Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

"She looks like a right tramp"

245 replies

Moranne · 09/08/2020 10:32

On our local FB group (I know!) somebody has shared a video of a couple dealing drugs outside his front garden. She appears to be weighing out a quantity.
There's been a lot of discussion about logging it with the police, how they're a well-known problem around the area etc. And then somebody has just said, ""She looks like a right tramp".

I'm so frustrated with this comment, the subtext and the message it sends. I want to respond calmly, I don't want to let it go unaddressed, but I can't find the words.

How do you think I should respond?

OP posts:
DidoLamenting · 09/08/2020 10:48

It's a sexist comment but hardly the main issue here.

BaronEssoStation · 09/08/2020 10:51

Did a woman say that?

queenofknives · 09/08/2020 11:21

Sometimes a good tactic is simply to ask for more clarification, as in, what do you mean by that? They are likely to expose the subtext and message themselves.

NearlyGranny · 09/08/2020 11:28

I'd be inclined to ask, "What would the appropriate 'look' be for someone dealing, in your experience?"

Original poster
Moranne · 09/08/2020 12:39

It's a sexist comment but hardly the main issue here.

Well quite. Out of all the social issues, the attractiveness of this woman to this (male) neighbour is what he chose to comment on.

Thanks @queenofknives I’ll give that a go.

OP posts:
queenofknives · 09/08/2020 12:42

Good luck. Let us know how it goes!

DidoLamenting · 09/08/2020 15:37

It's a sexist comment but hardly the main issue here

Well quite. Out of all the social issues, the attractiveness of this woman to this (male) neighbour is what he chose to comment on

Er, I'm afraid you've got completely the wrong end of the stick.

My comment was addressed to you- not the person who made the derogatory comment.

I'm afraid the fact someone made a derogatory , sexist comment about a female drug dealer openly dealing would not even feature in my consideration of what to do about this problem in my neighbourhood.

DidoLamenting · 09/08/2020 15:42

To be honest I find the responses on here bizarre. I can't work up a head of steam because someone was a bit sexist about a drug dealer openly dealing. What a non point in the context of the actual incident.

Singasonga · 09/08/2020 15:44

I can relate to your puzzlement, OP. Of all things to focus on, your neighbour chose the drug dealer's sex appeal? Creepy.

Original poster
Moranne · 09/08/2020 15:45

Good luck. Let us know how it goes!

"I mean that she's a slut, but a slut that is disguised as a lady".

OP posts:
Original poster
Moranne · 09/08/2020 15:45

So that went well(!).

OP posts:
WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 09/08/2020 15:49

Tramp is also a synonym for homeless or vagrant, it may not have been meant sexually.

Original poster
Moranne · 09/08/2020 15:54
Confused
OP posts:
DidoLamenting · 09/08/2020 15:59

I can relate to your puzzlement, OP. Of all things to focus on, your neighbour chose the drug dealer's sex appeal? Creepy

I'm equally puzzled at why in relation to the criminal and antisocial behaviour of this woman the OP thinks this is more important than considering how best to deal with the criminal and antisocial behaviour.

Goosefoot · 09/08/2020 16:09

It's not what I'd cal eloquent of PC language, but I have a pretty keen sense of what this person means, based on the clarification.

Original poster
Moranne · 09/08/2020 16:13

It's not what I'd cal eloquent of PC language, but I have a pretty keen sense of what this person means, based on the clarification.

Yep, he could have commented on the male's aggression, or the couple's drug-dealing but he chose instead to comment on his perception of her sexual behaviour and availability to him. I wonder why and I wonder at how this insidious drip-drip-drip affects readers.

Anyway, the comments are gone now.

OP posts:
WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 09/08/2020 16:14

I've used it to refer to the male and female drug dealers who have destroyed the area I live in. It isn't a sexist comment, its observation.

Grubby white tracksuit, usually grubbier around the crotch area, waxy, pasty skin, few chains and a vest....... I find the women quite amusing as they try and dress like they haven't got a sackful of heroin in their bag but they stand out a mile. Both sets are guilty of trampy behaviour.

I know all this because they've decided to set up shop outside some garages opposite my house........ Believe me when your house has gone down in value and you have to weed through a scene that resembles dawn of the dead when a drop offs due just becuase you want a pint of milk from the corner shop you won't give a stuff what people are calling them........ Just like they won't care about the fact that you're oh so achingly defended on their behalf!

Goosefoot · 09/08/2020 16:17

@Moranne

It's not what I'd cal eloquent of PC language, but I have a pretty keen sense of what this person means, based on the clarification.

Yep, he could have commented on the male's aggression, or the couple's drug-dealing but he chose instead to comment on his perception of her sexual behaviour and availability to him. I wonder why and I wonder at how this insidious drip-drip-drip affects readers.

Anyway, the comments are gone now.

I would not have interpreted it as being mainly about sexual behaviour, although I'd expect that would be included within the description.
Original poster
Moranne · 09/08/2020 16:17

I'm not defending their behaviour. I'm just sick of the constant misogyny and double-standards applied to women.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moranne · 09/08/2020 16:18

So you believe that when he says "slut" it's not a comment on her sexual behaviour but her slovenly house-keeping standards?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/08/2020 16:20

@DidoLamenting

To be honest I find the responses on here bizarre. I can't work up a head of steam because someone was a bit sexist about a drug dealer openly dealing. What a non point in the context of the actual incident.
I think it's illuminating. If people only restrain sexist language about nice women, and let it spew out about women who aren't nice, it was always there, they were just hiding it. You see similar with female politicians, JKR and others. As soon as the expectation of niceties disappears, the flood of sexist, misogynist language comes out. And normally with a sense of glee that is quite unpalatable.
Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 09/08/2020 16:21

Why do you care what a drug dealing problematic woman is called? She's a drug dealer. No insult is out of line.

katy1213 · 09/08/2020 16:26

Misogynistic treatment of drug dealers - oh, that keeps me awake at night!

queenofknives · 09/08/2020 16:34

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

Why do you care what a drug dealing problematic woman is called? She's a drug dealer. No insult is out of line.
Right, so would you say the same if she was a black woman and the person made a racist comment about her?

The thing is, it's about principles. If we say that misogyny and racism and homophobia are not okay then that has to be in every circumstance and apply to everyone. Otherwise we are saying that it's okay to be racist/misogynistic/homophobic when we don't like the person and you get to decide whether that person 'deserves' the insult or not.

Yeah, can't see how that could go wrong.

queenofknives · 09/08/2020 16:35

@Moranne

Good luck. Let us know how it goes!

"I mean that she's a slut, but a slut that is disguised as a lady".

Well, he exposed himself as a misogynist and anyone with a brain will have clocked that. Well done for challenging him.