Why are we meant to respect sex workers?

[FlamedToACrisp]

OK, I appreciate I came to the feminism party late. You lot are all on your fourth drinks and the buffet table is half-empty, but I'm still trying to edge my way into the conversation and make sense of it all. So please don't do the sneering 'educate yourself' thing - if you don't want to talk to me about this subject, I'll just go and sit in the kitchen and talk to the dog.

Anyway:

Over recent years (at my age, anything after 1990 feels recent), the term 'prostitute' has become 'sex worker.' And with it, the attitude to prostitutes has changed. I was brought up to regard them as either mercenary law-breakers or nympho sinner sluts encouraging married men to be unfaithful, but now I'm supposed to feel they're just women (or men) choosing this way to make their living and we shouldn't be judgemental.

I haven't looked into this issue; lucky me, it has not impinged much on my life, although obviously I'm aware there are sex trafficking considerations. Have I got it right or misunderstood? What's the cause of this change?

So, is prostitution now socially ok? And if so, why is 'prostitute' an unacceptable term?

What the police woman said was really interesting and it was this “sex workers help some marriages because if a man can relieve himself and be less stressed then domestic violence isn’t as prevalent in the lives of marriages where DV happens”, and she will know more than anyone here what she is taking about

That is so shocking. So many things wrong with that.

I got picked in the sauna lots but I rarely got second bookings as I absolutely loathed it and all the older creepy men choose the women that are far too young for them, whilst younger guys tended to choose the ‘milf’ types, and the older ladies hated going with men young enough to be their sons

You loathed having to sleep with these creepy men and yet you are nostalgic for the brothel and the wonderful money you made time you had.

The thing with voluntary prostitution is it normalises it so people don't care about the all the unwilling, vulnerable and trafficked women. "Well, Belle at Brothel likes it and tells me how empowered she is so I can ignore the fact that Sally on the street corner is covered in track marks and doesn't speak to me".

Fwiw the one "sex worker" I know is very much in the school of "I'm so empowered", but she only does it when she needs money. So I guess it's only empowering when you're poor?

If an adult woman chooses to be a sex worker that is one thing. But the average age of entry into prostitution in the UK is 14 (stats from a few years ago, maybe has changed - hopefully has). Then there are the trafficked slaves. So when we talk about prostitution I think we need to be clear what we are talking about, because those are very different experiences.

What troubles me is when the first category of women talk as though their experience is the only or main one. It's what people want to hear - the happy hooker, making a load of money and being perfectly well adjusted about it all. Yes that is some women's experience but it is also the only thing people ever want to say or hear about prostitution and the fact is that this is no fucking help at all to a 14 year old girl whose 'boyfriend' starts pimping her out.

All these women and girls deserve respect. I have no respect for the punters, who in many cases are well aware that they are raping an underage girl or a trafficked woman. And there is zero evidence to suggest that this stops them being abusive dickheads to other women. Even if there was such evidence, why should one group of women and girls be seen as the legitimate target for sex criminals and abusers so that the rest of us 'respectable' women can be safe?

@DidoLamenting for god sake give it up about the slut comment, I have explained time and time again why I said it, had it not been mentioned previously then I wouldn’t have said it.

Sure you just don’t have an issue with me because I was a sex worker? Maybe your hubby cheated with one and your taking it out on me, who knows but out of all I said about sex work then you pick up on an irrelevant thing.

Yawn.

@DidoLamenting too refined?! Not one sex worker likes to be called a prostitute, it’s a horrible word, I still know I was one but the word isn’t right, and seen as you aren’t one, and have never been one then you wouldn’t know this, some things in life cannot be judged unless your in a position to and your not, you just pick up on irrelevant things I’ve said because you have nothing else.

Give it up!

Why do sex workers like yourself, inappropriate, stop doing it? If the money is fab and the work easy and there's a market for women of every age and size... Why stop?

@queenofknives there is deffo no such thing as a happy hooker, we were happy with the money and the freedom of time that the money allowed but we all loathed the job, this is why I am not keen on that SAAFE website because I fear many of them are lying about ‘loving their job’ it’s funny how in real life I’ve met so many escorts that loathed their job yet on that site many of them seem to love it , I get the feeling that some of them think their punters are reading that site and so they pretend to like it, if you like having sex with strangers that your not attracted to then something is amiss in your brain.

@HoneysuckIejasmine because I was desperately unhappy and my self esteem was on the floor, I was depressed and angry all the time and I have a brain and wanted out because really, as much as I say I hate men, then I do eventually want a partner to settle down with and I can’t work and have a partner. I have worked and had a partner but there is something highly dysfunctional about that, I want to make money because I have a brain, not because I’m good at blowjobs!

@HoneysuckIejasmine plus it took me years to come to this realisation but money really ain’t everything, my mental health and self worth are far more important and I was angry all the time, when I started fantasising about killing my clients then I knew it was time to get out...

Thank you for your honesty. That's heartbreaking and exactly why I can't support it - for every apparently "Happy Hooker" there are trafficked women and breaking women left by the wayside.

