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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

New CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis

665 replies

TheFleegleHasLanded · 03/05/2021 11:00

I struggled to even come up with a title for this thread as I am so enraged I know I will get deleted and even banned if I say what I really think.

twitter.com/EdinRapeCrisis/status/1389112490215288832?s=20

New CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis
OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
toffeebutterpopcorn · 05/05/2021 09:53

Because that the first thing you think about when you have been raped and are waiting for a doctor to perform a procedure on you (when all you want to do is curl up and die or scripture body with a brill pad).

littlbrowndog · 05/05/2021 09:55

Ohh.

That’s bizarre thing to say about rape victims

Fernlake · 05/05/2021 09:56

@Ereshkigalangcleg

Use your privilege to abuse or attack or victimise someone else with less power than you.
As in the hypothetical situation where a male HCP is feeling 'attacked and victimised' by a raped woman. Or child too presumably.
toffeebutterpopcorn · 05/05/2021 09:59

I would assume - from anyone I’ve known who works in healthcare - that someone misgendering you is the least if the ‘risks’.

What’s the % of staff who have been attacked/ groped? How many of these just aren’t reported (I would assume getting sworn at/insulted is a daily occurrence) .

If you are that bothered then this isn’t the job for you. Patients come first surely?

AfternoonToffee · 05/05/2021 10:09

I was physically attacked years ago.

My manager at the time blamed me.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 05/05/2021 10:27

Thanks Toffee

NonnyMouse1337 · 05/05/2021 10:56

Interesting how yet again a male gets the senior position in an organisation that is predominantly staffed by females. It's why gender worshippers have to pretend sex is irrelevant so that sexism can be framed as 'most oppressed' now.

Perpetualnamechanger · 05/05/2021 11:39

I've taken this one personally.

When I was raped over ten years ago, I made the mistake of seeking help from the university I attended.

I unfortunately saw a male Dr, not something I objected to to be honest, to me he was a medical professional, so why not?

Well he asked what I was wearing, told me I shouldn't have gotten drunk ( I was and I had just had some devastating family news a few days before).

He didn't advise me to go to the police or give me any information for example rape crisis.

I could not concentrate and my life spiralled out of control for a long time.

I dropped out soon after and have had life long mental health problems since, though I'm doing OK at the minute.

After all this sunlight, I have just put in a gdpr request. I want to know what was recorded, if anything.

Part of me questions if I'm doing the right thing and I had hoped that if a woman was raped today they would handle it differently.

Then I see this and I'm not so sure.

I'm sorry if any victim feels they can't get support.

Thank you to all those who share your wisdom and I'm sorry to all those who have been and will be let down.

R0wantrees · 05/05/2021 11:42

Mridhul Wadhwa also sits on Jolyon Maugham's Good Law Project, 'Advisory Group to the Legal Defence Fund for Transgender Lives'.
This group is intervening in the Bell vs Tavistock NHS appeal having also taken a case, the GLP describe:
"If a child cannot consent to taking puberty blockers their loving parent can consent in their stead. That is the outcome of the decision of the High Court, earlier this morning, in the case of AB v Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust (full decision below), the first case funded by Good Law Project’s Trans Defence Fund."
thread
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4202823-Good-Law-project-have-succeeded

The group was set up by Molly Mulready and comprises:
C N Lester
Sabah Choudrey (youth work & Trans Pride Brighton)
Penni Gillen (parent of male child identified as trans)
Dr Kamilla Kamarudden (GP London)
Prof Alex Sharpe
Leanne Taylor (Social Work Kent University)
Ramses Underhill- Smith
Mridhul Wadhwa
goodlawproject.org/update/advisory-group-transgender/

BernardBlackMissesLangCleg · 05/05/2021 11:48

Oh god C N Lester

I went to a talk by they. They was utterly unable to explain why they felt like a man (or non binary, I genuinely can’t remember how they identify) and how they’s reasoning was different to sexist stereotypes. They got quite defensive even though I was pleasant and only spoke very briefly

It was one of the moments when I realised that this is all made up and any serious person giving it credence is making a serious mistake and guilty of lazy thinking of the worst kind

TabbyStar · 05/05/2021 11:51

Perpetualnamechanger sorry those things happened to you Thanks. Sometimes I feel people's responses to me in my distress after I was traumatised were more traumatic than the actual original trauma but it so doesn't have to be that way.

R0wantrees · 05/05/2021 11:55

I've taken this one personally.

Perpetualnamechanger Flowers
So many of us do.

Sophoclesthefox · 05/05/2021 11:58

I had no idea about the position with the good law project Shock

Perpetualnamechanger · 05/05/2021 11:58

@TabbyStar thank you and I'm so sorry too.

It took me years to find the right therapist who I owe everything to, might contact her and say thanks again because I think of her often and she truly understood.

Sophoclesthefox · 05/05/2021 11:58

Perpetual Flowers

I am so sorry that happened to you

Perpetualnamechanger · 05/05/2021 12:01

@R0wantrees and @Sophoclesthefox Thank you always xxx

ArcheryAnnie · 05/05/2021 12:09

Perpetual Flowers

I hope you are now being listened to, and getting the support you need.

As for Edinburgh, I can't stop thinking of all the women who now have nowhere to go when they are in crisis. This appointment has taken that away from them.

Rape Crisis services were built from nothing by women, for women - and often the women who built them were themselves really struggling, but scraped together time and energy and money to help other women. And now what those women built has been stolen.

