Trans Widows Escape Committee 5: And so it continues...

[TinselAngel]

Welcome to thread 5. A virtual prize for anyone who can guess the geeky sci fi reference in the thread title.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

In four years we have gone from starting the first thread, to launching a website, to be invited to give evidence to a government inquiry, which is pretty spectacular when you think about it.

Thanks to all the women who have told their stories and particularly to those who have stuck around to help others. Thanks also to @socialworker222 who remains nice cop, to my stern cop.

Do say hello to start the thread off!

Also I can see why therapy wasn't particularly helpful, because your depression is likely largely based on the situation that you are in, and it's not therapy that can change that.

Thanks Tinsel, I definitely did not buy clothes for him, I made the decision months ago that I would not be paying for any part of his transition, and that includes the material things that he (and most other TW probably) think makes a woman. In any case, if he really thinks he is a woman, and if he really wants to present as one he can "woman up" and do it himself.

Re: my mental health, it's something I've struggled with for most of my life, but I think this is the first time since childhood bullying it's been caused by a completely external factor.

He listens to weird subliminals which are apparently for feminisation (no idea how they're even supposed to work).

Sissy hypno stuff or something else? Because that's, erm, porn. Highly effective porn that ruins many.

@Zeev

He listens to weird subliminals which are apparently for feminisation (no idea how they're even supposed to work).

Sissy hypno stuff or something else? Because that's, erm, porn. Highly effective porn that ruins many.

This trans widow did an interview about her ex and sissy hypno porn:

I don't think that it's porn, they just sound like nature sounds, rain storm and relaxation type stuff. The titles have things like "feminine voice" or"smaller ribcage" or "no facial hair". Super weird, like stuff to stop smoking or lose weight I guess?

@themiserychick

I don't think that it's porn, they just sound like nature sounds, rain storm and relaxation type stuff. The titles have things like "feminine voice" or"smaller ribcage" or "no facial hair". Super weird, like stuff to stop smoking or lose weight I guess?

You can't relax yourself into having a smaller rib cage surely?

Or into having no facial hair for that matter.

A bit like 'I'll pray for you [to have a smaller ribcage and beard]', surely.

If you could wish away your facial hair they wouldn't all need to spend a fortune on electrolysis.

Sorry about the censorship Southern. As Tinsel says, some people are allowed to say whatever they want and others are silenced.
You are quite right Southern to leave it to your kids to decide their view on his actions, and your instincts are probably right. My ex's position with his children has been characterized by delusion and denial throughout the process. Young people eventually work it out for themselves and they don't all decide it's cool, fine, no big deal, or that the new manifestation of their parent is someone they trust, want to be with, or feel safe with.
Mainstream media suggests all kids and young people happily embrace a transitioned parent (or would if wicked ex-partners didn't turn them against them) Misery, but as we know that's sadly not the case. I don't know if it's easier for children to accept if they are younger, or teens, but it's entirely reasonable to suggest it could adversely impact them, at best be very distressing and unpleasant, and at worst be a major loss and trauma in their lives, however unpalatable that fact is to allies of these individuals.
I too was greatly bothered by my ex's preoccupation with the hair-removal, the underwear, the skirts, the make-up, and what that might say about his view of women, and the model of 'womanhood' he presented to his daughters.
You're not the failure here; you're trying to be supportive, keep your family together, and look after children. It must be awful for you

@themiserychick

I don't think that it's porn, they just sound like nature sounds, rain storm and relaxation type stuff. The titles have things like "feminine voice" or"smaller ribcage" or "no facial hair". Super weird, like stuff to stop smoking or lose weight I guess?

I stumbled across those on YouTube a few years ago! I like to listen to guided meditations to get to sleep and ended up in Bizarro Land one night.

There was a whole little subculture around it. I saw the feminisation ones but there were loads of others too. I think what they are doing is that they’re recording subliminal hypnotic messages but somehow distorting them or speeding them up so that they can’t be consciously detected in listening, and then mixing them in to the nature sounds.
I think it was mostly teenagers in the comments, though all YouTube commenters sound like teenagers. I listened to a few out of curiosity but I don’t think it works 😁

That emoji completely misrepresented my feelings about the “subliminals.” It was supposed to be a grin!

Divorce is final. Not even sad, just relieved.

I'm relieved for you, Southern

Glad there's progress for you southern and hopefully the start of a new chapter. You may feel sad going forward, or a lot of mixed emotions. It's a huge fork in the road. Hope you are taking good care of yourself.

@SouthernTW

Divorce is final. Not even sad, just relieved.

Onwards and upwards

@SouthernTw, glad you're feeling relieved. Please take care of yourself in the months to come... I know for me, I was so busy with managing the divorce that the real emotions didn't hit me until later.

@SouthernTW relieved for you. As others said as well I do hope you are taking care of yourself.

@socialworker222 yes the obsession with the hair removal/outfits/makeup/nails/shoes sends me up the wall. He was not sheltered from women in real life so I have a hard time wrapping my mind around the thinking that the stereotypes are the sum of womanhood. Everything he gets now has to be the over the top “girly” version. I find it extremely patronizing. Are there woman who prefer the ultra girly versions in all thing? Yeah of course. Is that ‘why’ they are women? Not in the least.

DC seems to see the self absorption. Child is young but even then you get the drift if a parent is constantly too busy to interact with you because they are in a conversation with a new friend all the time or wrapped up in you tube videos. Then he gets all confused why DC doesn’t want to do things with him. Well because DC isn’t a doll you just set aside on a shelf until you are ready.

I’m doing more things for myself/the way I want and it’s been helping. DC and I basically go about our life and if dad wants to participate in something fine but I don’t go out of my way to invite him. He’s got all the same access to information I have for school things so at around 50 he can figure it out.

One of the things I'm having trouble with is resentment that my ex is so absent as a parent. I guess i just have to reset my expectations to be extremely low.

@SeasideM- I am so glad to hear you are doing things to focus on you and your kids. That is a good starting point.

@QuinnMovesOn- I echo your resentment. I feel like that is part of the misogyny of all of this. The stunning and brave get to go play and the women in the room have to (as usual) do all the work.

I know this sadly may concern some of you lovely ladies so I hope you don't mind me posting the link here.

@WTF475878237NC

Bump to *@Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons* on another thread:

Currently the sex of criminals is not being accurately recorded by police, courts, prisons & probation which means that male crimes are recorded as committed by women & women are being locked up with some of these dangerous men.

This petition asks the police, courts, prisons & probation system to accurately record the sex of violent/sexual criminals.

Please sign & share this petition
petition.parliament.uk/petitions/590123

These are #notourcrimes

I think those of us who are interested, generally keep up with events on the rest of the board, as do other women who aren't trans widows who follow the thread.

This thread isn't the place for petitions and I'm not aware that any of us are in prison, or indeed in the same prison as our ex husbands (non of whom I'm aware are in prison at all).

Very confused to be @'d on this thread as I don't intrude here.
I think you mean well @WTF475878237NC but you might like to ask MN to delete, this is really not the place.

I don't think l