Please help me with text to DIL

[StrangeTimes]

My son has previously bitten my head off when I mention the rights of women and the rights of trans women. I’ve only spoken gently about it, but he’s soooo woke it’s a definite conversation stopper.

I’ve never mentioned it to my DIL specifically but she is a crazy Harry Potter fan and self proclaimed feminist. Last night I thought “Fuck it” and text her how proud I was of JK Rowling and she was my favourite person in the world right now.

She has replied “Why?”

I don’t want to mess this up, if I can make her understand then maybe she can get through to my son.

Any tips?

“Because JKR knows the truth and said so. Have you read her full statement?”

It would be best to not communicate by text about things that are important to you. Too much scope for wilful misunderstanding.. If your son is woker than woke I suspect there will be little to be gained by attempting to engage

I assume she’d just reply “The truth about what?”

Yes am not going to delve into too much detail as it may get misconstrued, and as for my son! No way am I giving up on him!!

I’d leave it if I were you.

You sound like a nightmare, why are you imposing your views in your poor DIL who obviously doesn't have the foggiest what you're on about? Leave her alone.

I'd back away from doing this by text. It also seems passive- aggressive against your son (probably not meant that way but it'll be seen like that).
Just respond something like "oh she made a statement standing up against sexism and homophobia" and leave it until an opportunity comes to discuss in person.

I can't see this ending well. I would leave it

“Because JK appears to take a measured view and argues for the protection of both trans women and biological women. Sometimes when trying to protect vulnerable trans women (which is key), we forget how vulnerable biological women are, both in the poorest part of our community and all over the world. It is scary to take a measured approach in a world of headlines and JK tried to start that debate”

I would go full out on emotion and the protection of vulnerable biological women who cannot the protect themselves... and keep emphasising that the poor vulnerable trans women also need protection.

Start slow, heavy on emotion and love for all and build it up...?

Yes, please don’t. If you want to have a conversation about it, do so face to face. By text is not the way to do it.

Definitely leave it. Unless she has been living under a stone for the past couple of weeks she must know what’s going on, her ‘why?’ Is probably to force you to state your views.
Just you have your opinion and let them have theirs. It’s not the kind of subject where you can make someone change their mind easily.

She will probably know about JKR stance and it sounds like she doesn’t agree with it. I wouldn’t have started the conversation with her the way you did. If you want to try and change someone views then a soft drip feed would be better if the issues rather than saying a person is amazing. I think all you can reply is she is brave for standing up for what she believes in the face of backlash
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My son has previously bitten my head off when I mention the rights of women and the rights of trans women. I’ve only spoken gently about it, but he’s soooo woke it’s a definite conversation stopper.

Well if he is happy to tell an actual woman how she should feel about being a woman, he's being a bit of a nob really. I don't think you should try and use your daughter in law to get through to him as quarantine is shit enough without your uber woke husband telling you about lady peen.

Your daughter-in-law will presumably know exactly what has been happening re JKR. The one word reply "why" shows she does not share your opinion of JKR.

I'd drop it now.

why would you text your daughter in law that, do you think she wants to be lectured by you so that you can make a point to your son?

Why are you volunteering your views to your DIL? The first way to cause unnecessary tension it is not you're role as a mil to project your views or try to change those of your adult sons. I would imagine your DIL shares similar views to your son. you sound like a nightmare mil tbh

This is definitely not a conversation to have over text! The HP mega fan in my life now hates JKR rather than get into a massive FB row we’ve agreed to disagree

I don't think the OP can leave it entirely alone or it would be really weird if her dil genuinely doesn't know what the hell is happening.

Just say "Oh I really enjoyed the essay she wrote and thought it was a good way of addressing some concerns she had" and then possibly link it. But don't get into it with her it's not her job to deal with your woke son.

Don't do it - don't reply. Anybody in the UK who hasn't lived under a rock will know what this is about.

I don't think the OP can leave it entirely alone or it would be really weird if her dil genuinely doesn't know what the hell is happening

Oh come on - how can she possibly not know?

I feel pretty sure that if your Ds knows about Trans rights etc, then his wife certainly does. And almost certainly agrees.

And your Ds has probably rolled his eyes and decried you as a TERF to his wife, with ‘it’s generational’ and a sigh.

Her ‘why’ is fully confrontational.

Have a conversation with her for its own sake, using her to get at your Ds is not on.

Leave it, or just reply ‘ to have left an abusive marriage and made a life for herself writing’.

Why would you send this message in the first place?! I would be proper annoyed to get anything like that from my MIL.

Yes I’d leave it too. This has all the chances of developing into a horrible situation & causing a rift with your DS & DIL

If she supported JKR she would have replied positively, she didn’t. Leave it

I would be proper annoyed to get anything like that from my MIL

Why? Are women not allowed to have conversations (albeit by text), share ideas just because they are only related by marriage? I'd bloody love to chat about this with my MIL!

But people are often happy living under rocks. Whole rafts of people could not care less about this issue either way. It's not your job to impose your views on your son or daughter in law.

Oh come on - how can she possibly not know?

Because loads of people don't follow the news or live on Facebook/ twitter. Or maybe they saw a story out of the side of their eye but haven't actually read it. DH reads the news all day long but hadn't clicked on the story as he doesn't tend to click on 'sleb' stuff (other than to shout "Who even if is this person" occasionally in my general direction.

Truthfully, news gets missed all the time particularly in the middle of a pandemic and BLM. I can name 10 different stories around the subject at least but that's because I read feminist twitter people and MN.

If the "why" was meant to be confrontational she did a crap job of it. If a celeb had posted an essay that felt was sexist or racist and my mil texted me to let me know they were happy about it, I'd have more than "why" as a response.