Very naive and uneducated in this topic...please can you help me before I challenge the school?

[copernicium]

14yo DD came home injured from school, saying a boy threw her across the room as she was winning against him in PE. I was confused about this, as as far as I am aware, PE was single sex.

It turns out that three boys do PE with them, as they "don't like doing it with the boys". A little digging by messaging other parents, who were also unaware, and then asking their child, reveals that "it's the gay boys as they don't like getting muddy and wet".

Additionally, there is conversation about a transitioning female who uses the male changing room.

I've looked at the school policies and there is nothing regarding any of this.

I've emailed the school asking what their policy / risk assessment / safeguarding position is with this, as to me it feels like a few boys are getting special treatment and then using this to hurt girls. I'm worried that at this age, boys could actually have the potential to hurt girls if they are playing sport together.

The year head is calling me today so any advice regarding actual law or what is the norm would be greatly appreciated.

I would stick with the facts you know as much as possible. Three boys are participating in PE with the girls. Why is this and what has been done, and will be done going forward to ensure the safety of the female participants, and particularly your daughter? How was this incident of violence allowed to happen in the first place, how has it been recorded and addressed within the school? Where is the risk assessment, where are the safeguarding procedures? I wouldn't necessarily focus on whether these boys are gay or not as that may be hearsay or assumption rather than fact, but would be questioning why they have been removed from the male group and placed with the girls.

On a personal note I would be livid if this had happened to one of my children, it's so wrong to put children at risk like this.

I would be asking what are the consequences for one pupil attacking another in class? How will they guarantee it won't happen again??

Fuming on your DDs behalf!

To be honest I think the sex of the child is not where to start- where to start is that a child hurt your child in PE class because they were annoyed at her. How do they prevent this happening in future?

I wouldn't be concerned necessarily about the sex strength difference, I'd be concerned that they are teaching people to be respectful of their fellow players in sport. I've done mixed martial arts training with adult men who are a lot stronger than me and a lot better at the sports, who have without exception been very cautious to spar at my ability, to not hit/kick too hard, to ask about my boundaries and thoughts on particular drills/moves

i do think the gender/sexuality here is a red herring in terms of your daughter.

However..
I would be asking why these 'gay' boys are being singled out and separated from doing PE with the other boys, surely thats homophobic?
Why aren't the girls out 'getting muddy' as that surely sexist?

I would also be addressing how they plan on safeguarding your daughter as 'throwing' anyone, regardless of gender is absolutely unacceptable behaviour under ANY circumstance.

I find it quite extraordinary to think that a school would segregate PE by sex then include the boys who were perceived as weaker.

I'd be asking the school:
Why they are allowing one pupil to physically attack another pupil in any class?

Have they included some boys in the girls' lessons, and if so why, and how can they guarantee your daughter's physical safety?

Why they are not letting the girls go outside to get muddy too?

Like @Calabasa I'm surprised they do sex segregated sport. Even when I was at school we could all chose to do any of the activities as otherwise it's pretty sexist (and that was a while ago!)

I think it's sexist to do different PE. I think boys and girls should be separated and do different activities at different times, but the same over a term, but if the boys have to get 'muddy and wet' and the girls don't then how is that fair? They should be separated by sex though, gay boys are not girls.

Sex segregation is definitely reasonable in PE if, for e.g., the school includes rugby on its curriculum (as is the case at my DS's school) - rugby becomes single sex (for the most part - see thread on the fuckwitted decision by the RFU recently) from age 11, and rightly so, because the strength and size differential is so great that girls would inevitably get seriously injured even if both sexes were playing within the rules of the game.

And it's a complete red-herring to compare this situation with mixed sparring in MMA training where you know the men in your club and can trust them to hold back.

And it's a complete red-herring to compare this situation with mixed sparring in MMA training where you know the men in your club and can trust them to hold back

Surely the holding back is an issue in its self. Those who excel at sport should get to do their very best rather than worry they could snap a girls neck if they fell wrong.

How do we expect kids to live with themselves like this. All so adults can display their certificates

[quote MotherMood]@Angel2702
I'm shocked that your experience is schools having mixed lessons - including hockey/football etc??
There is a clear difference in physical advantage. It's the first I've heard of post pubescent boys playing against girls in these sports. [/quote]
Boys can be at different stages of development though, so there needs to be care taken within a single sex group too. My 14 year old boy is 160cm and 47kg, I would be a closer physical match for him than some boys his age, and I am smaller than many schoolgirls.

it's the gay boys as they don't like getting muddy and wet..

OP small point. Are these boys openly gay or are they just assumed to be gay based on their appearance, mannerisms etc?

Yes they are openly gay and I put quotation marks as this was the general reply I was getting - so I haven't phrased this information to the school, I've just asked why.

My dd played against boys in football until she was 16. It's perfectly legal and normal. If the girls played skillfully and well then they never got hurt.

I think the comment about the "gay boys" is awful.

I wouldn't talk to the school at all.

If the girls played skillfully and well then they never got hurt.

Oh, well that is ok. If only the OP's daughter had remembered to be skilful she wouldn't have got thrown across the room by a male who is bigger and stronger than she can ever hope to be.

So boys' PE is effectively segregated by sexuality? Ask if they have any plans to segregate girls' PE by sexuality as well....

What sport were they playing that involves throwing someone across the room?

The boys in football also didn't get hurt if they played well. It's one of the first things you learn how to tackle safely and legally.

Pe lessons include everyone from the skillfull to those who suck football but are brilliant at swimming or whatever .

Certain levels of skill to avoid being hurt by members of the opposite sex who shouldn't be there are not required

@HampshireMutha

In my eyes, the issue is the misbehaving boy who doesn't know right from wrong, rather than mixed PE lessons. He's obviously a little s* who would take the opportunity to hurt your DD whether he's in a PE class or not.

Yes, this. If he threw your dd across the room in temper than that needs dealing with. Was she gloating about beating a boy (not that that is any excuse at all for his behaviour but be ready for the teacher to say she was).

If she was beating him clearly having a few boys in the group isn't an issue.

As well as the issue of mixed sex sport not being safe at that age group, I am wondering why boys are doing more muddy sport than girls?

You are right to address this with the school.

Certain levels of skill to avoid being hurt by members of the opposite sex who shouldn't be there are not required

He didn't hurt her in the course of the actual PE.

Always email, never rely on a phone meeting.

What someone is prepared to ‘chat’ to you about will be very different to what they commit to writing.

This time...Next time maybe it will be a ball to the head or a bad tackle.

The lengths people go to to justify males invading girls sports...

The lengths people go to to justify males invading girls sports

Well, playing against boys made my dd much better at football and she made some really good male friends out of it. Wholly positive experience.

@Janevaljane, you are all over the shop with your argument today. I am sure that he did hurt her in the course of actual PE as that was the lesson they were in. I imagine that he body barged her or pushed her as part of a game, not realising that she would go flying rather than he picked her up bodily and threw her in a temper.

Aaah your of the "girls should just try harder" camp

Got it...