' is inclusive.

Given the paucity of choice (and looking at the other goady threads) I think I'd prefer the threads to go in 'Relationships'. That board is generally about support, not debating.

How awful! How about Divorce thread or something to do with Widows support? Still prefer feminism though. No debate springs to mind!

Hmm. I'm really torn on this one. It would be good to be reminded of how people found us on here as it might help decide. Is it a matter of Googling 'my husband wants to be a woman or specifically ''transwidow'? Might we get diluted on Relationshios? Pondering...