Just ‘be kind’

[SmallPug]

How do you counter all those ‘be kind’, or ‘it’s just being nice’ comments. They drive me absolutely nuts. It’s not kind or nice to divorce meanings from words - it has unintended consequences. It’s not kind or nice to erase women. It’s not kind to insist women tolerate men in their spaces. I’m so FURIOUS at the implication that I’m just being a big meany.

Rise above. Ignore it. It's irrelevant. Focus on calm, factual statements and sometimes questions. Large parts of this debate are just diversionary tactics.

They're using it to shut you down. That's not kind, so you are under no obligation to be yourself. I would ask where the kindness is to women.

Agree with Arabella though, it's a diversionary tactic which is probably best ignored.

You can retort that you are being kind. You're being kind to women and girls. You're being kind to gender-confused children being pushed into a lifetime of medicalisation and sterility.

Kindness goes both ways. How is it kind to try to undermine legal sex based protections.

"Be kind" etc is generally directed at women to take advantage of our female socialisation to put everyone but ourselves first and to worry that others might think badly of us. Many women are very invested in being seen as being "nice" and "kind" etc.

"Be kind" in this context is a request or demand to submit. No, Fuck that.

I like Helen Joyce's Twitter bio, which concludes:

"Not your support human; not a supporting actress. And no, you be kind"

Exactly, errol. I have nothing against kindness, and I spread it around to:

Women. Girls. Gender non conforming children. Autistic teenage girls. Girls who have been sexually abused. People with English as a second language. Trans widows. Children of late transitioners. Sportswomen. Women in public life. Trans people (yes. I don’t think that terrorising trans people with distorted statistics on suicide, insisting that no trans person needs help with their mental health,and accepting substandard and untested medical treatment is at all kind.)

I’ve got a massive fucking list of people I’m kind to.

Modern English definitions: kind (adj.) = doormat

Be kind these days just means shut the fuck up women, and do/think whatever the men tell you to.

Nope, I'll carry on being that utter bitch that sticks up for women and girls, thanks.

Thanks everyone. In this case, it was a woman. Apparently it’s kind to teach children incorrect words to describe people, when I think it’s dangerous. Ffs. It’s like the whole ‘why don’t you want to be inclusive’ thing. Every time I see the word inclusive it makes me want to scream these days. Especially when feminism is inclusive of 50% (51?) of the population but people discredit it by saying it’s ‘cisheteronormative white feminism’.

I'll be kind when it applies as a two way street.

Accusing women of bigotry and silencing them, removing our language, opportunity to play sport fairly, misrepresenting our views and deplatforming is not kind. It's not even fair.

Fuck being kind. Being kind never got us the vote.

They annoy me too because what the people using them mean is don't challenge me, agree with me. And if you challenge my views you're ''not nice''.

Yes, we should be kind,

But if someone is unkind to me, then I won't go out of my way to be kind to them

I also will not lie under the guise of being kind, especially when I think that would be harmful to the person concerned

What's kind about a rape survivor having to use a service headed by a male? Where's the kindness to women jailed alongside rapists? To sportswomen told they must compete against males, and smile nicely when they are robbed of success?

What's kind about removing our own language from us, and our privacy, safety, and the right to be a collective?

This is a land-grab by male people, of female rights and provisions and even our ability to identify who we are, so we can work together as a group for our own betterment... and when we protest, we are told to be kind?

It's extraordinary, really. The sheer brass neck of it.

@NecessaryScene1

I like Helen Joyce's Twitter bio, which concludes:

"Not your support human; not a supporting actress. And no, you be kind"

love this response

The problem is that the ‘be kind’ progressive types just can’t see it. They’ve bought wholesale into the ‘most vulnerable group of people’ mantra and see anything that doesn’t validate them as cruel. It’s a really stunning coup, isn’t it. Most of the population unaware, and the progressives fighting your corner. I’m trying constantly to shine a light on this but I’m pretty sure most people think I’m obsessed / mad / a bigot.

@ErrolTheDragon

You can retort that you are being kind. You're being kind to women and girls. You're being kind to gender-confused children being pushed into a lifetime of medicalisation and sterility.

Exactly. Be kind to me and to your mother and aunt and niece and daughter. Oh and all of the children being force fed archaic stereo types (in school and via social media) to obliterate their sense of self so badly that they consider medicalised puberty avoidance with life long side effects.

"Not your support human; not a supporting actress. And no, you be kind"

Exactly.

Although it's quite useful to hear it trotted out, as it illustrates beautifully that whenever used in this context there is never a visible concept of or sincere holding of kindness as a value - or inclusion, or respect, or tolerance, or diversity, or intersectionality, or any of the other Big Words that get used. They're merely used as empty, hollow sounds because they are perceived as buttons to press that make other humans do what you want.

There is no intention of reciprocal values, what is meant is purely "Give me what I want. Now." So yes, useful, as it illustrates many of the key views involved by those who use it in this way.

The blasphemy label is just being recycled as far as I can see.

There is a growing body of flat earthers - they have their own netflix movie. I don't agree with them but there they are, entitled to their different opinion.

Anti - science is a growing trend, anti - intellectualism seems to be remarkably popular in all aspects of life now. Maybe "be kind" just needs the added social context.

It's not kind to lie to people. It's not kind to lie to children and promise them something they cannot have.

It's also not kind to lie to vulnerable people and pretend that they are not seeing what you are both seeing.

It's not kind to take someone's right to privacy and dignity away from them.

You could point out the massive sexism in assuming female athletes ought to be "kind" rather than competitive.

Being kind leads to housing rapists (of women) with women inmates
Being kind leads to women losing sex discrimination cases because now “men” can’t do those things either

"Do better" is the one that makes me rage.

This is more to the point: