Would you ok your son wearing a dress?

[KristinaJup]

Candace Owens recently tweeted (in response to Harry Styles wearing a dress on a magazine cover) "Bring Back Manly Men".. amongst other things.

Who really cares if a guy wears tutus and glittery dresses? Prince was hot af in his heels and Makeup.

Imo I would have no problem with it at all if my son wanted to put on a skirt but the tweet gained a lot of traction and I saw quite a few memes and lots of fingers pointed at feminism for "ruining men"

If we carry on this way the next thing will be....women should not be wearing trousers! What do you think?

One where we start telling mothers they're odd because they're not 'totes cool' about their son prancing around in a dress...

Why are they now "prancing"? That's a very loaded undertone. So you've made it clear you're not happy with sons in dresses, how do you feel about "prancing" in other clothes?

Sorry, but if you allow your son to wear a dress outside of the home, you are literally setting him up for misery. He will very likely be targeted. No, this is not victim blaming- in an ideal world we could all wear what we want. But it's not an ideal world is it?

And while some may say that in order to change people's negative views we must stand for what's right- don't use your child who is not emotionally intelligent enough or experienced and resilient enough as your prop in order to do so!

I think there are many parents these days who just choose to be controversial to be seen as edgy and current. Like only buying their son pink, tutu's, dollies. And their daughter's dressed in typical boys style clothes playing with trucks etc.

For the record, my kids could play with whatever they wanted and dress how THEY chose at home. But I didn't have to buy my boys barbies and pink dresses just to seem pc.

@ReeseWitherfork

One where we start telling mothers they're odd because they're not 'totes cool' about their son prancing around in a dress...

Why are they now "prancing"? That's a very loaded undertone. So you've made it clear you're not happy with sons in dresses, how do you feel about "prancing" in other clothes?

It's loaded because you've chosen it to be. My original statement remains the same in essence..... The world has gone crazy that we're all judgey against mums who have some kind of societal boundaries/norms when bringing up their CHILDREN. Anyone that dares to say 'you know what. I would discourage my (under 18)son wearing a dress because I don't think it's "normal" in our society would be attacked left right and centre. Freedom of speech is only allowed to exist where its left wing - pc approved.

Savoury, you seem to be under the impression that people are forcing their sons into dresses in order to make a statement?
I'm not going to make him wear a dress. My mother never made my brother wear a dress, it was something that he wanted to do, she just didn't forbid it.
My brother, now in his 20s, is of perfectly sound mind and character and has- against all the odds- somehow managed never to mistake a dress for a condom or a tattoo or whatever other bollocks has been spouted on here.

@AGnu

I don't like dresses at all & have only ever bought 1 for my DD when she was a baby & we had to go to a v hot summer wedding. I avoid buying dresses for any of my DC!

My DS's favourite colour has been pink since he was old enough to express an opinion. I suspect partly because he knows I don't like pink & he likes to tease me. I genuinely don't care & have bought him pink clothes from the "girls'" section. Mostly PJs though because I'm v conscious that he has ASD & can be quite vulnerable & I don't want to make him an easy target for bullies. He can wear what he wants in the house though. He's probably owned more pink things than DD!

I think it's a shame that you don't let him wear what he wants outside the house. I understand your concerns but I feel we should be encouraging our kids not to change their ways because of what others will think. I was desperately worried for my DS when he chose his first pink trainers but I couldn't bring myself to tell him no based on my fear of others. I was worried people would suck the wind from his sails. Since then he's chose more and more items of clothing from the 'girls' section. His friends are all really supportive, sure some kids have asked him why he's wearing girls clothes but we spoke about that together and he was ready for it and tells them to mind their own business.

@Crystalclair

Sorry, but if you allow your son to wear a dress outside of the home, you are literally setting him up for misery. He will very likely be targeted. No, this is not victim blaming- in an ideal world we could all wear what we want. But it's not an ideal world is it?

