Very naive and uneducated in this topic...please can you help me before I challenge the school?

[copernicium]

14yo DD came home injured from school, saying a boy threw her across the room as she was winning against him in PE. I was confused about this, as as far as I am aware, PE was single sex.

It turns out that three boys do PE with them, as they "don't like doing it with the boys". A little digging by messaging other parents, who were also unaware, and then asking their child, reveals that "it's the gay boys as they don't like getting muddy and wet".

Additionally, there is conversation about a transitioning female who uses the male changing room.

I've looked at the school policies and there is nothing regarding any of this.

I've emailed the school asking what their policy / risk assessment / safeguarding position is with this, as to me it feels like a few boys are getting special treatment and then using this to hurt girls. I'm worried that at this age, boys could actually have the potential to hurt girls if they are playing sport together.

The year head is calling me today so any advice regarding actual law or what is the norm would be greatly appreciated.

Eeek. that is very bad.

People are "used" to alot of things. Doesn't make it ok

Consent isn't transferable

Who did like getting muddy and wet at school? We were out in all weathers (separate PE lessons for girls and boys), and absolutely no-one would have been allowed to say they didn’t like it. It’s all part of toughening you up, and rightly so. These gay boys are now incorrectly thinking they are toughening up by throwing girls across the room and causing injuries. Appalling. This is encouraging violence against women. These boys now think they have the right to treat girls like that because they’re competition.

Anecdote time.

DD used to do a martial art.

They did an activity and two of the other girls fought each other. Then they said swap and the two girls stayed together, there weren't any other girls who were that sightly older age and were good. Instructor noticed and said swap and put them with boys. They both looked resigned. One of them had the next fight right in front. The girl beat the boy. Which she expected- she was v good. His reaction was that was humiliated and angry- he had tears springing and for a second I honestly thought he was going to punch her in the face- I was ready to leap up and intervene. The instructor noticed and came over said smarten your belts get in line.

She knew what was going to happen and she didn't want to fight him.

The fact that in our society so many men and boys can't bear to be beaten by a girl or woman at pretty much anything is a real problem. The fact that they react with anger so often is a real problem.

While those problems are being dealt with, schools etc need to be aware of this dynamic when having mixed sports for older children especially.

Ridiculous that students can alter the content of their lessons based on their sexuality. Utterly preposterous. Being gay has nothing to do with liking being wet and muddy. They don't like being muddy, fine, but they can stay in their class and lump it. It's not like a lesbian who dislikes cheese can have the fondue course removed from the menu.

Attempts to be 'modern' are damaging gay rights surely more by sticking them all into ludicrous pigeon holes. I am sure there are plenty of sporty gay men and straight ones who dislike the mud. It's conflating stereotypes from the 1970s onto modern children.

Like @Calabasa I'm surprised they do sex segregated sport. Even when I was at school we could all chose to do any of the activities as otherwise it's pretty sexist (and that was a while ago!)

^^ this

The 1970s wouldn't have done it like this though! I was at school in the late 70s early 80s and it was much more children are children and if you don't want to go in a muddy field, tough. And if you're a girl who wants to, that's aok. (Tomboys were a thing, the label had it's own problems, but it seems much worse now in a more corrosive way).

I'm really upset for you that your child got injured at school, through malicious actions of another pupil.

It's great you aren't taking this lying down - I this the situation is horrific.
Homophobia
Putting the 3 boys wants above the safety of the female pupils
Do they have to share their changing rooms too?

Why are school fucking this up?
Why don't they care about their female pupils?

Why are school fucking this up?
Why don't they care about their female pupils?

They are calling the mum to talk about it.

I doubt very much they are in that class because they are gay.

What sport was it OP?

@Janevaljane

The lengths people go to to justify males invading girls sports

Well, playing against boys made my dd much better at football and she made some really good male friends out of it. Wholly positive experience.

Great for your daughter. That means no other views or opinions or other people experiences needed then? We can close the book.

Great for your daughter.That means no other views or opinions or other people experiences needed then?
We can close the book

There is no need to be churlish.

I was pointing out that mixed sex sport isn't as awful as some people here seem to think.

I've never heard anything so ridiculous as counting gay boys as girls because they don't like getting muddy? What the fuck?

