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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

advice on a male teacher at DDs school please

511 replies

happydappy2 · 04/11/2020 12:48

My DD in year 9 used to have a wonderful female PE teacher who went on mat leave & might not come back. Currently a young male teacher has taken over and the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them doing PE. One of them has looked at his social media & seen who he is following on instagram....lots of female body builders who pose in skimpy barely there bikinis (as is normal for body builders) but also some young women who pose in a very sexualised way in barely there bikinis....lots of boobs & bum on show. (Not topless but good as.) One girl has asked me if that is appropriate for a teacher & I'm struggling with how I feel about this. I would have thought all teachers have to have squeaky clean social media or set it to private. I've asked the headmaster for his views but wondered what others thought-am I over reacting or is this not really OK?

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 04/11/2020 22:39

'
Today 21:27Kcar

It’s clear the OP has an agenda. She wants her dd to have a female PE teacher.'

Where on earth do you get that from?

Kcar · 04/11/2020 22:44

Where I get it from is this post where the op explicitly says she wants a female pe teacher.

Go to post
Add message | Report | Message poster | Quote happydappy2 Wed 04-Nov-20 15:39:04
The Head has got back to me & is reminding all staff that their social media should be private, for their own protection. I think this is right (& am surprised it was not already policy.)

We will see how things go-but the damage has already been done-the children have seen the sexualised images and already feel uncomfortable around him. A good female PE teacher would be my preference for this age group of girls. They are not looking to get out of PE, they want to participate but not feel wierded out by their teacher.

happydappy2 · 04/11/2020 22:47

To all the men posting on here-I can see you a mile off.

To clarify, it was a male pupil who showed me the teachers SM and thought it was off, so stop blaming girls. All the insinuations about nasty girls whipping up hate are.....wrong.

OP posts:
DidoLamenting · 04/11/2020 22:50

A good female PE teacher would be my preference for this age group of girls. They are not looking to get out of PE, they want to participate but not feel wierded out by their teacher

A few assumptions there aren't there?

I see the OP doesn't mention that she has discussed this with the parents or guardians of the girl who raised it with her.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 04/11/2020 22:52

@happydappy2

To all the men posting on here-I can see you a mile off.

To clarify, it was a male pupil who showed me the teachers SM and thought it was off, so stop blaming girls. All the insinuations about nasty girls whipping up hate are.....wrong.

Why did that child show you the account? Why did he not show his parents?

All your posts mention the girls being exposed to sexualised content. How the girls are uncomfortable with him and now they've discovered this.Did they actually see it too ? Did they searched for him as a group or did one of them do it and then went "ohh look what mr x has on his account " ?

RealityNotEssentialism · 04/11/2020 22:54

To clarify, it was a male pupil who showed me the teachers SM and thought it was off, so stop blaming girls. All the insinuations about nasty girls whipping up hate are...wrong.

Oh? Is it a mixed sex class? Do the boys feel uncomfortable too? It all sounds a bit odd and I hope the teachers locks it down ASAP. But anyway, just because people don’t agree with you doesn’t mean that they are men. I think relatively few men post on FWR.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 04/11/2020 22:57

@RealityNotEssentialism

To clarify, it was a male pupil who showed me the teachers SM and thought it was off, so stop blaming girls. All the insinuations about nasty girls whipping up hate are...wrong.

Oh? Is it a mixed sex class? Do the boys feel uncomfortable too? It all sounds a bit odd and I hope the teachers locks it down ASAP. But anyway, just because people don’t agree with you doesn’t mean that they are men. I think relatively few men post on FWR.

There are plenty, but mostly for trolling purposes or hoping for "Mumsnet is evil" screenshot opportunities.
NiceGerbil · 04/11/2020 22:58

'Why is it inappropriate? Because he teaches in a totally different building and always seems to be walking past when the girls are getting changed. Why would he need to be in that corridor? Hanging around where girls are getting changed is quite obviously inappropriate and different to what is described here. This man is the PE teacher whereas you’re describing someone who doesn’t teach PE suddenly appearing every time you’re in your PE kit. Can you not see the difference?'

