advice on a male teacher at DDs school please

[happydappy2]

My DD in year 9 used to have a wonderful female PE teacher who went on mat leave & might not come back. Currently a young male teacher has taken over and the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them doing PE. One of them has looked at his social media & seen who he is following on instagram....lots of female body builders who pose in skimpy barely there bikinis (as is normal for body builders) but also some young women who pose in a very sexualised way in barely there bikinis....lots of boobs & bum on show. (Not topless but good as.) One girl has asked me if that is appropriate for a teacher & I'm struggling with how I feel about this. I would have thought all teachers have to have squeaky clean social media or set it to private. I've asked the headmaster for his views but wondered what others thought-am I over reacting or is this not really OK?

You know men can fancy women in bikinis and then and go a teach young girls P.E with out being a sexual predator tight??

Quite. If his insta had loads of underage looking girls in school PE kit - that woould be inappropriate, creepy and weird

OP - which posters are men?

Well done OP.

I think the only thing this teacher has done wrong is not set his Instagram to private.

He's a young man - as long as he's professional and appropriate at work, what he looks at and who he follows on social media is his business.

You said in your op that a girl raised it with you.

You then said it wasn’t a pupil who raised it.

Now you say it was a male pupil who raised it.

Which is it?

I remember when Friends Reunited was a thing, one ex-student from my year at school said she always felt uncomfortable being made to swim lengths privately in t-shirt and kickers as punishment by one particular male PE teacher whenever she forgot her swimming costume.

Others replied with "OMG - that happened with me too!" and various others chipped in, some pointing out that the teacher's wife (also a teacher) would sometimes join him to watch these private swimming detentions, and that the memory of it was all very weird.

As a boy at the school, I remember this - because I was once sent to give that PE teacher a message, and walked in on one of these "detentions" and remember thinking it somehow didn't seem at all "right" to me.

Friends Reunited seemed to throw up a lot of odd-sounding memories from (now adult) ex-students across the UK, and shortly afterwards, moderators started posting a lot of warnings and doing deletions if I remember correctly.

Anyway - that's just a long-winded way of saying that, as a parent with girls, I would definitely follow-up on this, and I would do so in-person rather than by email or phone, as it's a sensitive discussion.

But @WootMoggie all this guy has done is not set his Instagram to private!!

You can't compare it to what your PE teacher was doing.

I'm starting to feel sorry for this teacher...

It is not unusual for young women to wear bikinis.

It is not unusual for young women to Post pics of themselves wearing bikinis.

There is absolutely no evidence that this young man has done anything wrong.

And quite frankly, given all my posts on this thread your accusation is unfounded and ridiculous and designed to drive me off the thread. I suppose I’m one of these men that can be seen down the internet as well and one of these new posters not welcome in FWR.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Kcar you seem overly invested with protecting the rights of men to look at undressed young women! Most of your posts seem to be about that. I have no idea what your point is about your DD putting sexy pics on the net tbh

I agree with kcar.

Lots of teen girls put bikini pics on their insta. My dds included. Almost certainly zero of the male people who follow my dds are weirdo perves. Of course its relevant.

There are clearly two different things going on here. Firstly, @happydappy2 was absolutely right to raise the Instagram matter with the school - from what I understand from ds2, who is a teacher, they are all told to keep all their social media private. The PE teacher should have had his privacy settings right, so the pupils could not have found him or viewed his Instagram feed. I don't actually think there is anything terribly sinister in a sporty man, with an interest in body building, having pictures of body builders on his Insta feed - but it was very foolish of him to leave his account open so pupils could find him.

The second part - the feelings of unease his female pupils are feeling - would worry me, and bears further investigation, I think. If I were you, I'd be asking your dd to explain what it is that is making her and the other girls feel uncomfortable. If it is as simple as him watching them - it is hard to see how anyone can coach a sport or teach PE without looking at the pupils - but if there are other things he's doing or saying, then maybe this needs raising with the school.

