Dd told off for skirt being 5cm above her knee..too distracting.

[Knowhowufeel2]

My almost 16yo dd was pulled aside by the headteacher this morning as it was deemed her skirt is too short.

She was told that it's indecent and distracting for male students/staff and is against school rules despite it being their own brand skirt. It's just 5cm above her knee and she wasn't rolling it up or anything. They've said she must buy another within 48hrs despite the fact buying another (which will be exactly the same) won't change where it comes to on my dd as they're all 1 standard length.

I've been told to expect a phone call to make sure we comply and a meeting if I disagree.

I'm not happy that a lot of this skirt rule comes about because it's deemed distracting to the male gaze.

Why should my dd be responsible for that?

Also, I don't actually consider it particularly short (5cm above her knee as I measured) and I'm not happy to spend £30 on another skirt that will be exactly the same length as the one she already has.

My dd is bright and hard working...her skirt length has no bearing on that.

The school seems more concerned about uniform than the fact that several of their teachers are not up to the job....eg, yesterday her geography teacher admitted that she didn't understand what she was teaching them and found it boring!!

Any ideas on how to approach this or am I being over sensitive?

This happened to me in a few years back in Sixth form. Was also told I was a "distraction". My dm went up the fucking wall with them. 'Twas never mentioned again

Your head would have a fit at ds school, girls wear skirts that just cover their knickers. As long as it is black, they can wear it. Now going to school in shoes with a label showing is a different matter. Thank god ds is in the sixth form & no uniform, from what I have seen of the girls he is friends with they are mainly wearing jeans or leggings, no short skirts. Maybe if all schools abandoned uniform more girls would go to school dressed like that. Is your head worried that male staff & pupils are going to be so turned on by 5cm of kneecaps they can't concentrate?

Have not received a single missive about the uniform from him though

I cant imagine what it must be like fir children to be constantly sent home becuase they are poor or their own body means they are somehow in violation of impossible rules.

How many threads do we see about kids with big feet or narrow feet who struggle to source shoes. Kids who are sporty so have muscles in their legs and get accused if wearing skinny trousers even if they are the same ones as everyone else. How many girls cant do the shirts up over their chest or can't have a belt but the smallest size trousers are too big round the waist. Kids who are too tall or too short for the uniform.

Growing up is hard enough without your pesky hips or thighs landing your detention for existing.

Pick your battles OP.
My advice would be to abide by uniform rules.

How is she not abiding by the uniform rules?
It's their skirt and is within the length they deem acceptable on paper (ie no shorter than 5cm).
I also had this when I was in school but oddly enough it was an all girl's school. We used the same arguments at the time (if the teachers are so distracted by my legs then they're in the wrong job).

OP, I would ask the school that they intend to do to ensure their uniform fits a wider range of body types. I would also ask for names of those who have been distracted by the sight of your DDs knee area and ask for them to be reported.

I know this is generalising, but I honestly find it's harder to have this battle with another female than a male. In my old job, we had a set uniform (grey dress) and I was repeatedly dragged into my female bosses office for wearing mine "too sexily". I'm a curvy woman with larger breasts, certainly not my fault the dress was form fitting. I did try going up a size and was told off for looking sloppy. Eventually I took it to my bosses boss who couldn't give a shit. If it fitted and covered the appropriate areas then that was that.

Clearly your daughter is at fault for being too tall.

I would not email tbh but request an urgent meeting and probably be very cross if it is an unaltered standard skirt. I would ask the school to direct you to the skirt you should buy.

I would also ask why they are concerned that staff members are unable to control themselves.

I wish I could say I found this shocking but it’s not the first time this kind of thing has happened. You should absolutely fight it and make a formal complaint about sexualising your daughter. Our school had a female head of year tell the girls they couldn’t wear spaghetti strap tops or anything that would show a bra strap. She said it wasn’t just Male teachers complaining. This is a girls school with no uniform. So I sent a heavily worded email of complaint and requested a phonecall, which I had and the new rule wasn’t enforced.

Don’t let them get away with this bullshit.

Ask for a meeting. Agree about the length of the skirt but then make clear your view about male gaze. Ask them what they do to make sure young women or homosexual/bisexual young men are not distracted by what boys wear.

They have to wear knee high socks with a skirt so there's only actually about 3-4 " of skin showing; most of which is her actual knees.

Since it has to be their skirt bought from their outlet and you've bought it in the size to fit your DD waist and hip size but its' TOO SHORT, here are my suggestions.

1. Undo the hem and press it down so she wears it with a ragged, raw edge or visible overlocking. Let them ask you to put the hem up again and secure their guarantee that they will then shit up about skirt .

