Is heterosexual sex a tool of women's oppression?

[NoMoreDickheads]

Sex with my ex felt like it.

I heard someone recently say "If ever any proof were needed that sexuality is innate, it's the existence of heterosexual women." Some days that's how I feel.

@NoMoreDickheads Yes, I absolutely think some men deliberately use sex as a weapon of oppression (and the rest benefit in all sorts of ways they don't even realise from the fact that the threat of male sexual violence hangs over us like the Sword of Damocles.)

Mercifully, I've never been where you are (had the man in my life actively use sex as a weapon against me). But when I think of how much time and energy and lost opportunities I've wasted on men, I could have written War and Peace in the time lost to me.

What caradune said.

I have wished I fancied women since I was first whistled at aged 12.

Sex is oppressive? A relationship can be oppressive and anything within it oppressive - yes. Unwanted sex - yes, but sex with someone you love isn’t oppressive. You might have to spell it out for me. In what way is heterosexual sex as a standalone oppressive?

I like heterosexual sex with men. It feels good. Not oppressive.

Men's desire for heterosexual sex with me has led to attempts to oppress me though.

The act itself is not oppressive imo.

Pretty much anything can be used as a weapon. In many cases to get as far as sex, a man has used emotions as a tool or weapon.

If sex with a partner feels oppressive, then I suggest the relationship has failed totally.

If sex with a partner feels oppressive, then I suggest the relationship has failed totally.

Men always turn up in the sex threads don't they?

Anyway, I think it can be OP. PIV is obviously interesting from a feminist pov. The majority of sex we have in this country is not intended for procreative purposes so we could easily abandon the idea of penis in vagina sex entirely as it is 1. not as likely to make a woman orgasm as alternatives and 2 likely to cause unwanted pregnancies which must either be endured by women or aborted by women.

Women as receivers are more at risk of STIs than men as well.

Then you move into hetero anal sex which is even more problematic. Anal stimulation can be great for the receiver but a finger or a smaller toy is usally better for a woman than a fullsize penis. But which do most men want to engage in?

You have so many threads where women are bemoaning the lack of physical affection because they can no longer have penetrative sex as it's painful post child birth.

Some are actually told to use numbing creams as I suppose it doesn't matter if they enjoy it so long as they can endure it?

I always wonder why their partners don't consider the million alternatives but it seems "penis in, penis out" is the most some men can muster.

Heterosexual sex can be abusive and oppressive or it can be loving, intimate and liberating.

Just the same as lesbian sex.

It can be used to oppress but I don't think that's the same as it being oppressive in and of itself.

I think it is, well I think penises are. Rape is used to punish women for example corrective rape of lesbian, widespread rape of women in war torn areas, as a war crime. And any time I have sex I'm always aware the man I'm with has that power over me, and in a relationship i have very little protection against it (i do put a lot of effort into making sure i don't sleep with rapists, but you can never be 100% sure).

The power dynamic men have by being bigger and stronger, and able to forcibly impregnate women, has definitely been used as a tool of oppression. Look at the girls in the states, forced to marry their rapists when they become pregnant

www.google.com/amp/s/abcnews.go.com/amp/US/child-brides-us-share-stories-exploitation-learning-wife/story%3fid=64589713

Personally I don't believe lesbian sex can be oppressive in the same way. I'm sure it can abusive but I don't think it can be weaponized like PIV sex because there is not such a strength disparity between partners and there is no risk of pregnancy

I don't think you can discount the fact that putting a penis inside a woman is never without some risk for the woman and there is always more risk for the woman than for the man.

That's before you consider the many many contraceptives available to women that are almost always shit. Without fail, just shit. When we have perfectly good condoms that would do the job just as well with zero side effects for anyone without an allergy.

Actually just think about how women take round the clock protection that affects hormones, can be physically painful, and still risk pregnancy just so men don't have to wear condoms during sex.

As well as those hormones affecting sexual desire and mood etc in some women.

And there are plenty of straight women who have an awful lot of bad sex - just see the threads on here - probably because there is no real cultural drive to teach boys and men how to please women sexually. Instead it centres around men's pleasure. And that's before we even start to look at the effects of the violent misogynistic porn that has become mainstream.

I know there are plenty of women having good sex with men, but I just don't think it is as common as it should be.

we could easily abandon the idea of penis in vagina sex entirely

But I don't want that, and neither do other women.
Why should some women's opinions overide others?
That's oppression.

@alittlelower
I know there are plenty of women having good sex with men, but I just don't think it is as common as it should be.

Did you the thread recently, I can't remember the title. But it was basically AIBU to prefer a cup of tea to sex? I was shocked by the numbers of women who seem to not enjoy sex at all but go through the motions because they feel they should or who have just accepted this as their fate.

Contrast that to men who say "sex is a human need" therefore prostitution is a necessary function of society?

But I don't want that, and neither do other women. Why should some women's opinions overide others? That's oppression.

Don't be silly.

Don't be silly.

As silly as saying something you enjoy is oppression?

Yes

The way PIV is framed as 'sex', although I suppose this of shifting with the fixation with anal from porn (not sure this is a good thing!).

The fact that pregnancy and having children (as a result of PIV) is used as a tool globally to oppress women in a variety of subtle and less subtle ways.

The fact that women are so often on hormonal contraception for the majority of their reproductive years.

Probably more.

As silly as saying something you enjoy is oppression?

No as silly as saying feminists were oppressing you and stopping you from having PIV.

The way PIV is framed as 'sex', although I suppose this of shifting with the fixation with anal from porn (not sure this is a good thing!).

Yes, you do sometimes look back wistfully at the Readers Wive's days when it comes to the current options.

No, I don't think it is inherently.

To some extent I think that sex can be felt as oppressive by both men and women. People often can feel oppressed by physical desire, and both men and women can feel oppressed by becoming parents and the expectations around that, whether it was accidental or planned. And both sexes at times feel obligated to provide sex to a partner when they aren't really all that keen, though that is more common it seems for women. Men are more able to physically oppress women with aggressive sex. Men can also oppress women by impregnating them though it's not at all unheard of for women to oppress men by purposefully becoming pregnant when the understanding was that they would try not to conceive.

But many many people have sex without seeing it as oppressive, quite the opposite.

The fact that women are so often on hormonal contraception for the majority of their reproductive years.

People can choose not to take these though. In general women don't, and many are completely eager to do so, especially now that they often prevent menstruation.

I gave up taking them years ago, so I had to either not have sex, or become pregnant, or rely on other things, in my case NFP and condoms which have their own downsides.

The fact that we have to choose either contraception or pregnancy or abstinence isn't oppression though, it's what our bodies are. I am really uncomfortable with arguments that are getting close to saying we are oppressed simply by the fact of the possibility of pregnancy, before even bringing anything else into it.