Thank you @Noideawottodo.

My dd her friends and lots of young women post pics on the internet with not very many clothes on. It’s hardly unusual. And me saying that does not make me some kind of perverted deviant as is being insinuated.

@UpHereforDancng

But *@WootMoggie* all this guy has done is not set his Instagram to private!!

You can't compare it to what your PE teacher was doing.

I'm starting to feel sorry for this teacher...

Exactly. All these traumatic memories are sad but completely irrelevant and it's dangerous to conflate them with some poor bloke who didn't set his insta to private.

Who called you a perverted deviant? That's harsh.

The 'you want to ban him on going on holiday' comment was vv funny though 😂

Kcar you seem overly invested with protecting the rights of men to look at undressed young women!

That bit, NiceGerbil.

You did insinuate I was a perverted deviant.

Own your shit.

@Noideawottodo

Kcar you seem overly invested with protecting the rights of men to look at undressed young women!

That bit, NiceGerbil.

Thank you @Noideawottodo.

Yes. That bit.

Reminded me of a bloke at work when metoo happened who said 'we're not allowed to look at women any more'. He didn't mention the beach though tbf.

So yeah. In short, he has done nothing wrong besides have his SM account open really. There might be more to this, there might not be. He should not be written off as a perv because of a feeling and posting pics of bikini clad women.
Equally they should not immediately be assumed liars, drama seekers, etc just because they are teenage girls
I totally agree with you.

lots of female body builders who pose in skimpy barely there bikinis (as is normal for body builders) but also some young women who pose in a very sexualised way in barely there bikinis....lots of boobs & bum on show-as I posted in the OP
But that's totally legal and other than showing himself to be a fool for not checking his social media privacy settings he isn't actually doing anything wrong.
You're in danger of confusing separate issues here based on the fact that you don't like who he follows on instagram (which given how much you've seen means you've searched this man, gone through his followers/following lists and then gone through their accounts too).

You were right to speak to the head about privacy settings. The head was right to remind staff to lock their accounts down (precisely because it protects staff from students and parents searching them and this sort of 'I don't like what they said/did... teacher was seen in a photo having a glass of wine with a meal... teacher follows a group that I don't approve of').

You're right to keep an open dialogue if your DC feels uncomfortable and if theres anything unprofessional then it needs reporting.

But you've seriously got to get a grip over the fact that a teacher follows things you don't approve of on social media.

OP I think you have been perfectly reasonable and sensible.

The fact this man has left his social media open to views when he's teaching PE to teenage girls is a potential red flag, especially when teachers are repeatedly told not to do this and especially when he is following accounts of almost-naked women. The fact that not all of these women are body builders appear to have been missed by many posters.

You did absolutely the right thing to mention it to the HT. Of course statistically this teacher is likely to be perfectly harmless. But we all know that some predatory men go to great lengths to access victims. The HT will know if this man volunteered to teach teenage girls or if he just happened to find himself in that position. If the former is true, then the HT will now be able to decide whether it would be appropriate to monitor his behaviour more closely.

In the great words of Lang, no caste is sacred. It would be a mistake to think that only popular teachers are dangerous. Creepy teachers can also be dangerous. It's vital that girls are encouraged to listen to their instincts. This can all be managed in an appropriate way that recognises that the chances of this man being a predator are unlikely.

If he's a good guy he'll understand the importance of safeguarding.

The fact they're not all body builders also means nothing. If he's a young guy, the women could just be friends of his posting the photos. You know, like most young men follow ...

@DownThePlath

The fact they're not all body builders also means nothing. If he's a young guy, the women could just be friends of his posting the photos. You know, like most young men follow ...

Which is the point I was making by saying that’s the sort of things my dd and her friends post.

@Kcar

You're absolutely right. These people just want to scrutinise this guy no matter what though 😂

Still waiting for the OP's list of posters who are men.

Her thoughts on how a PE teacher can supervise a class without watching them would be interesting too.