Chrysanthemum5 · 05/05/2021 12:17

@ArcheryAnnie

Perpetual Flowers

I hope you are now being listened to, and getting the support you need.

As for Edinburgh, I can't stop thinking of all the women who now have nowhere to go when they are in crisis. This appointment has taken that away from them.

Rape Crisis services were built from nothing by women, for women - and often the women who built them were themselves really struggling, but scraped together time and energy and money to help other women. And now what those women built has been stolen.

@per@Perpetualnamechanger - so sorry to hear your story, and I'm pleased you have been better supported since. Your message should be required reading for anyone who thinks 'be kind' when faced with these issues - being kind to men rather than being kind to the women who have suffered. @ArcheryAnnie - I couldn't agree more, women struggled to build shelters, and rape crisis centres in the face of huge challenges, and now they have been stolen to support men
Perpetualnamechanger · 05/05/2021 12:35

Thank you everyone, I am doing a lot better.

It's something that seems to crop back up, when I least expect it.

For example, when I was working in a coffee shop years ago, his friend came in and harassed me about it.

It took me a while to say anything to even my closest friends, so although I avoided places where he would be, we would sometimes cross paths, I would leave immediately. One night before anyone knew, he was invited by a flatmate to our house. I was sleeping and I woke up to him standing over me. So wish I had the support when I first asked for it. I wish I'd had the strength to stand up for myself.

Credit to my friends they did support me when they found out and at least I didn't have to see him anymore but it was this huge shameful secret no one spoke of.

Another time he sent me a Facebook message ( I still have it), he saw me leaving the dr crying, I was having strange periods at the time, bleeding every day, for about a year after, now I think it was stress related or some kind of strange body response to trauma.

But by far the worst thing was when I was pregnant, I kept having this recurring dream, so lucid as pregnancy dreams are, where he would pop up and it would be like a bolt of electricity would strike me and I'd that wake up screaming.

I now have a beautiful daughter and it breaks my heart to think these things could happen to her, but I will do anything to protect her.

TalkingtoLangClegintheDark · 05/05/2021 12:41

Rape Crisis services were built from nothing by women, for women - and often the women who built them were themselves really struggling, but scraped together time and energy and money to help other women. And now what those women built has been stolen.

Yes. It’s heartbreaking. And we are justifiably really, really angry about it.

Flowers Perpetual, so completely unacceptable for him to treat you that way, and relatively recently too. I thought there was supposed to have been more awareness by then. Shocking that a man in his position should have been so ignorant and bigoted.

ArabellaScott · 05/05/2021 13:12

Perpetualnamechanger Flowers

I hope you can find some kind of closure and peace. These things can take a long time to recover from.

Perpetualnamechanger · 05/05/2021 13:29

Thank all so much it means the world.

I'd like to share the poem I wrote after I sent the uni the gdpr request, it was cathartic for me to write.

The day I dread the most

My dearest darling daughter, with wonder in your eyes
I dread to tell you of the wolves, lurking in disguise.

For now your life is simple, you are a joy to behold,
But I will have to tell you all the things I wish that I was told.

That life can change completely, that happiness can end,
That the one that you should beware is the big brother type of friend.

For when trust is given freely, the consequences we can't ignore,
I didn't know that he would be the first to take advantage, to shake my beliefs to the core.

Because I believed naively, in a bond that wasn't true,
In a world of pain and sorrow, his ideas were fresh and new.

I put him on a pedestal, captivated by intelligent conversation,
I never had a warning that his actions could cause this kind of desolation.

When I reached out for help I was sadly turned away
The blame put on my shoulders, it should never have been that way.

The hatred all consuming, the bitterness it grew,
Until I couldn't trust anyone or believe the things that I once knew.

This complete betrayal was not part of my plan,
Something that would never happen, had I been born a man.

Why did my girlfriends leave me, when I passed out that night?
Why did no one question that something wasn't right?

The answer is we trusted him, this big brother type.
Charming, funny, older, wiser, we all believed his hype.

That he wasn't like other men, the ones who pose a danger.
This was someone I loved, like a brother, not a total stranger.

For now you are too young to know how cruel the world can be.
But it is my life's mission to protect you from the things that happened to me.

One day I'll have to warn you of the wolves, lurking in disguise.
But for now my darling daughter there is only wonder in your eyes.

(And now I'm off to work before I cry!)

Ps I see a wolf here 🐺

Roadtohades · 05/05/2021 14:03

I have written to the EIJB - they have a 'send us a comment we'd love to hear from you' box on their trustees page. I will write to my SNP candidate in tomorrow's election next. We must all write to as many people in positions of influence as possible - even just the briefest of notes to say that we are appalled is better than nothing.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 05/05/2021 14:07

Perpetual Thanks

Ereshkigalangcleg · 05/05/2021 14:08

Mridhul Wadhwa also sits on Jolyon Maugham's Good Law Project, 'Advisory Group to the Legal Defence Fund for Transgender Lives'.
This group is intervening in the Bell vs Tavistock NHS appeal having also taken a case, the GLP describe:
"If a child cannot consent to taking puberty blockers their loving parent can consent in their stead. That is the outcome of the decision of the High Court, earlier this morning, in the case of AB v Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust (full decision below), the first case funded by Good Law Project’s Trans Defence Fund."

This is key information.