Very naive and uneducated in this topic...please can you help me before I challenge the school?

[copernicium]

14yo DD came home injured from school, saying a boy threw her across the room as she was winning against him in PE. I was confused about this, as as far as I am aware, PE was single sex.

It turns out that three boys do PE with them, as they "don't like doing it with the boys". A little digging by messaging other parents, who were also unaware, and then asking their child, reveals that "it's the gay boys as they don't like getting muddy and wet".

Additionally, there is conversation about a transitioning female who uses the male changing room.

I've looked at the school policies and there is nothing regarding any of this.

I've emailed the school asking what their policy / risk assessment / safeguarding position is with this, as to me it feels like a few boys are getting special treatment and then using this to hurt girls. I'm worried that at this age, boys could actually have the potential to hurt girls if they are playing sport together.

The year head is calling me today so any advice regarding actual law or what is the norm would be greatly appreciated.

The boy sounds like a dick but as the school points out, mixed sex sport is 'allowed' until 16. Also the aggression didn't happen in the course of the sport.

However, my dds old school (mixed, state), were very hot on this kind of thing and if she'd been picked on and hurt like this they would have informed me, they took things like this very seriously (sadly something similarish happened but from a girl rather than a boy). Important to ensure the boy knows its totally unacceptable

And how do you teach the boys its unacceptable when the school have already allowed them to breech one set of boundries, and school suddenly expects them to stop? When they have already been allowed ti do something no other kids can and thats choose who's lesson to attend. We trust kids who have been given free range privileges to know when its appropriate to stop?

The school told the kids it was single sex pe and now the boys have the boys pe lesson and the girls . Where do the girls go now?

Just don't hit other people ought to do it.

@Janevaljane

*Why are school fucking this up? Why don't they care about their female pupils?*

They are calling the mum to talk about it.

I doubt very much they are in that class because they are gay.

What sport was it OP?

I might be miss-reading the thread, but yes those boys are openly gay and requested to go in the girls class because they don't like getting muddy.

but what about the incident did they not say anything about that

What about straight boys who don't want to get muddy. Or do they have to declare they're gay to get special privileges. What about girls who want to get wet and muddy? What do they have to declare to allow them to do so?

but what about the incident did they not say anything about that

If its all legit and open why did none of the parents know about any of it. If 2 kids got into a fight their parents would be called. You get emails if they are late or getting a detention or put in isolation etc

Radio silence on mixed sex sports and the fact that the boys changing room is now mixed sex too?

Why don't they tell everyone then?

If “being thrown” wasn’t part of the sport being played then it was assault. If it was part of the sport, where is the risk assessment?

And I say this as the mother of DS16 who hated sports and DD13 who plays contact rugby, school football and competes internationally in karate.

DD trains against boys and says she’s never competed against a girl who could hurt her as much as the boy she used to train with (who was removed from mainstream education......)

[quote newrubylane]@growinggreyer unfortunately we can't guarantee that all teenage girls will be able to play sports 'skilfully and well'. Don't those girls deserve to be safe too? This is mandatory PE lesson, not a chosen extracurricular sports activity, remember.[/quote]
That is not my opinion, I was quoting someone else.

requested to go in the girls class because they don't like getting muddy
I find that hard to believe. Perhaps they preferred the sport?

The point here isn't whether single sex sports or mixed sex sports are better for PE, most schools will do both at various points and both will have benefits. The point is that the rules and way sports are played will depend on whether they are single sex or mixed so mixed sex rugby, for instance, will be a non-contact form that has been assessed as suitable for mixed sex groups. The problem with what this school has done is that it appears that the boys are being offered a choice of doing competitive single sex sport or a mixed sex activity without the girls being offered the same choice (which breaks equality laws) OR they are allowing boys to participate in a single sex sport for girls when they shouldn't (safety issues). Either way it's not ok, imo.

@Whatwouldscullydo well yes. Before lockdown, I had a phonecall from the head of year because she used her phone to check the time in the corridor.

Mixed sex sport is not, of itself, a problem. There is a problem with having boys compete against girls as unfair, competitively on the girls, and there is a problem with mixed sex contact sports due to potential injury. I don’t know that the mixed sex angle is the best place to start with this. I would start with the angle that this was a deliberate act outside the rules of the game and as such constitutes assault. Then take that as the starting point - what’s their policy on students assaulting others? Why wasn’t that followed in this case? If they it wasn’t followed because it’s PE then I would push back against that and say if they aren’t going to provide students with protection from physical assault in PE they need to assess the impact of having boys do PE with girls as there is an obvious greater risk to girls, post puberty, of being assaulted by boys.

