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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Is this offensive?

55 replies

Besswess88 · 29/11/2020 21:46

Please be kind I have never been here defies so it’s quite scary Grin

So I posted this in AIBU and I was voted 80% YABU (full thread is here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4092075-Do-you-find-this-offensive )

One poster suggested I post it here and see what the opinion is.

Someone randomly posted this in a community group I am in and I said I found it offensive and misogynistic and it was removed but the poster started a lot of other threads about it and I was basically called a “snowflake” 🙄 and I left the group.

To me yes maybe it is”petty” but this subtle stuff feeds the bigger stuff and perpetuates it.

I speak as a woman who has had large breasts from a young age and always received unwanted attention from males (much older ones when on my teens).

Is it offensive and does it perpetuate misogyny?

OP posts:
FairytaleofBykerGrove · 29/11/2020 21:50

Tasteless and not very funny. Not offensive to me. Men like breasts and some people call breasts melons. Ho ho ho. Whatever.

legallybland · 29/11/2020 21:54

Naff. The person who shared it is probably a bit behind the times and thinks Les Dawson is hilarious.

Offensive? No.

BaronessWrongCrowd · 29/11/2020 21:57

It's poor humour and very much of its time but no, I don't find it offensive.

nocoolnamesleft · 29/11/2020 22:10

Hmmm. I'd probably go for distasteful, rather than offensive.

NiceGerbil · 29/11/2020 22:14

I'm on your other thread op!

Really taken aback by it especially the suggestion that you have breast reduction surgery if you don't like men staring at/ commenting on your tits Confused

I didn't actually know what offensive meant. I thought it meant erm. If someone farts you might say that smells really offensive.

Seems it means upset by? Which I do think is why you got a lot of the responses you did. Although so many women lining up to say, it's funny, can't you take s joke, no one can say anything any more etc which was really... Surprising.

Anyway yeah it's shit and to me trivialises sexual assault. She's looking the other way and he's about to grab her tits.

The fact men grab in real life makes it not very funny at all.

Anyway I said most of what I thought on the other thread Smile

Don't be scared though! To post here I mean.

Original poster
Besswess88 · 29/11/2020 22:24

@NiceGerbil thanks 🙏

I think that thread has made me realise I am more of a feminist than I thought I was.

I was born on the first international women’s day in ‘75 ❤️

OP posts:
FemaleAndLearning · 29/11/2020 22:24

I'd say out dated sexist 'humour'. If one of my daughters (aged 10 and 12) saw that they would be horrified and also wouldn't believe it. You are right it does perpetuate the idea that men have a right to look at women and have a grope.

PotholeParadies · 29/11/2020 22:26

Tasteless, tacky. Seaside postcard humour that needs to buzz back to the 1970s and stay there. Absolutely makes a joke of sexual assault and minimises it.

As you've found, anyone who shares this kind of thing will call you over-sensitive if you object while demonstrating that they have the delicate skin of an over-ripe pear. Hypocrites.

GCAcademic · 29/11/2020 22:27

It’s sad and pathetic, more than anything. The embarrassing old uncle everyone rolls their eyes at at weddings.

NiceGerbil · 29/11/2020 22:30

73 here Bess!

I think growing up with Benny hill, Cupid stunt, all the others, and the idea that it was up to girls to deal with men who did or said weird stuff to them/ laugh it off, maybe gives you a different outlook.

I also think for a lot of women it's easier to think it's not that bad so as not to have to think on it too much. Although surely most women looking back to schooldays, if they got this stuff, must think, what the hell?

PaleBlueMoonlight · 29/11/2020 22:40

It clearly offends you and that makes sense. In my view offense is an emotional reaction and you can’t help feeling it. It makes sense that you would find it offensive given what you said about the way you have treated for your body. That doesn’t mean anyone should do anything different because of your feeling.

I am not offended by it, but it is crass.

This cartoon could be classified more generally as offensive, though, depending on where it was shown. For example, I think you could categorise it as offensive if it was put up in abreast clinic, because likely there would be plenty of people there who would feel offended by it if they saw it.

Woahisme · 29/11/2020 22:43

It gives me the ick, but I'm not offended by it.