They are providing a service that arguably prevents a lot of sexually induced crimes.
how so? Prostitution IS a sexually induced crime, surely? That sounds like the police woman was rather confused.

@Badabingbadabum

I think you can disagree with what they do but still respect sex workers as they are humans. Respect is just somethi g that should always be there

Respect can also be lost.

@HoneysuckIejasmine thanks but please don’t pity me as I hate that, I could’ve gotten a normal job so it really was a choice and the worst thing is this: I have spent every penny I made on absolute crap and I was better with money when I had a bar job that paid £4.50 per hour back in 2004, it’s like you have that “I can always make the money tomorrow mentality”, it’s like it was dirty money.

Women I was friends with never trusted me with their men, as if I slept with people I knew for money, I know some women that don’t care if the man is a man of their friend but thankfully, most of us aren’t like that.

@Itisbetter if you look at the link I sent then you will see that a percentage of men would rape a woman if they could get away with it and if sex workers weren’t available so I think there is truth to it, plus the woman from the polices serious crimes squad thought so too.

@Inappropriatefemale it's interesting you say that some of the experiences on websites like SAAFE don't ring true for you. I'm a marketer, and if I was working on a recruitment type website the first thing I'd say to my client would be 'let's have case studies of people who love doing this job.'

I think we all underestimate how well organised Commercial Sexual Exploitation is, it's a massive, billion dollar 'business' and guess what, it has a marketing budget.

@Inappropriatefemale rape is about having power over another woman, not about male orgasm or pleasure.
Rapists rape because they can, not because they must.

And @Inappropriatefemale that Record article you linked to also says that men who buy sex are more likely to rape, not less.

The article said that 10% of men would
Rape if they could and I’ve heard men in the sauna say that if these places didn’t exist then they would rape a woman! They said things that were horrible constantly to us because they have little or zero respect for us.

I’m only reiterating too what the policewoman said.

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett yes I know what your saying but don’t you find it odd that out of all the 100s of hookers I’ve met IRL can’t stand their job yet on SAAFE they all love being poked and prodded from men they don’t fancy? Not buying it.

@Inappropriatefemale

The article said that 10% of men would Rape if they could and I’ve heard men in the sauna say that if these places didn’t exist then they would rape a woman! They said things that were horrible constantly to us because they have little or zero respect for us.

I’m only reiterating too what the policewoman said.

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett yes I know what your saying but don’t you find it odd that out of all the 100s of hookers I’ve met IRL can’t stand their job yet on SAAFE they all love being poked and prodded from men they don’t fancy? Not buying it.

Plus paying for sex is a form of control like a rapist and so many of them would come into sauna and choose girls that looked dead behind the eyes simply because they could and that they knew the girl needed the cash, that to me IS the mentality of a rapist, some men I would tell “please don’t pick me again”, and yet they would over and over, again that is control just like a rapist.

Sauna clients are bastards, the majority of them whilst guys that go with AW girls are far more normal and so much more respectful to us.

If prostitution is such a wonderful career, why do prostitutes have higher levels of post traumatic stress disorder than combat veterans? Why do 85% of them want to leave their “profession”? How do you square your wokey enthusiasm for the job with the high levels of drug addiction, trafficking, violent assault, abuse and murder of prostitutes?
And finally- would you recommend it as a career option to your daughter?

I think we're making the same point in different ways @Inappropriatefemale. Paid for rape is no different to rape in my eyes, those men were raping you. The only difference is that society and the law views paid-for rape differently.

And I don't buy a word of the happy hooker narrative.

OP, I think you would be getting fewer annoyed replies if you'd worded your post differently.

Discussing the rise of the use of the term 'sex worker' is a useful feminist exercise, as is trying to understand society's changing attitude to prostitution and the impact of that on women.

But asking why you should respect a particular group of women, on the feminist board, does sound a bit goady. Were you more thinking along the lines of why does prostitution seem to be more socially acceptable than in the past?

Regarding someone referring to prettifying job titles, it happens all the time! My local council has been advertising for cleansing operatives and herbicide applicators (street sweepers and weed killer squirters). It's not a phenomenon particular to prostitution.

DidoLamentingtoo refined?! Not one sex worker likes to be called a prostitute, it’s a horrible word

"Prostitute is the dictionary definition of how you earn your money -a person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment

If you don't want to be called a prostitute I suggest you find another job. You haven't given any coherent explanation why I should call you a "sex worker" .

My local council has been advertising for cleansing operatives and herbicide applicators (street sweepers and weed killer squirters). It's not a phenomenon particular to prostitution

The examples you give are not remotely comparable. "Weed killer squirters" isn't even a proper term. As for street sweeper it's out of date and Dickensian.

Prostitute is the accurate word to describe some one who sells sex.

@stumbledin More recently some woke liberals have tried to say prostitution (which they attempt to disguise by calling is sex work) is a"choice". But this choice somehow is not one that men make. Do you really think there aren't male prostitutes?