Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Am I being dramatic?

134 replies

talkingdeadscot · 17/03/2021 12:31

DH and I have been having various discussions around the trans issue and what it means for the rights of women and girls. He's TWAW and I'm fiercely feminist.

He's actively campaigning for the removal of single sex spaces as per Stonewall. I'm a woman who wants to keep those spaces. He believes gender is more important than sex so in the long run single sex spaces are better for everyone.

For me, I've said why this isn't better for women, I've said I don't want to lose single sex provision but it makes no difference. He says we both have an ideology we believe in and neither of us will change their mind.I feel as though this is just another case of a man telling a woman what's best so in that regards it's no different to men denying women contraception or abortion. He says I'm being ridiculous and over dramatic, it's nothing like the same. Besides, plenty of women are happy without single sex spaces.

Am I being ridiculous or over dramatic?

OP posts:
persistentwoman · 17/03/2021 19:01

Oh dear OP. Doesn't sound like there's much alternative. On the bright side, far better to live independently than to be tied to an adult who is intolerant of your rights and values? And maybe that recent disclosure is the beginning of a series of them?

continuallyconflating · 17/03/2021 19:19

I was going to ask if he knows about the concept of the cotton ceiling.
It was this and it's rapey connotations that let my DP finally see the light
(When I first heard it, I naively thought of cotton sheets, he understood immediately the barrier that was being broached)
But reading on it sounds like there'll be no shared understanding
All I can offer is Flowers

Ahbahbahbah · 17/03/2021 19:28

Wow. I thought from your first post that I’d be considering divorce if my DH said that to me, so glad to see you’re already there!

He’s a knob. Who believes that knobs can be vaginas if they feel like it. I couldn’t take anybody seriously who doesn’t understand basic facts.

BitMuch · 17/03/2021 20:09

@BaseDrops

So he’s actively campaigning snd has recently become bisexual. And is telling his wife she is akin to a racist for wanting to only have female sex medical practitioners for intimate exams.

I wouldn’t be having unprotected sex with him. I wonder what the next reveal will be. Sorry OP he sucks. Throw the whole man away.

Yes, make sure you do not have unprotected sex with him. He is highly invested in something and it is not his marriage or the wellbeing of his wife.

This South African woman very effectively debunks the offensive rhetoric from the 'woke left' that equates unequal treatment of black women with the sex segregation of females from males in toilets in this video: . How dare he campaign to remove our rights, he is not acting as an ally to any woman.

LOLeater · 17/03/2021 20:20

Have read this OP and I’m so sorry that you are in this position. I don’t think I could be in a marriage with a person who didn’t share my feelings on this issue and for what it’s worth, I think you sound like a woman who deserves a lot better than this partner.
Best of luck to you as you focus on moving forward.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 17/03/2021 20:29

I really feel for you, OP. In a way it’s good that he’s making his contempt and dislike for women so clear. He’s not going to try to stop you leaving. I would be sickened by any man who gloated that he was actively campaigning against women.

No surprise that this coincides with his discovery that he’s ‘bisexual’. Let’s guess what his next discovery will be ....

ValancyRedfern · 17/03/2021 20:34

I'm wondering if you'd benefit from getting in touch with the transwidows as it sounds like this might be the direction this is heading in.

MaudTheInvincible · 17/03/2021 21:02

I remember your other thread. This is a really shitty position he's put you in. PP are right; these are not his rights to give away. Thanks

MaudTheInvincible · 17/03/2021 21:03

@ValancyRedfern

I'm wondering if you'd benefit from getting in touch with the transwidows as it sounds like this might be the direction this is heading in.

Yes, I second this.

Skyliner001 · 17/03/2021 21:05

Asking Mumsnet whether you are being ridiculous or overdramatic is a bit of a nonstarter, this is a gender critical echo chamber. I would ask a more diverse audience if you want a real balanced response 😊

Flapjak · 17/03/2021 21:13

Ask him what is gender based on, without sex stereotyped behaviour it has no meaning
If he is heterosexual would he fuck a biological male with a penis and looked male as long as they said they identified as female
Would he be happy for hypothetical teenage daughter to undress in a ladies changing room that was only populated by trans women who had male genitalia
How would he feel if hypothetical daughter had to play rugby against a 6 ft 2 solidly built trans woman

Erkrie · 17/03/2021 21:25

I'm wondering if you'd benefit from getting in touch with the transwidows as it sounds like this might be the direction this is heading in.

Yes I agree.

BlueBrush · 17/03/2021 21:35

I remember your previous thread, OP. I'm sorry things are heading the way they're heading. I think you can carry on in a relationship where you disagree on something fundamental - it is possible, of course. But what I'd be mostly concerned about here is that it sounds like he's just not prepared to discuss this with you and listen to and properly consider your arguments. That suggests a basic lack of respect, to me.

notyourhandmaid · 17/03/2021 21:40

Sending respect and love your way.

OldCrone · 17/03/2021 21:48

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Ask him, very bluntly, just how true TWAW is. Would he fuck one?

If not, why not?

And then ask him why it is OK for him to say hell no, not in my bed, but women cannot make the same choice for themselves?

Don't be polite about it. He needs to see what it is he is really saying!

Have you asked him this, OP?

What was his answer?

PamDenick · 17/03/2021 22:03

Is his mother still alive? Would he be happy for his elderly mother to be nursed in a ward next to a 6'4 body that has been though male puberty?

If you had to go to prison (perhaps for being arrested for protesting for the rights of women?) would he mind that you were imprisoned with Karen White?

If he had a daughter or granddaughter who was a star athlete, would he mind her first place on a podium being given to a male bodies athlete with long hair and fake breatss?

If he's happy for this level of unfairness, then …

Usagi12 · 17/03/2021 22:08

If he's actively campaigning, he has skin in this game in some way.

Hibari · 17/03/2021 22:18

I'd say you're being dramatic.

But I think most of the anti-trans rhetoric here is dramatic so... :)

notyourhandmaid · 17/03/2021 22:21

@Hibari

I'd say you're being dramatic.

But I think most of the anti-trans rhetoric here is dramatic so... :)

Smile You would. Smile
PamDenick · 17/03/2021 22:22

Why Hibari?

notyourhandmaid · 17/03/2021 22:23

Leaving bad people who think it's appropriate to make this 'a debate'
aside... please take care, OP.

PamDenick · 17/03/2021 22:27

www.worthingherald.co.uk/news/crime/worthing-man-jailed-for-secretly-filming-women-and-children-using-public-toilets-3169482

He doesn't mind this guy having access to the cubicle next to you then?

dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 17/03/2021 22:33

YANBU Sounds like you should LTB. Surely anyone can see the conflict with women's sex-based rights if they listen properly, they just choose to dismiss it.
Try showing him the 'women's' sports winners' pictures - if he can't get it then, there is no hope.
Also with women's refuges - I had someone say what about celebs where it was the female committing the violence...I pointed out that said celebs would not need a local council refuge ever...some people are so unimaginative.

dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 17/03/2021 22:35

@Waitwhat23

Frankly, they're not his rights to give away.
Most women are as yet still unaware as to where this ideology is leading. By the time they wake up it will be too late.
dotoallasyouwouldbedoneby · 17/03/2021 22:37

@Biscuitsanddoombar

Nothing like a bit of privilege splaining from a man being asked to give up literally nothing
Yes someone said to me that there was no issue as men had to accept transmen in their spaces.....so then you have to explain the relative physical weakness issue which is at the basis of our needing sex-based rights in the first place.