advice on a male teacher at DDs school please

[happydappy2]

My DD in year 9 used to have a wonderful female PE teacher who went on mat leave & might not come back. Currently a young male teacher has taken over and the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them doing PE. One of them has looked at his social media & seen who he is following on instagram....lots of female body builders who pose in skimpy barely there bikinis (as is normal for body builders) but also some young women who pose in a very sexualised way in barely there bikinis....lots of boobs & bum on show. (Not topless but good as.) One girl has asked me if that is appropriate for a teacher & I'm struggling with how I feel about this. I would have thought all teachers have to have squeaky clean social media or set it to private. I've asked the headmaster for his views but wondered what others thought-am I over reacting or is this not really OK?

A lot of these instagram influencers and body builders run in the same circles, so I don't think he would have given much thought to following them, and if it's social media then he'll likely think that as long as it's allowed on the platform, there'll be nothing wrong with it. Probably hasn't crossed his mind that people would find it inappropriate.

The female bodybuilders he follows will be in bikinis exactly because they're bodybuilders. And he's a PE teacher so presumably has an interest in fitness accounts anyway.

I think he needs to be judged on his behaviour at school, and not by who he follows on instagram.

@Goosefoot

chickenyhead

And some of us actually learnt the hard way that their creep meter should NEVER be ignored

Maybe you're a savant. **

No, just abused.

Good to see that you grew out of your bullying there!

'00:34Goosefoot

chickenyhead

And some of us actually learnt the hard way that their creep meter should NEVER be ignored

Maybe you're a savant.'

Just catching up but.. blimey. I'm hoping you misread what she wrote?

Goosefoot like I said. Middle ground.

The prevailing idea in society about girls and sex and what have you is well demonstrated though.

If anything were to happen, the defence has already been written.

He has done nothing wrong. Nothing.

At worst followed some people on SM.

You are whipping up a storm with NO evidence.

I take safeguarding very seriously as a teacher of 24 years experience in the job.

I also take potential parental bullying serious.

What do you want out of this? What's your claim? What would you say to school management?

What storm? This is an anonymous chat board.

Why is a woman saying, DD and a few of her friends feel uncomfortable suchs big thing?

Ok DD. Thanks for telling me. Not s lot i can do. Keep an eye out for your friends and tell me if anything else happens.

Nononono,!
So bad.

Girls that age are lying bitches who gossip and spread rumours. Because they fancy him. Or have taken against him. Maybe both! They are also guilty of stalking by looking at his public social media accounts! Someone somewhere ,(op? Hysterical evil girl? Wants him SACKED for sure. Even though... Whatever).

The reaction to a girl and her friends saying to a mum. 'the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them doing PE' is really sad.

As I posted about at length earlier. The dismissal of children especially girls as essentially. What they say isn't worth shit. Cos. Bitches. Etc. Well that's served us so well in the past hasn't it.

Laugh it off. Benefit of the doubt. Imagining it. You just fancy him,! You just hate him! Etc etc etc

If he is young as pp have pointed out he should know to have his social media locked down.

And if a child comes and says Mr X makes me feel uncomfortable the way he looks at me... Telling her ^ is a lesson learnt. Ignore your instincts you're wrong. Don't bother me with this again, not interested.

Year after year after year we have read about local sports coaches, celebrities, men of the cloth, teachers, cab drivers, politicians... And on and on and on. Abusing children.

And here in fwr today we have the same old shit rolled out.

Girls are bitches
Girls lie
Girls imagine things
They fancy him
They hate him
They're trying to ruin his life
There's no evidence
You can't trust what girls that age say

And so on and so forth.

Fucking hell. The vitriol and assumptions aimed at girls no one knows vs the total and protection of a man no one knows

Is eye opening.

On the one hand. Mum he makes me and some other girls feel uncomfortable.

On the other hand. Well. All the stuff I just wrote that's assumed about these girls.

Yeah bit shit tbh.

I can't get my head round that, when told he creeps them out OP didn't ask "Why, in what way, what does he do?"
That would be my first question.

In the op.

The way he watches them when they do PE.

