Dd told off for skirt being 5cm above her knee..too distracting.

[Knowhowufeel2]

My almost 16yo dd was pulled aside by the headteacher this morning as it was deemed her skirt is too short.

She was told that it's indecent and distracting for male students/staff and is against school rules despite it being their own brand skirt. It's just 5cm above her knee and she wasn't rolling it up or anything. They've said she must buy another within 48hrs despite the fact buying another (which will be exactly the same) won't change where it comes to on my dd as they're all 1 standard length.

I've been told to expect a phone call to make sure we comply and a meeting if I disagree.

I'm not happy that a lot of this skirt rule comes about because it's deemed distracting to the male gaze.

Why should my dd be responsible for that?

Also, I don't actually consider it particularly short (5cm above her knee as I measured) and I'm not happy to spend £30 on another skirt that will be exactly the same length as the one she already has.

My dd is bright and hard working...her skirt length has no bearing on that.

The school seems more concerned about uniform than the fact that several of their teachers are not up to the job....eg, yesterday her geography teacher admitted that she didn't understand what she was teaching them and found it boring!!

Any ideas on how to approach this or am I being over sensitive?

If the teachers are distracted by 5cm of knee then they shouldn't be teachers.

What is she supposed to do when its their own sodding suppliers skirt?

Take a chainsaw and chop her legs off,?

Ffs

ask them to put it in writing and their solutions to your child being too tall for their school uniform

^ this

If the uniform policy stated a certain length then that's the rules

Its their skirt..

Did the head teacher really say distracting for the staff? Now that is a new one! That is pathetic and disgusting.
Same problem with mine (minus the staff issue....), they are also very peculiar on the type of skirt. They cannot wear tight figure hugging ones. My daughter always wears shorts under her skirt, and she does not like pleated skirts as they can lift up with wind, school bag, and so on... she can no longer wear skorts in summer/ warm weather because they wil be too short.
We have bought plenty of trousers for this year. And they are picky with those too!
Have a chat with them regarding where you bought it, if you can get same size longer maybe? Measure the skirt again.
My daughter is tall for her age, which does not sit well with skirts.....

If you would like a solution to the problem, it is to get 2 skirts so the material matches and have a seamstress make one properly fitting skirt. You could get a quote and tell the school how much it is, because it is their responsibility to supply the skirt.

I don't think the male gaze is relevant. The school rules, however, are relevant. With secondaries, you either agree to their rules or go elsewhere.

I would bet my house on it that some of the female teachers skirts are exactly the same length as your daughter's or even shorter!
Who complains about that?

The male gaze is relevant if that is why the school has a policy on skirt length and this is what was communicated verbally. It's horrible sexism. Just before my daughter started our local secondary a male teacher was charged with having sex with a female 16 year old. He had groomed her for two years. Before her he had done the same with another girl waiting until 16 to have sex with them. Also dodgy photos on his laptop. Is the school saying this is what they want to avoid?

My daughter's skirt has to be a palm high. But how do they measure that? Whose hand? Hers? A teacher?
You could contact Safe Schools Alliance. They also have a resource on sexism in secondary schools that you can send the school. Personally I think it's a massive safeguarding issue and it should be reported to Ofsted. You can report to Ofsted at any point in the year.
safeschoolsallianceuk.net/resources-2/factsheets/

Ffs cannot believe here we are in 2020 and still girls are being taught that controlling male behaviour is their responsibility. I fucking despair, I really do.
My DD is very tall and will have this issue in a few years time if her secondary school have rules like this. I absolutely will not stand for her being made to feel ashamed of herself.

I can scarcely believe this is being said in 2020.

Your DD goes to school to learn, as do her classmates of both sexes; her teachers go there to teach.

Ask the head how many teachers he has hired that he now realises he can't trust around teenage girls, and what is being done to safeguard the students!

Tell him his male staff and students need to be instructed keep their eyes modestly down and stop objectifying the young women.

I suspect he is the problem.

Eurgh, this is pathetic.
I can’t fucking stand this crap, it’s not a girl’s responsibility to not distract the poor hapless menfolk.

ask them to put it in writing and their solutions to your child being too tall for their school uniform
I also agree with this, 100%

Sorry, got distracted with something else...the headteacher is actually female and it was her that made the comment re distracting males within the school.

My dd did actually say to the teacher that maybe their time would be better spent educating the boys to 'control themselves', not expecting the girls to change their clothes to suit.

Sorry, got distracted with something else... not a short skirt I hope OP

Last time I looked we weren't living in some Islamic republic which dictated what women wear to avoid men being distracted. I'd be interested to know what they expect her to wear if she's already wearing formal uniform.

I've since had an email asking me to make sure she is in the correct uniform tomorrow and if I require support to ensure my dd can attain her fullest potential at school....apparently the length of her skirt/uniform is crucial to this 🙄

ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RIP THEM A NEW ONE OVER SEXUALISING YOUR DAUGHTER

Oh for goodness sake. Teen boys look at Teen girls. Always have done always will. The dress code is pretty clear and 5cm is not a small amount above the knee.