And while some may say that in order to change people's negative views we must stand for what's right- don't use your child who is not emotionally intelligent enough or experienced and resilient enough as your prop in order to do so!

I think there are many parents these days who just choose to be controversial to be seen as edgy and current. Like only buying their son pink, tutu's, dollies. And their daughter's dressed in typical boys style clothes playing with trucks etc.

For the record, my kids could play with whatever they wanted and dress how THEY chose at home. But I didn't have to buy my boys barbies and pink dresses just to seem pc.

I couldn't have worded it more perfectly. Thank you. You've said what I've been trying to articulate. Spot on

It's loaded because you've chosen it to be. My original statement remains the same in essence..... The world has gone crazy that we're all judgey against mums who have some kind of societal boundaries/norms when bringing up their CHILDREN. Anyone that dares to say 'you know what. I would discourage my (under 18)son wearing a dress because I don't think it's "normal" in our society would be attacked left right and centre. Freedom of speech is only allowed to exist where its left wing - pc approved.

Who exactly is silencing you? You have the freedom to share whatever opinions on fashion you like. What you are describing is people disagreeing with you.

@TeenyTinyDustinHoffman

Savoury, you seem to be under the impression that people are forcing their sons into dresses in order to make a statement? I'm not going to make him wear a dress. My mother never made my brother wear a dress, it was something that he wanted to do, she just didn't forbid it. My brother, now in his 20s, is of perfectly sound mind and character and has- against all the odds- somehow managed never to mistake a dress for a condom or a tattoo or whatever other bollocks has been spouted on here.

But without guidance to what is "socially appropriate" you're not patenting in my opinion. (bear in mind we are specifically talking about children here) a parents job is to guide their children because the children simply do not know about society and the cultural "norms" (we all have them I'm afraid and we're very lucky in a Christian Liberal country that ours are rather Liberal) it wouldn't be appropriate for me to send my ds into school wearing purple socks because his school uniform states he wears black socks. Should I tell school he needs to 'express himself'? Sometimes there are societal rules (either written or unwritten) and it's our job to guide our children what is appropriate to protect and develop them.

Savory- I think we are the minority!

I've seen it first hand - couple have a baby girl, pink is the anti christ! Girl becomes toddler and is not allowed to wear a dress as its "not practical". Fair enough - makes sense to me. BUT, same couple go on to have a boy. But all of the sudden the boy is running around the soft play with a sparkly dress and tights because "ohh we don't want our son to conform to stereotypes, he is free to wear what he wants"

But we all know that's not the case, because he isn't actually deciding what he wants to wear, because you are! Because you have an agenda. And I'm sure the dress in question was super practical at the softplay 🙄

If it was my eldest adult child he really would have to take a lawnmower to his legs though

I know this was said as a laugh, and youre not the only one to have said it, but why would that be expected? Because a dress/skirt is womens clothes and women are expected to be clean shaven and smooth? Again buying into gender stereotypes. Presumably peoples ds's wear shorts without shaving their legs? Why would it be different for a dress or skirt?

@Crystalclair
Sorry, but if you allow your son to wear a dress outside of the home, you are literally setting him up for misery. He will very likely be targeted. No, this is not victim blaming- in an ideal world we could all wear what we want. But it's not an ideal world is it?

And while some may say that in order to change people's negative views we must stand for what's right- don't use your child who is not emotionally intelligent enough or experienced and resilient enough as your prop in order to do so!

I think there are many parents these days who just choose to be controversial to be seen as edgy and current. Like only buying their son pink, tutu's, dollies. And their daughter's dressed in typical boys style clothes playing with trucks etc.

For the record, my kids could play with whatever they wanted and dress how THEY chose at home. But I didn't have to buy my boys barbies and pink dresses just to seem pc.

