Very naive and uneducated in this topic...please can you help me before I challenge the school?

[copernicium]

14yo DD came home injured from school, saying a boy threw her across the room as she was winning against him in PE. I was confused about this, as as far as I am aware, PE was single sex.

It turns out that three boys do PE with them, as they "don't like doing it with the boys". A little digging by messaging other parents, who were also unaware, and then asking their child, reveals that "it's the gay boys as they don't like getting muddy and wet".

Additionally, there is conversation about a transitioning female who uses the male changing room.

I've looked at the school policies and there is nothing regarding any of this.

I've emailed the school asking what their policy / risk assessment / safeguarding position is with this, as to me it feels like a few boys are getting special treatment and then using this to hurt girls. I'm worried that at this age, boys could actually have the potential to hurt girls if they are playing sport together.

The year head is calling me today so any advice regarding actual law or what is the norm would be greatly appreciated.

Ah yes.. the joy of being all of 1.5 m tall and 47 kg expected to perform at the same tasks as others 10-20 cm taller and 10 kg heavier than me - and people wonder why I just 'phoned it in...

Still did plenty of martial arts, walking and swimming outside of school though.

Level 2 is when you ensure that people of similar size and height are placed together, particularly in contact sports never heard of this! Even in professional rugby you have different sizes doing different jobs.

Jane I think you're mixing up what is beneficial to girls with some (or high) levels of skill in football with what's beneficial to all girls within a school PE class

I did say this actually.

The comprehensive my DDs went to had mixed PE. It wasn't an issue - it's all about good supervision.

The two main issues here are around how the assault was allowed to happen and why the single sex PE isn't being applied across the board - if you're going to go that route, no exemptions.

It was more a New Zealand thing, given the children of Maori decent but it is mostly for youth groups given the size disparity and development of children during 11-18. I'm still considerably shorter than most teen girls (and some primary children) as an adult at 1.58m).

Thing is, team sports would be more inclusive if there was more biobanding and general scaling of exercise. Still remember looking at the pommel horse on one of the abortive attempts at secondary school gymnastics wondering if it was a joke... I ran and tapped it if I recall.

We certainly did some mixed lessons as does DS3 but not for contact sports like rugby or hockey. It was a bit rubbish playing basketball with the boys I remember, we didn't get a look in. The worst/best mixed lesson was the annual block of Scottish Country dancing, hell if you were last to be picked, great if you managed to dance with your crush, generally very embarrassing all round though and still a fixture of the PE timetable. I wonder how they deal with dance partner choice these days?
Sorry, bit of a derailment

@Angel2702

I’ve never known a school to do separate PE lessons it’s is mixed all the way through secondary school unless you are playing for a dedicated school team after school. So I don’t see an issue with mixed lessons. The behaviour needs to be addressed though as that is not acceptable.

Yes this was my thoughts to.

I think PE being mixed isn't the issue. The current issue is your daughter got hurt and the school need to deal with this and need to ensure it doesn't happen going forward. I dont think segregation in PE would fix this, I think if this boy got physical he will do it anywhere.

Hope your DD is ok.

I'm on the other side, I've never known PE lessons to be mixed in secondary school. yes, in primary but not past that. I dont think its appropriate for contact sport atall - because, no matter what way you look at it, there is a big difference generally in strength between the two sexes.

DD is at a mixed sex school. PE is segregated by sex, this is the norm in most schools locally. The only activity they do as mixed sex is dancing - which very few people seem to enjoy!
There are 2 issues for the OP to address.

1. The assault on her daughter
2. Why are there a few boys doing PE with the girls. Risk assessments? Safety and dignity of the girls, discrimination in various ways. Why aren't they dealing with the homophobia from the boys rather than treating the girls like a safe haven.

This school sounds ridiculous. I'd definitely want more information. Most schools near me have moved their PE to more individual things to prevent contact.

My DDs' schools is single sex, I grew up with mixed sex, I can see benefits of either depending on what's being covered.

Those who excel at sport should get to do their very best rather than worry they could snap a girls neck if they fell wrong.

Sparring isn't the same as competing. It's an important sparring skill to be able to dial your ability to your partner and to choose when to go full throttle which shouldn't be most of the time. One can often tell newer (or just egotistical) people by them trying to go 100%/'very best' too often or with a new sparring partner.

This however isn't about sparring, especially not older teens or adults fighters who can usually (weird rules some sports organizations have brought in aside) choose to compete in mixed vs single sex, but I don't think PE should be about going 100% either. Much like with sparring, there is benefit to starting low and working one's way up to more intense.

If the boys doing PE with girls are gay, you need more info on why this is a reason to mix them. Not liking rain and mud isn't linked to sexuality, so I wonder if it's homophobia that the school isn't dealing with as it's just easier to segregate students? If that's the case, they really need to think about how their policies protect gay students. A fully mixed PE lesson is one thing, but picking out a few boys to join the girls is quite different.