1. Lengthen the skirt by adding a band of wildly inappropriate coloured fabric to achieve the required length - I'm thinking cartoon characters, neon stripes, polka dots etc. Nothing subtle. Proceed as 1.
2. Send her in a loooooong skirt of non uniform pattern, fabric and style, ideally different ones every day ( charity shop finds?)

Contact local and national press with gaudy skirt photos explaining that head has employed male staff she cannot trust to keep their minds on the job and not lust after and leer at young women who are just trying to learn.

Is DD bolshie enough for this? Her response to teacher suggests she might be!

@Antibles, she wears her skirt just below her waist as it should be; not hanging on her hips. It is from a proper school stockist as they're only allowed to wear skirts branded with the school's logo. They are £30-32 each depending on size.

Although she is quite tall, she hasn't grown taller for the last 2 years as she shot up early on in year 7/8 and this skirt was considered fine in Jan and February of this year.

She doesn't roll it and why should she have to wear trousers to keep herself covered?

What she wears has no impact on her ability to learn. That should be what's most important.

She's expected mostly 9s and some 8s and she works hard, even during lockdown she was self motivated and put in a full school day every school day, or longer if she hadn't finished her task.

They need to change the regulation skirt to one that comes in different lengths. The skirt for my dcs' school comes in three lengths and can be up to 15 cm above the knee, so not impossible for tall girls to comply like in your dd's school

I imagine given her shape she will have problems with getting a good fit with trousers too.
The head is female, but still sexist. If you follow the train if thought you arrive at well you wore a short skirt of course you would get raped.
Girls can feel empowered by what they wear, but is that why they wear short skirts or is it because as a society we see all these sexualised images and the girls assume this is what will make them sexy?
Our school does offer different length skirts so at least we have that option. The uniform supplier is at fault here, though of course the school made the contract. In the long term that does need addressing too to give better choice for conforming to the rules.
I wonder if the uniform rules of the boys are so strictly adhered too?

The male teachers and students definitely need some education incorporating into lessons and training. I like the link up thread you could use some of the wording from that.

Offer to give him the £30 and ask him to buy her a school skirt that is the right length.

Uniforms - s'funny how teachers don't have to wear them but the pupils are expected to.

There are plenty of jobs where people wear a uniform, why are teachers so fucking special?

Teachers - set an example and wear a uniform to show the kids what a smashing idea it is or stop being so fucking hypocritical.

Agree he asking him to put it in writing.
Then go nuclear.

@sallyshirt

Agree he asking him to put it in writing. Then go nuclear.

Sorry ask her (the headteacher)

I'm 26 now but had exactly the same experience at my catholic secondary school. Male teachers would often pull girls aside and measure their skirt lengths with rulers, and then tell us off for distracting boys with the way we'd chosen to dress.

I can still feel the humiliation of having a man in a position of authority placing a ruler on my thigh to measure my skirt length. It's actually made me shudder thinking back to that.

But then again, I moved to a different college for sixth form because the Head Teacher suggested that girls shouldn't take an A level in further maths (even though I was top of my year for maths at the time.)

We'll done for standing up for your daughter, I wish someone had stood up for me and my friends.

Looking forward to hear what the school have to say to you OP when you tackle them about it. Ludicrous behaviour and from a woman too, that part is the most disappointing of all

If the uniform skirt is 'distracting' then either the teacher is in the wrong job or the uniform is wrong.

Also are there no gay students or teachers? How come it distracts the males but not the lesbians in the school?

Your dd is attending in correct uniform, if the school wants anything else they should provide it.

We'd have been in big trouble for a skirt that short. Ours had to be just below the knee. It wasn't an issue though. Our parents were told when we joined the school that we had to agree to the uniform rules. It was a non issue, we all did.

If that’s the only allowed option that’s not on. Why should some girls be forced to wear a skirt that’s too short? I would not have been comfortable wearing that.

We had this at school when we were in the 6th form. We were told to be careful what we wore, to make sure it wasn't too revealing, because the male staff could be distracted.

That was in 1987. I thought it was fucking bad THEN.

Wow, my mum got this from the nuns in the SIXTIES. Shocked to hear this.

Antibles

OP has made it clear that the school skirt comes in one size. The child is extremely tall and slim. It is not therefore hard to understand that the skirt comes up short. I doubt the trousers fit any better. In any case, no girl should be forced to wear trousers just because they are tall and slim.

The problem is not the child, it is the school for choosing a uniform supplier that is discriminatory with regards to size/length differences.

In any case, the skirt is 5cm above the knee which the OP has stated in acceptable by the school's own rules. So the school is again in the wrong for deciding that tall, slim girls can not have a skirt 5cm above the knee.

How is this acceptable to you?