Showing that feminists don't all hate heterosexual male sexuality

[IronPyrites]

OK so I am talking about consensual adult sexuality only.

I think there is a feeling, imo an incorrect one, but still a feeling, among many straight men that feminism wants to impose celibacy on all straight men, and hates and derides any expression of male sexuality.
Now, while I think this is unfounded, I wonder sometimes if there is any mileage in perhaps showing some compassion for the difficulties that many straight men encounter in their personal lives in general, and perhaps even that the pain of sexual or romantic frustration is no less real (and perhaps heightened by societal expectations of the straight male stud) for this group of people than anyone else. I have nothing but contempt for the so-called incels who clearly despise and feel entitled to women, and for men who express disdain for and behave badly to women in other ways, but I do think it may do some good to counter the message that you sometimes hear that feminism is anti-men, and showing that there is probably a societal bias against and fear of male sexuality in general. I hope you understand what I mean.

Yes, I hope you feel better soon, OP. Loneliness is no fun. You seem thoughtful, and it's brave to have come back and apologised. Wishing you well.

Tinsel, if your feet are extremely smelly it's probably a fungal thing. Which can be a bugger to get rid of, and tbh I suspect is at least partly to do with gut flora. In the meantime, I'd try the mycil footpowders.

Hang in there OP - and do stick around. If you have the self insight and courage to apologise like that (and the bravery to post something like your first post on the FWR), I think there is a lot of hope for you .

And this thread was a hilarious read this morning. I loved the replies

Tinsel, if your feet are extremely smelly it's probably a fungal thing. Which can be a bugger to get rid of, and tbh I suspect is at least partly to do with gut flora. In the meantime, I'd try the mycil footpowders.

Fuck off I haven't got fungal feet! Birkenstock's being a bit smelly is a thing!

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt ...

Errol. I had toe socks as a present in about 1975.They felt a bit weird tbh.
Back to the men and getting laid thing. Was only explaining to DH recently, when he plainly hadn't listened to something I'd said, one of the most successful blokes I know with women... No looker, but really listens when women are talking. No mansplaining. Gets a lot of sex (that he doesn't talk about) and regularly appears to be punching well above his weight physically. He should run courses maybe? 😉

Rum punch ain't just a cocktail 😘

@TinselAngel

Tinsel, if your feet are extremely smelly it's probably a fungal thing. Which can be a bugger to get rid of, and tbh I suspect is at least partly to do with gut flora. In the meantime, I'd try the mycil footpowders.

Fuck off I haven't got fungal feet! Birkenstock's being a bit smelly is a thing!

I used to spritz them with 99% alcohol. My feet rarely ever smelled but for reasons of being made of leather my berkies often did.

Okay, I take it back! It's not your fragrant feet, Tinsel! I'm a bit scared to suggest it because I think someone might report my post, but have you tried (cotton) socks with them?

Now you've made me tell you to fuck off twice in one evening Scrimp, I'm more disappointed than angry.

I think "fearing" or as you put it "hating" male sexuality is a good thing because as women, we have plenty to fear when it comes to men. We live in a world where at any moment a member of the opposite sex could snap and rape/kill women and children. Yes, it doesn't apply to all men but it's still a possibility that we have to consider because when anything does happen to us we get blamed for it because men "can't control themselves" and they keep saying this. Take a look at Reddit and their rape subs and you'll know what I'm talking about.

I grew up watching made for TV movies. The movies I watched were based on true stories. They were usually about how a man can seem so normal and even be very handsome, but he would turn out to be a rapist/domestic abuser or a serial killer. Basically the premise of those movies was "you never know what goes on behind closed doors". I watched one recently called "The Stranger Beside Me" which was made in 1995. A very chilling film.

Disney movies try to portray men as Prince Charming who wants to save the woman he's in love with. That's not realistic. The low budget TV movies have way more realism in them than a Hollywood's blockbuster could ever dream of.

Thanks for earlier posts, both excoriating and later warmer ones. I deserved the former and I'm grateful for the latter. I posted subconsciously hoping for a warm glow when the inevitable (or so I thought) reassuring posts of "oh no, male sexuality is wonderful and you're right, men have it hard too" came. I genuinely got quite a shock when the opposite happened and I was called out for what I had written. And then the stuff about foot issues. The truth is, I'm a fraud and I write stuff here where really I've no business being, to try to get some of the emotions or positive feedback I'm missing in real life and because I don't know where else to turn.
What is perhaps worse of all is I'm not unaware of the incredible injustices and hatred and violence and fear and prejudice women face every day from men. If it is any consolation or insight (not that it's any excuse) I think many men (not the decent ones which it sounds like many of you have in your lives) are utterly utterly terrified of being challenged and found wanting, found to be inadequate, imperfect. As women push back the frontiers against the odds, In afraid this fear will get even stronger and some of the excrescences will get worse. I wish they wouldn't but fear they will. And the on one day perhaps, they will get better and even arseholes like me will be at least bearable. Sorry.

Okay... But you do realise this is not our circus 🤹‍♂️ and not our 🙊 monkeys? Because I am hearing the suggestion that the circus belongs to women. And that makes me both sad and

Therapy, OP.

I don't say that flippantly.

If that's not accessible, try a podcast I really like, called This Jungian Life. Helps with perspective. Is very affirming of our common human experiences and struggles.

Smelly shoes - I can help. Take your feet out first. Put in a plastic bag and put them in the freezer and freeze for a couple of days. Kills the smelly fungi. Works also for books which have got damp and smelly.

I hope you'll stick around, IronPyrites, as it seems you've discovered the feedback and cyber-friendships on the Mumsnet feminism forum are among the very best to be found on the internet.

@NewNameNewShoes

Not read the whole thread (just got in from work) but one thing I struggle with is that I observe that amongst the men I know, it seems to be the ones who display toxic masculinity that are by far the most popular with women. The ones who are assertive, competitive etc. Basically the ones who spend a lot of time in the gym, drive fast cars, and want to be 'the alpha male'. It certainly gives me mixed messages.

It it you Midnight Misogynist in a new sock?

We're clearly soldiers in petticoats
And dauntless crusaders for woman's votes
Though we adore men individually
We agree that as a group they're rather stupid

It it you Midnight Misogynist in a new sock?

If you're asking if I'm a troll the answer's no. Surely you see at least some truth in what I'm saying. For instance, I recently read a survey where US women voted on what vehicle was most attractive fit a man to drive. Pick up truck (ultimate epitomy of machismo) was first by a fair margin, followed by sports cars. Not trying to be 'that guy'. I agree with a lot of the views on here, especially on the gc side of things, but I struggle with toxic masculinity as it seems that in the real world women's reaction to it is often different.

The reasons given for the pick up truck thing was that it showed that a man was 'practical' and also that he wasn't tight with money as he chose to drive a vehicle that was expensive to run.

Tom Hardy is well fit tho, tbf.

Feminists don't waste much time on surveys of 'which car do hot men drive'.

What a weird survey.

I've never even heard of Tom Hardy.

Apologies if it looked like I was trying to be goady. One thing I struggle on with my fairly basic understanding of feminist theory is the diverse nature of it. Of course, one wouldn't expect all feminists to agree, and some strands of feminism (e.g. liberal vs radical) seem to be almost opposites of each other in regard to some areas.

But what I frequently find confusing is that 'the feminist viewpoint' is sometimes used to describe a specific view that is separate from the mainstream view held by many women, whilst other times it's almost implied that feminism is representing women as a unified class.