No.

The staff room and canteen were in the main building. He had perfectly valid reasons to be there.

I never said he was 'hanging around'. I specifically said he didn't do anything at all apart from walk past surprisingly often!

There was no obvious thing to say, he did x.

Some of the girls found him creepy. I personally didn't. Looking back he did walk past an awful lot though!

All there was, was done girls saying they found him creepy. When he could well have been going about perfectly legitimate business.

No different at all.

NiceGerbil · 04/11/2020 22:59

Oh heh kcar missed that.

Fair enough.

Maybe op is biased as previous female teacher was awesome. Who can say.

DidoLamenting · 04/11/2020 23:04

@happydappy2

To all the men posting on here-I can see you a mile off.

To clarify, it was a male pupil who showed me the teachers SM and thought it was off, so stop blaming girls. All the insinuations about nasty girls whipping up hate are.....wrong.

I personally haven't blamed the girls. I have been critical of you and your approach.

And "ooh you're a man" cuts no ice with me. I don't know if the other posters who have been critical of you are men. Their posts don't particularly strike me as being made by men.

RealityNotEssentialism · 04/11/2020 23:08

@NiceGerbil

'Why is it inappropriate? Because he teaches in a totally different building and always seems to be walking past when the girls are getting changed. Why would he need to be in that corridor? Hanging around where girls are getting changed is quite obviously inappropriate and different to what is described here. This man is the PE teacher whereas you’re describing someone who doesn’t teach PE suddenly appearing every time you’re in your PE kit. Can you not see the difference?'

No.

The staff room and canteen were in the main building. He had perfectly valid reasons to be there.

I never said he was 'hanging around'. I specifically said he didn't do anything at all apart from walk past surprisingly often!

There was no obvious thing to say, he did x.

Some of the girls found him creepy. I personally didn't. Looking back he did walk past an awful lot though!

All there was, was done girls saying they found him creepy. When he could well have been going about perfectly legitimate business.

No different at all.

Oh okay well then I take back what I said. What was the point of talking about how he taught in a different building if he had reason to walk past? It could just be that it always coincided with him walking past because your PE class was when he had a free period or something. I don’t know 🤷‍♀️ I always walk past my university sports centre at 11.10 every Thursday because that’s when my seminar finishes and I return to my office. But someone who always uses the gym at that particular time might think I’m always hanging around.

All I know is that people can’t be disciplined at work on the basis of vague feelings. That’s very dangerous. Of course girls should be vigilant and trust their intuition but I’d feel very uncomfortable firing someone without anything of substance at least being alleged.

Noideawottodo · 04/11/2020 23:12

Of course girls should be vigilant and trust their intuition but I’d feel very uncomfortable firing someone without anything of substance at least being alleged

You couldn't fire someone on the basis of feelings.

RealityNotEssentialism · 04/11/2020 23:20

No, hopefully not. I just don’t really understand what it is OP and those who agree with her want to happen. She’d already spoken to the HT before posting so she was seeking advice about the girls feeling uncomfortable. What should the HT realistically do about that?

NiceGerbil · 04/11/2020 23:26

Are you reality, originally? If so yes of course I know you! Been here since green fields etc.

'But in those situations you can’t do anything really beyond avoiding being on your own with that person. Which there is no reason for any of these girls to do. What you can’t do is to threaten other people’s jobs due to someone’s vague intuition. '

I think there are situations where students shouldn't be on their own with teachers probably? I mean it depends but a flat out that's ok is, not ok.

Can you point me in the direction of op wanting a sacking? I may have missed that too. Not on form tonight.

NiceGerbil · 04/11/2020 23:29

I've said what I think is the thing to do in my first post.