I've had experience of my daughter being assaulted/hurt by a boy at school, and also of negligence that resulted in quite a serious injury in PE. These were separate incidents, no boys were in the PE class, but what I learned was that schools get very anxious when you mention negligence and lack of safeguarding causing injury, i.e. this was not just an accident. So I think what you've said to the school is right - framing it in terms of their duty of care to students, and to ask for specific policies and risk assessments relating to mixed PE lessons. I don't think you'd get far if you asked for girls-only PE, but you can certainly expect a school to have a diligent approach to risk assessment in lessons, safeguarding and homophobia, and to have written policies and documents covering these issues. My daughter's school ended up rewriting several documents where their policies were either non-existent or unclear.

The other thing I'd advise is to write down your daughter's account of the incident and description of the injury (dates, how it happened, any bruising, pain, what staff and other students said and did, etc), and also take detailed notes of any conversations with school. Don't be afraid to ask for written confirmation, or to follow up calls with an email along the lines of "to clarify, you said x, and we agreed you would do y". A paper trail is always useful.

I meant to say in my first paragraph that fully mixed lessons would (hopefully) be planned and risk-assessed differently, whereas a few boys joining the class ad hoc, might not have that level of planning.

Record the conversation OP, but you will have to say you are doing so.
Screen grab all the online school policy before they insert something and say it was there all along

So the 3 boys don’t want to do sport with the other boys and at least one of them was pissed off for not even being able to beat a mere girl. The hierarchy at your dds school looks to me like this:

1 Transgirls (being allowed to change in the girls ffs)
2 Straight boys
3 Homosexual boys
And scraping the bottom of the barrel :
4 Girls

You’ve had some good advice about the violence and mixed sex Pe provision. You also need to address the changing room situation. The school can designate changing rooms as single sex under the equality act. Why are they not doing this? What is the risk assessment? Why has the boy now identifying as a transgirl not been offered a 3rd space to change in?

Seeing as the school was unable to keep your dd safe in an open and totally supervised environment, I would be concerned about how the school think they can keep her safe in a changing room. Safe schools alliance should be able to help with this as well.

Ha ha. I imagine you know very little about women's football. Shame, as it's a great sport.

Now I'm confused @Janevaljane - I thought you were against segregating by sex? Then you talk about how great women's football is.

Is adequate provision being made for changing/showering etc

I wouldn't approach it from the "we didn't know boys were in the girls PE class" I'd ask "What are you going to do to protect my DD because that behaviour is unacceptable and could happen anywhere in school?"

The other issue is separate - I didn't think changing rooms were used during Covid restrictions.

It sounds as if the school has been very lazy and decided to dump gay young men in with girls - the schiol needs to do work around their management of this issue. Sounds like the dark days when these pupils missed PE cos staff didn't know what to do with them

Ask questions op, as the others say, to make sure if the facts.

Are 3 boys joining the girls PE? why is that? If it's to do with which activity you prefer, can the girls opt to go outside? Why is pe described as single sex if it's based on which activities you prefer? Are all girls and all boys given the options around which pe they would prefer? If there's only 1 or 2 girls who want to 'get muddy' how do they ensure they feel comfortable putting themselves away from the girls and in with the boys? Isn't there a risk of stereotyping with all of this, if there are two choices- football type things outside or ? whatever inside? Etc etc etc etc

Whole thing makes no sense at all.

You definitely need to ask what risk assessments were done before this decision was made; whether or not the girls in the class were asked if they were happy - or simply told it was happening. Ask to see the schools LGBT policy and inform them of their legal obligation under the Equality Act to maintain single SEX spaces, such as toilets and changing rooms.

So they've quoted national guidelines that say girls and boys can play sport together until 16 and commented on my daughter doing extra curricular activities that involve sport with boys and she's used to it.
And it's not school policy to involve parents in such incidents.

I've said I'm not happy and will email the Head tonight ... using all the wonderful advice on here. Thank you.

thanks for updating, @copernicium.

Can I ask - did your daughter say she was deliberately thrown across the room by a boy (in a strop)? Or - she was going to beat him, and his competitive spirit took over and he physically thrust her out of the way, trying to win?

Neither is ok - even if she knows the difference.

Hope your dd is ok

that's a weak response from the school. "She's used to it" is really annoying. So - if you have chosen to take part in one thing, you are fair game to be injured in another context? Fuck that.

Yes she was deliberately thrown. I've taken this to mean barged with force to make her slide and fall, rather than physically picking her up in a bear hug and throwing her across the room. But it was definitely not part of the game and was deliberate. DD wouldn't have been boasting. She's talented at sport but a good sportswoman.