Does being gay make you less of a boy?
Is getting muddy only for boys?

There's no way that policy can be explained without a whole tonne of sexism and homophobia.

I do agree that it's secondary to the fact that your child was assaulted at school by a fellow pupil. That's the main issue.

But still, I am gobsmacked by the "gay boys are girls" line they are apparently taking.

Girls often drop out doing sport all together. Years of being stereotyped out of it. Years of being the consolation prize at school where boys have to be told to remember to pick the girls when choosing teams. Years of boys mucking about in gymnastics and dance rotations because they view them as less some how so don't participate properly and sometimes eveb getting the girls in the group in trouble.

And that's before we even get to the fact that girls do not get the same level of encouragement, coaching, opportunity as boys. Boys Rugby ajd football teams are everywhere. Girls not so much and have to still be fought for to this day.

At my school the sexes were segregated when it came to PE. Boys played football and cricket, girls played hockey and rounders.

One summer day towards the end of term at age 14-15 we played a mixed game of rounders. One girl had fingers broken catching a ball off a boy's bat (she was our best catcher) due to the force of the hit, and I was knocked unconscious and suffered damage to an eye socket due to another boy aiming his ball straight at me and hitting me in the face. We weren't allowed to play rounders together after that short 10 minute game.

I hope your email is fruitful op. If one of the “gay boys” was my DC I would be miffed at the idea of him being lumped with the girls to avoid mud!

My view is that segregating secondary school students by sex for PE is obviously the right thing to do.

But NOT (as my school did) segregating the actual sports that they do, e.g. boys play cricket, girls play rounders, boys play rugby, girls play netball. That's sexist bullshit. All the children should be playing the same sports, including the muddy ones.

It sounds like OP's school is the worst of both worlds.

I have a friend who honestly doesn't get this issue of boys in girls sports - she thinks that because Serena Williams can beat 99% of men at tennis, the issue doesn't exist.

Serena Williams herself has said she wouldn't be able to beat the number 200 man in the world, so your friend's faith is touching but inaccurate. The difference is that huge.

I was pointing out that mixed sex sport isn't as awful as some people here seem to think.

No one said it was. But where there is physical contact involved, given the superior strength of teenage boys and men, safeguarding and risk must be assessed first.

You need to focus on it being another pupil behaved in that way and what are the consequences for that child and what are the safe guarding measures being put in place to protect your DD going forward.

As a tiny 5' 6 stone pupil at 16 I feel very vulnerable at the thought that any other pupil would behave like that towards me!!!

Consent isn't transferable

///// This. Our children, both sexes, need to know this.

Yes she's just about reaching 5 foot, don't know her weight but she wears size 4. She's strong and able, but there's nothing to her!

I was pointing out that mixed sex sport isn't as awful as some people here seem to think.

////:

Provided girls have consented to it and adequate risk assessment followed by immediate and visible no tolerance for bad sportsmanship behaviour, yes.

Otherwise we're already showing our girls they are way, way down the pecking order.

And of course the "othering " of gay boys is just appalling.

Well done OP for not taking this lying down. Hope your Dd is ok

I was pointing out that mixed sex sport isn't as awful as some people here seem to think.

that's lovely that you have had such a positive experience in mixed sex football - you sound quite sporty.

That is not to say, however, that every girl has a positive experience in mixed sex sport in fact, I would say that in general mixed sex sport is not suitable for girls at all for some of the reasons described by a number of people above.
My daughter and her female friends have a lovely time playing football at the park but they wouldn't dream of playing with or even in front of the boys because the boys at their school 'own' football (in their perception). The boys were arrogant and shouty and wouldn't let the girls near the ball when they all tried to play at playtime.

If girls are to be encouraged to play sport, even the unsporty ones, putting them in with boys is categorically not going to help.

My dcs x 3 are now at secondary school and their pe is single sex and rightly so.

OP - does your school let the three boys change with the girls as well? Do any of the other children in the school get to choose their preferred sports? If not, then why are those particular boys treated as special?

@growinggreyer unfortunately we can't guarantee that all teenage girls will be able to play sports 'skilfully and well'. Don't those girls deserve to be safe too? This is mandatory PE lesson, not a chosen extracurricular sports activity, remember.