I don't think the phrase 'creeps them out' was used. It was makes them feel uncomfortable.

Does that help?

He looks at them, apparently . I'd love to see that meeting when OP sits with school management. My daughter's teacher looks at his students.

And follows people on instagram.

NiceGerbil I totally agree. Excellent post.

I know many teenage girls and Gerbil's list doesn't describe any of them. Young men who think that the pornification of young women is OK are ten a penny. I would not want such men teaching my teenage girl PE or influencing my teenage boy.

No wonder the UK has a dire dire problem recruiting and retaining teachers.

@happydappy2

To all the men posting on here-I can see you a mile off.

To clarify, it was a male pupil who showed me the teachers SM and thought it was off, so stop blaming girls. All the insinuations about nasty girls whipping up hate are.....wrong.

A male pupil? You said up thread a child never told you.

You need to get your story straight! I’m female by the way!

I’ve taught year 9 girls before and they are the worst year for this kind of behaviour.

However I don’t believe you know. At all.

@NiceGerbil

What storm? This is an anonymous chat board.

Why is a woman saying, DD and a few of her friends feel uncomfortable suchs big thing?

Ok DD. Thanks for telling me. Not s lot i can do. Keep an eye out for your friends and tell me if anything else happens.

Nononono,!
So bad.

Girls that age are lying bitches who gossip and spread rumours. Because they fancy him. Or have taken against him. Maybe both! They are also guilty of stalking by looking at his public social media accounts! Someone somewhere ,(op? Hysterical evil girl? Wants him SACKED for sure. Even though... Whatever).

The reaction to a girl and her friends saying to a mum. 'the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them doing PE' is really sad.

As I posted about at length earlier. The dismissal of children especially girls as essentially. What they say isn't worth shit. Cos. Bitches. Etc. Well that's served us so well in the past hasn't it.

Laugh it off. Benefit of the doubt. Imagining it. You just fancy him,! You just hate him! Etc etc etc

If he is young as pp have pointed out he should know to have his social media locked down.

And if a child comes and says Mr X makes me feel uncomfortable the way he looks at me... Telling her ^ is a lesson learnt. Ignore your instincts you're wrong. Don't bother me with this again, not interested.

Year after year after year we have read about local sports coaches, celebrities, men of the cloth, teachers, cab drivers, politicians... And on and on and on. Abusing children.

And here in fwr today we have the same old shit rolled out.

Girls are bitches
Girls lie
Girls imagine things
They fancy him
They hate him
They're trying to ruin his life
There's no evidence
You can't trust what girls that age say

And so on and so forth.

Fucking hell. The vitriol and assumptions aimed at girls no one knows vs the total and protection of a man no one knows

Is eye opening.

On the one hand. Mum he makes me and some other girls feel uncomfortable.

On the other hand. Well. All the stuff I just wrote that's assumed about these girls.

Yeah bit shit tbh.

Yet the OP never focused on any of that when speaking to the head. She didn’t even ask the girls why they felt uncomfortable. She just focused on the SM account. Which is irrelevant.

I think that’s why most posters think this is BS tbh

No wonder the UK has a dire dire problem recruiting and retaining teachers.

This sort of situation is barely relevant, if it's relevant at all, to the recruitment and retention of teachers. Teachers face much bigger problems than not being allowed to publicly follow sexualised Instas and having to behave appropriately around teenagers.

So have any of the girls who he teaches PE to actually told you what he does?

It is it all third hand via a boy who they have told?

I completely disagree he is likely to be following the instas because they are “sexualised”.

I think he’s following them because they’re fitness related.

In what way does the op describe him behaving inappropriately? He’s a PE teacher watching the pupils do PE.

I’ve taught year 9 girls before and they are the worst year for this kind of behaviour.

Don't listen to anything your daughter and her friends say, OP. No matter what they say has happened, they are lying, because they are "year 9 girls".

(Jesus fuck, this thread is something else)

For the record. I’m female.

When I was a young teenager there was a teacher who I felt very uncomfortable around as did some of my friends. I told my mother who believed me. Unfortunately it was another 4 years before the true extent of his abuse of children came out and after he was jailed and released it was another two decades or so before he was jailed again for offences in another school. I could never understand why adults could not see what we girls meant. The truth is that he was openly showing us he was “attracted” to us and carefully watching our responses so he could prey on the vulnerable girls.