'Obviously a girl or girls getting uncomfortable isn't something you can act on. However, please do say to DD thanks for telling me. Keep an eye out for each other. Trust your instincts.'

DownThePlath · 04/11/2020 23:29

@happydappy2

To all the men posting on here-I can see you a mile off.

To clarify, it was a male pupil who showed me the teachers SM and thought it was off, so stop blaming girls. All the insinuations about nasty girls whipping up hate are.....wrong.

Can you? Which posters are men then?
NiceGerbil · 04/11/2020 23:31

On the other hand we have had

Girls this age are bitchy and awful
They probably fancy him
They probably have taken against him
They should be told not to gossip (aka take to each other about his behaviour)
They are in the wrong for googling him and looking at his public social media
Etc etc

Don't get it.

Telling kids all this stuff and having society feel like that has not done well by an awful lot of children over the years.

unsure111 · 04/11/2020 23:39

I know a girl who lives in my area who did topless photo shoots and other modelling. She's now a primary school teacher and and thinks shes the worlds most amazing earth mum. I do always wonder what the school would say if they ever caught site of the pictures 🤔

Goosefoot · 04/11/2020 23:57

@NiceGerbil

I find it pretty depressing that on FWR the advice to a girl who is unsettled by a man (any man) is. He's done nothing wrong. Ignore it. He's probably a great guy and it's not fair on him to feel like that when he's done nothing. Etc etc

Creep radar should always be listened to. Telling girls stuff like this means that don't have the tools to get out in time in other circs. Don't be rude. It's not fair to think that. He's not done anything wrong...

A nope from me.

Maybe it's because some of us, having grown up, realise that our creep meter at that age was pretty poor, that sometimes it could be self-serving, and that it could be influenced by the other kids.
chickenyhead · 05/11/2020 00:23

And some of us actually learnt the hard way that their creep meter should NEVER be ignored

ReneeRol · 05/11/2020 00:28

This man has done nothing wrong. A lot of women on here are projecting their own issues onto him, just stop. It's disgusting how people are demonising this man they don't know based on absolutely nothing. This man hasn't done anything to any of you. Ffs.

Goosefoot · 05/11/2020 00:33

@NiceGerbil

On the other hand we have had

Girls this age are bitchy and awful
They probably fancy him
They probably have taken against him
They should be told not to gossip (aka take to each other about his behaviour)
They are in the wrong for googling him and looking at his public social media
Etc etc

Don't get it.

Telling kids all this stuff and having society feel like that has not done well by an awful lot of children over the years.

Here is the thing - lots of us have either had an experience, being teenage girls ,of other girls in our group acting that way, or doing so ourselves.

It can be very thrilling to gossip, and how many of us had absolutely miserable teenage school experiences because of it? Or were drawn into some sort of horrible social bullying? And making up plausible stories was often part of that, and looking for evidence of them to convince yourself, as much as others, wanting to have something exciting to contribute. To be too credible and easily influenced by other girl's opinions.

I've had my teen girls come home with stories about other kids, about teachers, about other kids parents. And while I don't generally dismiss them unless they are obviously impossible, I also always encourage them to try and think about what they have heard, where it came from, or to define their own feelings and question their observations. Not to make them less able to discern problem people, but the opposite, to make them more able to do so. And that's based on my own experiences, which I have a heck of a lot more of than they do including the gift of hindsight.

Maybe you never experienced that kind of thing, but it's common enough that most women I have talked to about it have, and have been hurt by it, or seen someone else hurt.

saraclara · 05/11/2020 00:34

I wonder in what order these things happened.

It might well be that he's behaving entirely normally in their lessons, and they only decided that he watched hen in a 'creepy' way after they saw his Instagram.

Goosefoot · 05/11/2020 00:34

@chickenyhead

And some of us actually learnt the hard way that their creep meter should NEVER be ignored
Maybe you're a savant.
saraclara · 05/11/2020 00:34

hen=them