Madness! Why on earth would they design a skirt, sell it, then say it's not suitable??

If you get a call ask them to confirm in writing that the male staff are having sexual thoughts about your daughter. Then tell them that once you have that in writing you will consider your next course of action.

The mention of teachers looking was especially grim. Not her fault she’s tall and / or got long legs. I too have long legs, so she has my sympathy. I never knew skirt relative length, correlated to academic achievement . Confusing as an acquaintance at school wore a mini skirt and went to Oxford

Totally grim and omit is about time women and girls were not judged by the length of their hem line.

Not an over reaction at all.

Sounds like the Head was on a power trip.

This just leads to women and girls being objectified and victimised. Absolutely shocking and what a great welcome back to school after six months?

Afaik, the comment made was 'distracting male students and staff', but I'll clarify that with my dd tomorrow.
Whether that was meant as in distracting all staff as they then have to deal with the issue rather than teach, or was just refering to male staff, I'm not entirely sure.

I measured her skirt earlier and will take a photo showing it to be 5cm for my email, which is actually allowed within their own guidelines (no shorter than 5cm above knee).

My dd is hard working, conscientious, well behaved and polite...it shouldn't actually matter what she wears as long as she is performing well.

They only have 1 length of skirt available and the only other option is trousers which she doesn't really like wearing, especially when the weather is warm.

I think they should focus more on the quality of teachers and the education they're providing before they waste time policing uniform. I accept that that is a different issue though.

So fed up with this argument.

If your daughter has such outsize femurs that the standard skirt is too short for regulation:

1. she has to wear the trousers. So what if she 'doesn't really like' trousers? It's uniform. Who actually has that much of a problem with trousers? Christ, we campaigned to be able to wear trousers at school in my day.

2. Lobby the school to sort a proper stockist. Skirts come in waist/length with plenty of scope.

3. Buy looser on the waist. They hang down a bit more.

But let's be honest. Short school skirts are the fashion. Many girls want to wear them, proven by the fact they roll them up on purpose - often once out of parental eyesight. Girls get their parents to buy the tiniest length possible relative to the waist size. I have a tall daughter and it was quite possible to buy a knee length skirt for her but so many girls asked her why she wore her skirts "so long"!

Short skirts are colder and restrict movement because if the girls so much as bend over by an inch their pants are on display - which just isn't necessary. They tug on them to pull them down twenty times an hour which shows what a poor practical choice they are. This is hardly feminist. But they can show off their legs! I don't actually care if they want to but I'm tired of people being disingenuous about it: of course some teen girls want to be sexually attractive to teen boys.

If the only skirts people can buy are above knee, that is a demand-led situation. It's hardly rocket science for a manufacturer to make a knee length skirt for a tall girl but they won't bother if nobody buys them.

It's also interesting how the girls' schools round my way tend to be able to manage this quite capably. No boys, no battle?

@Knowhowufeel2

I've since had an email asking me to make sure she is in the correct uniform tomorrow and if I require support to ensure my dd can attain her fullest potential at school....apparently the length of her skirt/uniform is crucial to this 🙄

Sorry to hear that happened. As if skirt length is the least bit important in the world right now. Well done your daughter for standing up for herself! I'd have lost my shit at the teacher at your daughter's age, I was full on raging about sexism at the time.

I would probably put my daughter into a regulation length skirt bought elsewhere and tell the school they can have her wear their skirt and accept where it sits on her, your skirt and accept it doesn't match or offer a free alteration service to accommodate the actual sizes of the girls they expect to wear their skirts.

And then I would raise the sexism of calling girls showing an inch or two of unsanctioned skin a distraction to boys (and possibly staff). That's neither the girls' fault nor their responsibility.

Slightly OTT, but for seven years my DCs had a headteacher who was beyond obsessed with the school uniform. He abolished the much beloved and vastly preferred colour option when he started, despite the kids brilliantly organising a very civilised objection complete with over 700 signatures from pupils.

We then received weekly whiny letters about minor uniform infractions. And got threatened with kids being sent home to get changed. And nothing else mattered.

(A particularly idiotic move, given that our school's catchment area includes some of the poorest areas regionally and it's a common sight for kids moving here from other schools to continue to wear their old school's uniforms until their parents can afford to buy a new one).

In the meantime, the school went to hell in a handcart. School discipline got so bad, the school went from best respected in town to all of its pupils being banned from several local shops, entire neighbourhoods bordering the school starting initiatives to tackle pupil vandalism, every drug known today available to buy and pupils openly assaulting a teacher in the hallway.

So now, whenever I hear about headteachers obsessing about uniforms like this, I fully expect the worst.

P.S. the dude's own kids flaunted the uniform rules massively. Did not give a fuck. Probably should have been a warning sign of his inadequacy as a head.

P.S.S. School has had a new head for two years. Complete tyrant. Flawed, yes, but he turned around the discipline problems within a year or two. Have not received a single missive about the uniform from him though.