I would also find out if they are doing contact sport with these boys and protest about that, but not until the assault is dealt with.

@Janevaljane

Just don't hit other people ought to do it.

Rule 1 of behaviour management is that 'ought to' gets you absolutely nowhere...

Provided girls have consented. I am not sure about this. It is up to the adults to decide what the best (and safest) ways are of teaching sport. It is unfair to leave it to the children to decide. Many (most?) people try to fit in or do what they think is the right thing or what is expected of them. This is even worse in teenagers who are trying to navigate tribes and puberty.

I feel the same pale part of being a parent is making these decisions fir their own good whether they want it , appreciate it or hate us for it. That's our job. Tgey need us to do what tgey are currently bring encouraged out of and thats setting boundries. Until they have their own children and/or the life experience to understand the implications fully, we have to take the hit.

Actually pale and what thinking about it you've a point. The one I was trying (badly!) to make is probably more around safeguarding/boundaries as you've both said.

In OPs case I'm very uncomfortable with boys suddenly being placed in a setting that's always been single sex for clearly good reason because straight away those boundaries are blurred.

@SpaceOP

Oh god, I honestly have no idea what to advise but this is my worst nightmare. If you say it's inappropriate for the boys to be in PE with the girls, you'll probably get told you're being homophobic/unfair etc. I would definitely flag the issue that the boys ARE stronger, bigger etc and that therefore there are risks for the girls but I am not convinced you're going to have any joy on that. I have a friend who honestly doesn't get this issue of boys in girls sports - she thinks that because Serena Williams can beat 99% of men at tennis, the issue doesn't exist.

I also think you should be asking why the girls should be uncomfortable to accommodate the boys is okay with the school, but again, I'm not very optimistic.

Good luck.

The irony is the bit about Serena being able to beat most men in tennis is not even true. A mediocre male tennis player could beat her. Not because she's not great at tennis just because that's the hand women have been dealt by biology

This is a safeguarding issue. Your daughter was assaulted in school whilst in the care of the school.
It sounds like the school has a policy of boys will be boys. It is not acceptable in any lesson to be hurt. How does your daughter feel now after the event, also write this down. Is she scared? Call 101 and report it and you will get an incident number to quote back at the school.
Include the safeguarding lead in all your emails. Do not chat on phone to them as you need a record of everything.
Sexism in schools is rife and by allowing this to go unpunished the school are sending a really bad message to girls and the message to boys that it is okay to hurt the girls. Thus is about power and control and that boy reacted how he did because he didn't have that power.
Safe schools alliance have a pdf on sexism in secondary schools which may help you. It is mainly about sexual harassment but you may be able to use it to frame your email. They also have other resources on single sex changing in schools if this was an issue.
Once this is sorted (if) the school seriously needs to address it's homophobia by allowing openly gay males to be shoved in with girls because the other boys are being mean!
We know many gay men are sexist and really dislike women so the fact they are gay does not mean they will be kind to your daughter or any other girl. Good luck and you are being a great mum sticking up for your daughter even if it causes some shit!

safeschoolsallianceuk.net/resources-2/factsheets/

It's not like a lesbian who dislikes cheese can have the fondue course removed from the menu.

I'd definitely go to that restaurant.

If you do speak on the phone, write a note immediately afterwards, sign and date it.

sorry, posted too soon... And follow up with an email setting out what was said.

@TheLobster Yep: www.marca.com/en/more-sports/2017/06/27/595296da468aeb99218b464c.html
No. 203 sweeps Williams
At the height of the Williams boom in 1998, an unofficial game took place in Australia after Serena and Venus claimed that no male player outside the top 200 could beat them.

Up stepped a German known as Karsten Braasch who was ranked 203rd in the world and after first beating Serena 6-1, he then disposed of Venus 6-2.

"I didn't know it would be that difficult. I played shots that would have been winners on the women's circuit and he got to them very easily," said Serena.

"They wouldn't have had a chance against anyone inside the top 500 because today I played like someone ranked 600th to keep it fun," was Braasch's assessment.