NiceGerbil I actually don’t disagree with your proposed course of action at all. I think it’s important to teach safety to kids. They should always be wary of any teacher trying to get them on their own or who gives out contact details or follows them on social media. Those things should ring alarm bells. That goes for pupils of both sexes because there have been cases of both male and female teachers grooming pupils and having ‘relationships’ with them. They should also look out for friends. However, I get the distinct sense that the OP doesn’t want this man teaching the class (because she’s said so).

The fact that they all dislike him is probably a pretty good thing. The groomers are often pretty popular- it’s how they manage to befriend students. For instance the pupils of Jeremy Forrest talked about how well liked he was at the school. As I said above, any inappropriate behaviour at my school tended to involve popular staff members who were then able to cross the line. That’s where the danger lies. Teens aren’t really at risk from creepy pedophiles in macs- the much greater danger comes from eg a 25 year old, cool, trendy guy who befriends a teen girl and tells her that he’s her ‘boyfriend’. But often that person will not give off any ‘creepy vibes’- quite the opposite.

@Kcar

I completely disagree he is likely to be following the instas because they are “sexualised”.

I think he’s following them because they’re fitness related.

In what way does the op describe him behaving inappropriately? He’s a PE teacher watching the pupils do PE.

He should have more fucking sense than to be publicly following scantily-clad women on Instagram when he is a TEACHER who teaches TEENAGERS and who is in the position of having to teach TEENAGE GIRLS PE, which is a not-ideal setup at the best of times as teenage girls feel uncomfortable enough with PE, and will feel even more uncomfortable if their teacher is a man.

If there is no way round this due to staffing issues then the man needs to understand that his behaviour needs to be beyond reproach, and not be publicly interacting with sexualised social media accounts. His inability to realise this and, preferably not follow them but failing that, do it on a private/anonymous/locked account, suggests that this man is probably not a suitable candidate for this particular role.

Op I’m really confused.

Currently a young male teacher has taken over and the girls feel uncomfortable when he watches them doing PE. One of them has looked at his social media & seen who he is following on instagram....lots of female body builders who pose in skimpy barely there bikinis (as is normal for body builders) but also some young women who pose in a very sexualised way in barely there bikinis....lots of boobs & bum on show. (Not topless but good as.) One girl has asked me if that is appropriate for a teacher & I'm struggling with how I feel about this. I would have thought all teachers have to have squeaky clean social media or set it to private

This bit of your op doesn’t mention a boy telling you. You say “the girls” in the previous sentence and then go on to say “on of them” which refers back to “the girls”.

You then discuss him following fitness people on insta who are as good as topless and say one girl asked you if it was appropriate.

So, that relates to the fitness models.

As far as I can see, you have not told any of the parents of any of these girls, nor the parents of the boy who told you (albeit you phrased your op such that it was a girl who showed you) - you really should have told their parents so that they could investigate and question their children and also takes concerns to the head.

If the pe teacher is behaving inappropriately around the girls and the boys why did you focus on his insta and not raise the issue of his inappropriate behaviour?

@Quillink

No wonder the UK has a dire dire problem recruiting and retaining teachers.

This sort of situation is barely relevant, if it's relevant at all, to the recruitment and retention of teachers. Teachers face much bigger problems than not being allowed to publicly follow sexualised Instas and having to behave appropriately around teenagers.

I can't believe this has to be said.

This thread, man.

Agree. OP should not be acting as some confidante to various kids in the class and encouraging them to show her the IG account etc. That’s actually quite inappropriate. Get them to tell their own parents (plus in Covid times, should you be having multiple kids over to your house? Off topic, I know).

Yet the OP never focused on any of that when speaking to the head. She didn’t even ask the girls why they felt uncomfortable. She just focused on the SM account. Which is irrelevant.

It's not irrelevant. It shows this man has a poor understanding of appropriate public behaviour as a teacher who teaches teenage girls. Which is actually quite significant.