No I just simply don't agree with this! My son is 7 and I'm so pleased I didn't tell him he couldn't wear the light up pink sketchers trainers and rainbow dresses he was so desperate to wear. We've spoke about the prejudice he will face no doubt and the closed minded people he will meet and has met but overall he's had a very supportive and brilliant response from his friends and his school who have got used to him and who he is... he wears a sparkly pink coat to school and a sparkly hat and he's in his element. I was worried sick about what he would face but I think you'd be surprised how many people encourage him and love who he is... I think it's keyboard warriors and people who wouldn't dare to be different who spout off online... in reality they wouldn't say boo to a goose! I personally look down wherever I walk because I'm horrendously shy, I don't post anything on Facebook, I'm as far from edgy and current and I keep myself to myself. We just are who we are and I couldn't be more proud of my son

I think there are many parents these days who just choose to be controversial to be seen as edgy and current. Like only buying their son pink, tutu's, dollies. And their daughter's dressed in typical boys style clothes playing with trucks etc.

You know, I hear so much about these dogmatic parents who force their sons into tutus and threaten to disown their daughter if she so much as looks as a Barbie doll... And yet I have yet to meet them. I've met plenty of parents who buy their sons dolls and their daughters trucks because their children have expressed that they want those things. But that's not quite the same thing, is it?

But without guidance to what is "socially appropriate" you're not patenting in my opinion. (bear in mind we are specifically talking about children here) a parents job is to guide their children because the children simply do not know about society and the cultural "norms" (we all have them I'm afraid and we're very lucky in a Christian Liberal country that ours are rather Liberal) it wouldn't be appropriate for me to send my ds into school wearing purple socks because his school uniform states he wears black socks. Should I tell school he needs to 'express himself'? Sometimes there are societal rules (either written or unwritten) and it's our job to guide our children what is appropriate to protect and develop them.

There's nothing socially inappropriate about boys not conforming to arbitrary notions of masculinity. Teach them that there is and you wind up with boys who feel they need to rebrand themselves as girls in order to be who they want to be. .

The world has gone crazy that we're all judgey against mums who have some kind of societal boundaries/norms when bringing up their CHILDREN. Anyone that dares to say 'you know what. I would discourage my (under 18)son wearing a dress because I don't think it's "normal" in our society would be attacked left right and centre. Freedom of speech is only allowed to exist where its left wing - pc approved.

You feel judged and that your freedom of speech is being taken away from you because you wouldn't be happy with your son doing something that wasn't societally normal? But you can't see a scenario where your son would want to dress like Elsa, or put on his sisters skirt, or just wear something loose and floaty in the summer heat? Saying "no" to him is surely being judgemental and removing his freedoms?

I'm not attacking you at all, I can definitely see where you are coming from. But I also think if your son asked for a dress, or picked up a dress and put it on, for whatever reason, then you should be helping him navigate that and not stopping it.

Harry Styles looks odd

No he doesn't. He looks bloody fantastic! He has a great fashion sense, and he knows what really suits him.

I do love a man in a tutu. Preferably with combat trousers and rock boy boots but still 🤣

DS has a princess dress, he's never asked to wear it out and in grateful because frankly we get enough funny looks over his O2 tubes. I'd also be nervous of he wanted to wear it for school due to bullying.

Beyond that he's never asked, but it feels wierd telling him no potentially when he's allowed a doll, dance classes, long hair etc

@TeenyTinyDustinHoffman

It's loaded because you've chosen it to be. My original statement remains the same in essence..... The world has gone crazy that we're all judgey against mums who have some kind of societal boundaries/norms when bringing up their CHILDREN. Anyone that dares to say 'you know what. I would discourage my (under 18)son wearing a dress because I don't think it's "normal" in our society would be attacked left right and centre. Freedom of speech is only allowed to exist where its left wing - pc approved.

Who exactly is silencing you? You have the freedom to share whatever opinions on fashion you like. What you are describing is people disagreeing with you.

