Please help me with text to DIL

[StrangeTimes]

My son has previously bitten my head off when I mention the rights of women and the rights of trans women. I’ve only spoken gently about it, but he’s soooo woke it’s a definite conversation stopper.

I’ve never mentioned it to my DIL specifically but she is a crazy Harry Potter fan and self proclaimed feminist. Last night I thought “Fuck it” and text her how proud I was of JK Rowling and she was my favourite person in the world right now.

She has replied “Why?”

I don’t want to mess this up, if I can make her understand then maybe she can get through to my son.

Any tips?

Hmmm you’re right in retrospect I shouldn’t have text her, but I woke up with a bee in my bonnet! Anyway too late, I did text her.

She’s an amazing, clever and wonderful DIL and I hope I haven’t pissed her off!

So am going to reply using one of PPs suggestions

Oh I really enjoyed the essay she wrote and thought it was a good way of addressing some concerns she had

*clever

Can't wait to see a thread about a nightmare MIL who's trying to start a fight with her son through DIL about JKR first thing in the morning

Yes, and you could make it a bit lighter and add something like: 'I'm going to have to watch the series/read the books now, aren't I!' - (If you haven't already)

I think her 'why?' is not the most forthcoming of responses.

@LaureBerthaud because OP knows they disagree and the text out of the blue was just an attempt to stir sh*t for no reason?

Maybe just send A link to the essay? I doubt you could put it better than she did...

This may not go how you want it to go so back off if there’s any hint that she doesn’t see your viewpoint.
Just agree to disagree and respect each other’s views and leave it.

It's never a good idea to start such a politically-charged conversation with in-laws, even if you get on with them. That's especially the case via text or email, which have a nasty habit of becoming misconstrued.

I agree completely with your position, BTW.

I'm a massive harry potter fan and a feminist but I dont agree with JKR point of view on transgender individuals. My point of view is womens right and LGBTQ rights are not mutually exclusive.
Being a fan of someoneliteraturedoesnt meanyou agree with everything that person does or says.
Back off and leave her alone especially if you have butted heads with your son over this in the past.

Weird

pretty odd thing to text her tbh.

Wherever you stand on this issue, I’m not sure what reason there could be to actively go and antagonise someone into debating this with you, when they have expressed no interest in doing so.

Is there some back story as explanation? Are they trans-ing your grandchild? Are they in politics? Or do you just like to provoke conflict in your relationship with them?

I wouldnt have imposed my views on others like that. My fil is like that, he argues with you until you agree. We now avoid him as much as possible.

@StrangeTimes

Hmmm you’re right in retrospect I shouldn’t have text her, but I woke up with a bee in my bonnet! Anyway too late, I did text her.

She’s an amazing, clever and wonderful DIL and I hope I haven’t pissed her off!

So am going to reply using one of PPs suggestions

Oh I really enjoyed the essay she wrote and thought it was a good way of addressing some concerns she had

Yeah I’d go for this

You can’t not answer, but i agree that you need to be very careful

I told ds1 partner about it because he had no idea, ds1 did

Eh? I don't get it. Why do you feel the need to say anything at all?

If the "why" was meant to be confrontational she did a crap job of it. If a celeb had posted an essay that felt was sexist or racist and my mil texted me to let me know they were happy about it, I'd have more than "why" as a response

The OP describes her son as very woke. There is no way her daughter-in-law won't know what is going on. The one word reply is quite clearly a brush off.

I agree that it's strange that you have started this when she hasn't even said anything about JKR?

I'm a massive harry potter fan and a feminist but I dont agree with JKR point of view on transgender individuals. My point of view is womens right and LGBTQ rights are not mutually exclusive.

So if we have a situation where a woman who has been sexually assaulted and is in a refuge does not want to share that refuge with someone with a penis, but the person with a penis thinks they should be allowed in that refuge because they identify as a woman, should the woman just deal with it because of the way the man feels and identifies?

Sorry to derail but I don't understand how you can't see a clash here? Especially if you are a feminist and therefore presumably care about women and girls?

Weird responses on this thread.

Why shouldn’t a MIL text her DIL about this topic again

Am I on the right board? Feminism...I encourage any woman to discuss her thoughts about this, with anyone, even MIL’s.

If the DIL isn’t interested she doesn’t need to engage any further.

My son has previously bitten my head off when I mention the rights of women and the rights of trans women. I’ve only spoken gently about it, but he’s soooo woke it’s a definite conversation stopper.

I think the bigger issue is the description of a man biting his mother's head off & preventing her raising concerns about women's rights & children's Safeguarding.

Why would be an odd word to use as a brush off as it is essentially a question.

I'm a massive harry potter fan and a feminist but I dont agree with JKR point of view on transgender individuals

Which part/s of her point of view?

'J.K. Rowling Writes about Her Reasons for Speaking out on Sex and Gender Issues'

(extract)
"If you could come inside my head and understand what I feel when I read about a trans woman dying at the hands of a violent man, you’d find solidarity and kinship. I have a visceral sense of the terror in which those trans women will have spent their last seconds on earth, because I too have known moments of blind fear when I realised that the only thing keeping me alive was the shaky self-restraint of my attacker.

I believe the majority of trans-identified people not only pose zero threat to others, but are vulnerable for all the reasons I’ve outlined. Trans people need and deserve protection. Like women, they’re most likely to be killed by sexual partners. Trans women who work in the sex industry, particularly trans women of colour, are at particular risk. Like every other domestic abuse and sexual assault survivor I know, I feel nothing but empathy and solidarity with trans women who’ve been abused by men.

So I want trans women to be safe. At the same time, I do not want to make natal girls and women less safe." (continues)

www.jkrowling.com/opinions/j-k-rowling-writes-about-her-reasons-for-speaking-out-on-sex-and-gender-issues/

She might not know much about, I don’t. I’m busy working from home and home schooling, I know the rough details but I’ve not read a news article or the essay nor did I know that she had responded further.

You only need to get your woke person to give one line of JKR's that he or she disagrees with.

Please let us know which line is chosen.

FWIW I don't think you will be even getting a reply as, well, you know..

So my DIL answered. “I know, I love her”

So she is aware and assume was testing the waters to see what my opinion was with her “Why” comment.

Makes me love her more!! My son is so lucky to have her!

On a side note, I must admit to smiling at the MIL vitriol. Obviously I’m the MIL from hell for sending one text message!! Typical mnet feeling the hate for MILs and stepmums. Why is it Bebe PILs and Step dads? But that’s a whole other feminist thread!

FFS - why is it never FIL and Stepdads!