Trans Widows Escape Committee 5: And so it continues...

[TinselAngel]

Welcome to thread 5. A virtual prize for anyone who can guess the geeky sci fi reference in the thread title.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

In four years we have gone from starting the first thread, to launching a website, to be invited to give evidence to a government inquiry, which is pretty spectacular when you think about it.

Thanks to all the women who have told their stories and particularly to those who have stuck around to help others. Thanks also to @socialworker222 who remains nice cop, to my stern cop.

Do say hello to start the thread off!

[socialworker222]

Good to hear from you Southern. My ex transitioned at a rapid rate and vast expense (instead of course of paying fair child maintenance 🙄). There is an obsessive, self-absorbed pattern to it all. I hope your kids are doing okay and that you are feeling a bit better with some time and distance from him.

[TinselAngel]

@SouthernTW

Popping in as a show of solidarity to my fellow transwidows. Loved being able to hear Tinsel on the podcast. Keep up the good work. I love following the happenings on your side of the world.

Apparently, the ex is soon adding bottom surgery to the mix. Mind you, he's only been "out" nine months and has already had both facial surgery and breast implants. It seems crazy to me that actual doctors allow this number of medical procedures in such a short period of time. My children don't know and still don't see him.

Does he get all that on health insurance or does he have to pay?

[SouthernTW]

@TinselAngel - we don't communicate, but from what I can gather most of it is covered by insurance. Some out of pocket though.

[TinselAngel]

You'd never be able to have all that elective surgery in such a short time if you were looking after anyone else (eg your own children).

[Italiangreyhound]

@IseeyouNameStealer

"How do I help him? I want to say just leave & come home but he wont because he’s scared of being labelled transphobic and losing his job."

Anyone can leave a relationship for any reason. He doesn't even need to give a reason. He certainly does not need to pay for his girlfriend to transition or to pretend to be a gay man.

He can leave for any reason. Why would he lose his job?

I'm sorry it's do hard.

I am not a trans widow. I am gender critical and have a trans child, nearly an adult.

But I pop on here sometimes to see how everyone is.

Your brother's partner does not get the right to redefine him or his sexualty? They aren't married and of they don't have kids them he could just walk away.

Life is too short to be in s relationship with someone who makes you unhappy. That's not transphobic, it's just life.

I'd he has to pretend for friends, they are not real friends.

[Italiangreyhound]

@Alaqua how are things.Have you talked you?

[TinselAngel]

Really interesting article by Jo Brew. I'd be interested to know if other trans widows relate to the sections about transgenderism as an outlet for beta males, as much as I do.

jobrew.substack.com/p/transgenderism-is-the-new-socialism?s=r

"transgenderism is popular because it works for a group of underdog men. It centres them in a new story in which they are victim and hero."

"It allows young men to be victims of oppressive conservative families and to be heroes in breaking free. They are sons fighting the father patriarchs. It also allows young men to be victims of what they see as oppressive older women matriarchs who are in positions of authority in the workplace, public life and the home."

"In conclusion, there are many ways transgenderism works for beta males. It centres them. It silences women. It makes them victim/hero. It reinvents, rejuvenates the argument that puts feminists on the right. It justifies the exclusion of older women from the public sphere and create spaces for males to get access to younger women and children. It gives an opportunity for young women and men to be self-righteous – to channel socially sanctioned anger. "

[QuinnMovesOn2]

Tinsel, definitely yes regarding that article. My ex has been blathering on about his victimhood as trans since he came out. And when that didn't get enough sympathy, he started about being a victim because he has ADHD. It is really appalling.

[TinselAngel]

The temptation of going from being an insignificant beta male, to a stunning and brave trans woman, who is at the same time is both very important and and special, and part of the Most Vulnerable and Marginalised Group in society™️.

[SouthernTW]

Might be of interest (or at least sound familiar)

www.msn.com/en-us/tv/celebrity/katy-tur-shares-her-reaction-to-her-father-coming-out-as-transgender/ar-AAYnSbH?ocid=msedgntp&cvid=61e211ba9fe24065a82850f2fc63d050

[SouthernTW]

Here's the video:

www.cbsnews.com/video/katy-tur-on-her-memoir-rough-draft/#x

[TinselAngel]

"If it takes an act of public humiliation, in front of a camera, to make Katy feel better, and feel vindicated, so be it," Zoey shared. "I'm happy to do that. I love her that much.""

Well that's typically passive aggressive, isn't it?

[Lost2022]

@TinselAngel

"If it takes an act of public humiliation, in front of a camera, to make Katy feel better, and feel vindicated, so be it," Zoey shared. "I'm happy to do that. I love her that much.""

Well that's typically passive aggressive, isn't it?

Yep, the perpetual victim

[TinselAngel]

Twitter thread about this book

twitter.com/hatpinwoman/status/1537922190795911170?s=21&t=XFAfKfOOqRb0kmoc28xckg

[SeasideM]

Good golly does that sound like my dc's father. Off to read the article.

[TinselAngel]

New trans widow's story on the website:

www.transwidowsvoices.org/post/lindas-story-look-back-in-anger

[themiserychick]

Hi everyone. I finally bit the bullet and broke up with him. It went way better than I thought it would, he was relieved rather than upset and depressed. Nothing is going change in the immediate future, but at least we both know where we stand.

[Italiangreyhound]

@themiserychick well done. Hope things work out.

[SouthernTW]

@themiserychick - I am glad for you. May your life improve exponentially.

[TinselAngel]

@themiserychick

Hi everyone. I finally bit the bullet and broke up with him. It went way better than I thought it would, he was relieved rather than upset and depressed. Nothing is going change in the immediate future, but at least we both know where we stand.

That's really great news. Let us know what happens next.

[socialworker222]

Yes it sounds good to have taken that step Misery. Keep us posted.

[themiserychick]

Thanks everyone. Amazingly he's suddenly decided that he needs a job, and that he should finish his studies. 🙄

[TinselAngel]

@themiserychick

Thanks everyone. Amazingly he's suddenly decided that he needs a job, and that he should finish his studies. 🙄

Good! He'll have no trouble supporting himself then.

[SouthernTW]

@TinselAngel

Good! He'll have no trouble supporting himself then.

And hopefully paying child support as well.

[SouthernTW]

Now I am questioning that as I can't remember whether you have children, @themiserychick. My apologies if that's not applicable.