OK so if one simply stated 'I don't want my little boy to wear a dress because I believe its a girls item of clothes' (something many people say and think behind closed doors but darent voice for fear of being labelled all manner of things) would you simply accept it or what it be met with 'you're out of date' 'old fashioned' 'ignorant' 'uneducated' I e 'you're wrong'

@Crystalclair

Savory- I think we are the minority!

I've seen it first hand - couple have a baby girl, pink is the anti christ! Girl becomes toddler and is not allowed to wear a dress as its "not practical". Fair enough - makes sense to me. BUT, same couple go on to have a boy. But all of the sudden the boy is running around the soft play with a sparkly dress and tights because "ohh we don't want our son to conform to stereotypes, he is free to wear what he wants"

But we all know that's not the case, because he isn't actually deciding what he wants to wear, because you are! Because you have an agenda. And I'm sure the dress in question was super practical at the softplay 🙄

I'm sure there are parents like that but they're still fine. There shouldn't be stereotypes. However it is ridiculous to say a toddler is choosing their own clothes

For me, I used to buy all my kids clothes online so they didn't have a choice and I bought 'girly' things for my dd and blue, blacks and greys for my ds.

When he was about 3 I took him to the shop to buy some trainers and he beelined for the sparkles and rainbows... was I nervous? Yes but his dad said no way was he telling his ds he couldn't wear pink and that's the right way to go and ds was so happy.

I still carried on buying clothes online til ds was 5-6 and we happened to go on a shopping spree for the first time because we were going on our first family holiday and the kids needed clothes

And it was the first time that ds was able to look at clothes himself and he chose all pink, all sparkles, glitter and rainbows and even dresses and the odd Spider-Man, and superhero t shirt

He literally just likes what he likes and I don't believe I'd ever tell him he needs to tow the stereotype line

Bigbaulbles- I'm glad that your son has a good response. But realistically that is not the case for most.

Some parents are so wrapped up in pleasing their child to the extent that they forget that in life we have to conform sometimes and can't always have our own way. Are you going to suggest when he is older, that it's fine to go for an office job in the city with a sparkly pink jacket - because he should be able to wear what he wants? No, because sometimes we have to dress for the job, wear a uniform etc.

TeenyTiny- I live in London and it's pretty standard here!

@SimonJT hahahah and here I thought I was just an non-muslim shalwar-wearing non-white brit!

@Time40

Harry Styles looks odd

No he doesn't. He looks bloody fantastic! He has a great fashion sense, and he knows what really suits him.

For the record, my kids could play with whatever they wanted and dress how THEY chose at home. But I didn't have to buy my boys barbies and pink dresses just to seem pc. So you brought your son Barbie's and pink dresses because he wanted them but you assume other parents only do it to make a point??

Tbf I wouldn't buy anyone a Barbie, DS lives my old dolls tho

@SleepingStandingUp

I do love a man in a tutu. Preferably with combat trousers and rock boy boots but still 🤣

DS has a princess dress, he's never asked to wear it out and in grateful because frankly we get enough funny looks over his O2 tubes. I'd also be nervous of he wanted to wear it for school due to bullying.

Beyond that he's never asked, but it feels wierd telling him no potentially when he's allowed a doll, dance classes, long hair etc

I was worried about bullying too but tbh my son has had so much support and compliments from 99 percent of people. Kids do ask sometimes why he's wearing girls clothes and he just says mind your own business. He thinks it's because the boys want to keep him on their team and the girls don't want him in their team... probably not too far from human sheep mentality tbh

@madcatladyforever

I grew up in the 80's when men wore frilly shirts and makeup so I don't think I'd be that bothered.

I'm sad I was born in the 80s and therefore essentially missed it all

I wouldn’t like it no. Kids get picked on enough for things beyond a parents control, ie wearing glasses, having big teeth, too small, too tall etc -

So anything that would cause potential ridicule I would try to avoid at all costs to protect my child from getting bullied and laughed at potentially. Sadly, we’re not in a place where a make child going to primary school in a dress is common place. If and when it becomes the norm, then my opinion would be different.