She’s not a mother - she’s non binary [eye roll]

[tiktok]

Sorry - ridiculous and sad.

the-motherload.co.uk/ive-given-birth-but-i-am-not-my-childrens-mother-where-do-i-belong/?fbclid=IwAR311k--soiBMnxt72quS3VhWYQsiRp1DkLIx5gY_wLKSwIJ767lWI3sonY

How telling that they cite lockdown and rows around gender norms as the catalyst for identifying as non binary. If gender norms for women mean taking on the vast majority of mental load and additional child rearing perhaps we can understand why some may reject woman/motherhood.

Biased though I may be, I can’t help but feel that feminism has failed women like this and it is also the answer- we need to speak more about caring responsibilities and both their value to society and the need for men to step up.

I never went to any “mother’s groups” they were all baby groups really, with a mixture of mums, dads, grandparents and a few nannies/childminders. I quite enjoyed them, but maybe that was because I got a cuppa and a biscuit somewhere warm for 50p and if I was really lucky, a chat with an adult!

Her children should be taken away from her if she does not see herself as their mother.

Yes, it's meaningless shite. But I feel I must point out that we're apparently free to mock self absorbed narcissism in an article from an actual woman, but there is no way we'd be allowed to spend 155 posts being acerbic if the author was not of the sex that has the capability to bear children from their body.

Plenty of people have mothers who have no interesting in 'mothering' whatsoever. That doesn't mean they don't have mothers.

Interesting point @FloralBunting

I’m certainly more used to seeing threads peppered with deletions, maybe even zapped within the hour, when we discuss similar topics 🤔

'I haven’t found a single group dedicated to non-binary parents.'

So set one up then. Jesus.

Expecting other people to do work for you seems to be a running theme as well.

Oh great spot floral.

I predict non-binary is going to die a death before too many years have passed.

When people comment on "non-binary" on social media there's a different tone to discussing trans issues - people are much more inclined to mock it than to be angry about it. There's a feeling that it's just self indulgence, and straight kids trying to be cool. I've even seen comments from trans people being annoyed at NBs who say they're not dysphoric - essentially treating it like a fashion statement.

People can stand being hated more than they can stand being mocked.

"I'm not a mother - I'm a flubflub"

"Of course you are, dear."

Some great points.

Does anyone agree with me that we should feel some concern for this mother ‘s mental health?

@tiktok

Some great points.

Does anyone agree with me that we should feel some concern for this mother ‘s mental health?

Yes, very much.

@tiktok

Some great points.

Does anyone agree with me that we should feel some concern for this mother ‘s mental health?

Yes. I wonder though if she were to seek treatment whether it would focus on depression/dissociation or affirmation?

Well lockdown and the pandemic has certainly had negative affects on many people's mental health. I wouldn't doubt that a single mother of young children may well find herself having a crisis.

Honestly this is the fucking problem with the internet and the illusory connections of social media. People who really need to be helped in practical, real world ways end up consumed with overthinking and write blogs about it, counting clicks as engagement with other humans instead.

Please, everyone. Go outside for walks more, sit next to a few trees and breathe, chat to someone while you're queueing to get in the shop. I read this and yes, I thought it was indulgent nonsense, but it would have been fine if she hadn't needed to put it out there for others to consume. It's a private journal entry, and as such, it's no more ridiculous and navel gazey than anyone else's journal. The mistake is in offering it out, and with it, herself, for the approval of others.

No one else cares about your journal. That doesn't mean it's not worthwhile or meaningful to you. You just don't need to show it to anyone and have them either tear you down or praise you for it. Sheesh.

I don't actually know what she means/they mean by non-binary. I mean, I really don't know what they mean, and I'm grasping.

A friend of mine says she's non-binary. She's just had a kid, and a wonderful boy he is too. The weird thing is that his whole being on Facebook the way they present it is utterly gendered.
Obvs I dare not say anything: it would just be rude.

@Quaagars

Have read I see both sides I've been around reading long enough to know that you can be male (as in trans man) or non binary like here Valid Also if your body gives birth it is biologically female which makes you legally the baby's mother however you identify otherwise. (Totally would accept identity and pronouns though)

What does 'valid' actually mean? That we have to nod sagely and say 'yep, you're not a woman'?

Fucking hell-what complete and utter nonsense! Call me Boby my arse!

It’s odd that she says there’s no accepted way of being a mother. Because as far as I know there’s three accepted ways of being a mother that are common across most countries and cultures in the world and have been for hundreds if not thousands of years.

1. Biological - gestating and giving birth to a baby.

1. Social - a woman who parents a child - cares for them, brings them up, does whatever parents do in that society

1. Legal - being seen that as a child’s female parent in law.

Sometimes the one woman does all three, sometimes not. It’s not complicated.

“Metagender”?!! Whenever I see that word I think of Tumblr. This sounds like somebody who’s spent too long in certain areas of social media or, as others have said, has mental health problems.

And what’s with “Baby”? Surely she could have thought of a neutral type name or even just use her own name if she doesn’t want the title of “Mama”.

The comments are cutting - and rightly so IMO. It’s narcissism writ large. All that agonising about nothing. How does she think a non-binary parent group will be different? Surely they’ll talk about baby/child things too? Or maybe they’ll just talk about themselves and indulge in navel-gazing twaddle.

Oh god, it really comes across as 'I'm normal but want to be special'. Thi seems to be another downside of the whole TRA mess, people keep getting told they have a gender identity and some people finding that they don't think they need to pick a label.

I don't feel like l have a gender in my head and I don't feel the need to label that as anything.

Holy fucking cow.

Or should that be cxw.

Who are these people that won't/don't/can't accept that being a man or a woman can encompass many many ways to express one's identity?

I believe that transgender people exist, and I would say if you are, for example, a male parent or a transman, you are a dad. But if you are female and not a transman (though perhaps this is where the human in question is heading) then why not go with 'mum' when that's what your kids already call you? Is this person changing their first name also? Getting your children to call you an altogether new name must be so confusing for them.

I am nearly as confused. I think non-binary identities are the ones I understand least tbh.

I don't usually comment on this kind of issue.
But what a load of self indulgent, too much time on their hands pile of crap,

Not RTFT.

What a misogynistic pile of bullshit.

How very interesting. So many posts calling a non-binary person by her biological pronoun and not sn erased post in sight, but uf someone calls a transwoman by the male pronoun, the post is erased and you get a stern warning. Funny that. One might be tempted to conclude that the MN moderators are ... what ? Can't possibly misogynistic, can they?