I’ve seen threads on MN about self-imposed sexual, dating, and romantic preferences (usually on Relationships, Chat, or AIBU). I’m not sure how far anecdotal answers gathered online on a completely open forum will go. Researchers who explore and write about these questions are typically doing so much more systematically. Friends who talk about them in a group of friends do so voluntarily and consensually, as would people who reply to such a post on a forum.
I also don’t think this is a specifically feminist topic, unless there’s a particular feminist slant to the question(s) asked. If there are important prejudices that need to be examined and dealt with, they will go beyond one person not wanting to have a sexual and/or romantic relationship with another.
If I say “this dude Gareth on Tinder looks excellent, but I never date Welsh people because I don’t speak Welsh and wouldn’t be able to talk to him” and someone points out that most Welsh people speak native or at least fluent English, then result! I have information I was missing and now I can date Welsh people.
If my best friend says “I’m only open to dating blond men with light-coloured eyes who are at least 6’2” and between the ages of 28 and 32, are vegan, love cats, net over £100 pa, have a PhD, are circumcised, have an EU passport, vote SNP, and live within a 10km radius of my house” and then frequently complains that she wants a partner and can’t find one, then I’m likely tempted to suggest she consider relaxing her requirements in one or two areas - not because her wrongthink needs corrected, but because more realistic expectations might put her on a better road to achieving her goals and finding happiness.
I also think there’s often a strong and genuine reaction in these types of discussions from people in happy relationships with people who are “not their type” - they would have missed out on a great thing if they’d adhered to rigid rules and they don’t want someone else to miss out. That can be helpful in context, but can easily cross a line too. All of these are individual, personal concerns. The person benefitting IS the person examining their own rules, not someone else questioning the rulemaker.
TedMullins: Also LOL at the “this is what young women are up against”... I am, literally, a young woman, I have read these boards for a few years now and posted on them before. I don’t know your age, but given that you’ve said you’re working as a professional journalist I think it’s fair to assume that you are at least 18 and more likely early-to-mid 20s. The “young” people most impacted by the erosion of consent or lack of clarity around it are often a decade or so younger: the young teen victims of the UK grooming gangs who believed that giving someone free takeout means you owe them sex, the traumatised 13 year old who was having “consensual” sex with 20 firefighters in France, trusting children who become trafficked children, and so on and on. Your “LOL” in response is not the most socialist and feminist thing I have seen today, nor the best display of critical thinking.
TedMullins: I find this a really interesting portrait of the demographic on this board… What is the demographic? Does anyone know? MumsNet don’t have my demographic info, except for what my IP address (if I’m not using a VPN) tells them. Anyone could post here, and probably does. The MumsNet Hive Mind and FWR Hive Mind arguments are pointless, in my view.
…and I’m actually in my other group chat talking about and disseminating this very discussion. Given the history of this board - which you’ll know as you’ve been on it for a few years - this does come across as a bit creepy. You’re not willing to start a new thread to ask your question, as many people asked you to do rather than derailing the existing one, but you are willing to go away to another private forum to launch a one-sided critique?
TedMullins: I have an idea of why my view is in the minority and I think it’s because as much as a certain cohort on here crows about young women and wanting to protect them, they actually largely view them with utter contempt …. Again, you are misunderstanding what people mean by “young”. And your view was not in necessarily in the minority, it was just irrelevant to the thread. …. and are very resistant to the evolution of societal norms and don’t actually want to engage in any kind of meaningful feminist activism or conversation. Many people here are parents, many people here have worked with young people day in and day out for decades. Many people here understand the ins and outs of safeguarding, and you might too if you’d listen. Many people here have been involved in feminist and other progressive activism for decades. Overall, I don't think they are the ones being contemptuous on this thread.