BrassicaRabbit · 29/11/2020 22:47

It's pathetic and not funny. I would think so much less of any man that posted it. I grew up in the tail end of laddette culture and spent a lot of time being cool with anything, but I'm growing more snowflake with age. I do love Southpark though but there the offence is spread evenly and used to expose the idiocy and hypocrisy behind people's beliefs and actions.

It wouldn't be offensive if it was just about sex. If the only thing standing between men & women was flirtation and sex and desire. But that's not the world we live in. Rape is practically legal. I'm still affected by the first time I was sexually assaulted as a teenager. So yes it is offensive, in the context of reality. And because the powerful person (man) is not the butt of the "joke".

Do you think we'd be afraid of admitting that if it were about any other two people with a power imbalance?

Abitofalark · 29/11/2020 23:03

I've had to magnify it to read the writing on the front of the counter and in doing so noticed another detail - what I think may be a knotted handkerchief on the man's head, in which case I'm laughing. Otherwise, no.

testing987654321 · 29/11/2020 23:06

Standard 70s sexist humour. Not funny. But then I am humourless 🙃

ErrolTheDragon · 29/11/2020 23:07

YANBU it's misogynistic- old fashioned objectification of women.

'Offensive' is maybe too much of an overused word - this is weak and unfunny, more Hmm than Angry iyswim.

Definitely has no place in the 21st century though.

Quaagars · 29/11/2020 23:08

Old seaside postcard humour.
As I said on the other thread, can't get too worked up over it.
Doesn't offend me.

RufustheSniggeringReindeer · 29/11/2020 23:09

Really taken aback by it especially the suggestion that you have breast reduction surgery if you don't like men staring at/ commenting on your tits

Someone actually said that?

Fuck me!

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 29/11/2020 23:21

As it’s sexist and trivialises sexual assault I’d say that makes it offensive yes.

I mean I probably wouldn’t actually feel upset by it, but it would make me think less of whoever shared it and I would want it removed from a community group etc. It’s the type of thing my uncle shares on Facebook and he gets very little interaction on it. Other things he posts (music and photos) get a lot more comments and likes, so that’s hopeful I guess!

Afishcalledwonderful · 29/11/2020 23:22

It made me laugh but I'm 50 and grew up with this type of humour so it was my natural first reaction. But actually, no,it's not that funny. Completely out of place for this day and age but that's just how it was back then. Even though I'm not offended by it, I'm so glad we have moved on from those days.

ErrolTheDragon · 29/11/2020 23:34

Having found the original thread - your AIBU was whether you were BU to find it offensive. Given your experiences of sexist comments on your figure YANBU, but you didn't put that bit in the OP and unfortunately a lot of posters on AIBU don't read much of the thread so may not have got that context. Most of the responses weren't really whether you were BU to be offended, they were whether the posters were themselves offended.

To much egocentricity and not enough empathy, unfortunately.

ErrolTheDragon · 29/11/2020 23:37

...ah... the thread title was whether posters found it offensive, I was looking at your posts rather than that.

Word AIBUs carefully!

NiceGerbil · 29/11/2020 23:37

Me and OP are similar age!

I always hated the lot of it.

All the men is drag with comedy massive boobs made me feel uncomfortable and I didn't know why. Page 3 made me feel uncomfortable. Ditto shops with 'girly' calendars up (mechanics usually) and those peanut pub things where the woman was revealed as the packets were bought. I used to look at them and feel. Well I couldn't express it.

The random scantily clad women as props to men making jokes for men to laugh at and women to laugh along with as well. Haha the wind blew and her skirt went up in front of a group of builders! Now she's running off embarrassed! Hahaha! There was a lot of that stuff.

Anyway I don't think it's an age thing anyway.

NiceGerbil · 29/11/2020 23:41

I think the word 'offensive' sets people off tbh.

If you'd said AIBU to think this is an out of date sexist crap joke and it's pissed me off that some bloke thought it was ok to post on a large public forum...

You might have got a different response.

I'm sure offensive used to mean something different though?

I would say omg that smell is really offensive. I don't mean it upsets me I mean it's rank, generally, well. Offensive!

Has it morphed over the years or have I understood it wrong.

NiceGerbil · 29/11/2020 23:42

People would say 'X told an offensive joke about xyz' and it just means it's out of order, no?

Anyway I think that's partly why the thread went so awry.