11 year old girl set homework asking her to 'define hardcore pornography'

[stumbledin]

Mum fuming as daughter, 11, set homework asking her to 'define hardcore pornography' headline from the Mirror.

Mrs Taylor said if her daughter had searched these phrases online in order to define them, the results would have "destroyed her mind" and "scarred her for life".

"My daughter is still very much a child, we've still got magic elves, her bedroom is done in My Little Pony. She is very innocent and naive.

"She was only in primary school last year living her best life, now she is being asked to search for hardcore pornography.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mum-fuming-daughter-11-set-22049850

Rough sex has always been popular with both sexes. I remember reading a study ages ago that found half of women enjoy rough sex. I’ve just tried to find it online and saw a much more recent one (compiled from online dating surveys) showing that 62% of female respondents now claim to enjoy it.

It absolutely hasn't. (I think "ages ago" for this person probably means maybe ten years or so!)
Newsflash: sexual practices that seem standard to people today have not "always" been popular, including premarital sex itself. Let's take oral sex.

I came of age in the 60's, and I started out in that generation of girls who had vowed not to have sex before marriage. I was certain I wouldn't, and both of my two closest friends were the same.

It didn't seem a problem to any of us, we weren't horny teenagers and even boys, though eager to have sex with us, were capable of waiting and being satisfied with just kisses.

The Sixties broke into our innocence and all our resolutions fell...

But not once, not a single time, did any boy ask for a blow job or even hint at the possibility. Not once did my close friends we talked about everything! suggest that their boyfriends had asked for oral sex. It just wasn't a thing on anyone's radar. I would have been totally disgusted at the very idea. And we lived in London (that's where I lost my virginity) at this time -- it was the 60's and everyone was swinging.

It wasn't till 1985 that I heard of oral sex for the first time and was asked for it, and that was in the USA by an American.

Neither of my two husbands seemed to be aware of oral sex (I married in 1975 and again in 1990) -- neither ever mentioned it; they were born in 1941 and 1943 respectively. Neither had either of them seen porn. The hottest thing were Playboy centrespreads.

This is just to show how over time, society's inhibitions fall. Practices we would instinctively have rejected, left to ourselves, become normalised by society's lowering of taboos. It's been fairly harmless up to now but now that violence is coming into it parents and of course schools need to be more vigilant than ever.

All these changes are inevitably driven by MEN. They are getting what they want, and women are right there beside them saying yes, darling. This is how they have been winning at the sex game.

I still have never watched porn and never will. But I will certainly be safeguarding my granddaughters, just as I did my daughter.
This is why I think it's time to rehabilitate the word prude. Make it something really cool: girls strong enough to say no to boys and men.
We can do it.

Lamahaha good post. I'm a bit younger than you but I absolutely refute the idea that "rough sex" is a thing that men and women have always done.

In my shagging days, if a guy had suggested rough sex you'd have assumed he was a psychopath.

There is a pretty horrible case of rough sex gone wrong in the US where a man elderly man beat his male lover to death (well battered him, took him to hospital and he died later as a result).

A man died - now will this change the law? Ok so another man killed him (I think of he had been a woman or may be different).

There have been several cases where women have been choked to death and the man has literally got away with murder by claiming it was rough sex.

In my shagging days, if a guy had suggested rough sex you'd have assumed he was a psychopath.

Wasn't a thing when I was shagging around in the late 80s and early 90s at all. Neither was anal, only one bloke ever suggested it. If any bloke had acted like randomly choking women you were shagging was OK we'd all have told each other not to go anywhere near him. Porn has really done a number on people's idea of what's normal.

Yes but isn't it a new defence? forty years ago, if a man had tried that, he'd have been laughed out of court.

We now have a situation where plenty of people believe that women love being strangled, spat on, and assaulted. It looks like these are the same type of people trying to educate my 11 year old daughter into what her future sex life looks like. Why is it so important to them that my daughter is told that violence/pain is part of sex (for a woman only naturally)...I can't think of any positive motivations behind it at all.

If any bloke had acted like randomly choking women you were shagging was OK we'd all have told each other not to go anywhere near him. Porn has really done a number on people's idea of what's normal absofuckinglutely

Porn has really done a number on people's idea of what's normal.

Yes, and peers egging girls on and girls wanting to be cool.

That's how it was with me. I was still a virgin at 17 and at boarding school but my two best friends shared a bedsit in London and boy, were they having the time of their lives, let loose in the coolest city in the world, without parents! (All our parents were in our home country -- we had all managed to emigrate to England).

I used to stay with them in the holidays. We would party all night, go to discos, dance, drink -- and it was boys, boys, boys. One of my friends soon had a steady boyfriend, a really sweet boy from Iran who was in love with her and would have married her but his parents broke it up. My other friend shagged around, a different boy every night.

Both of them teased me because I was a virgin. They would tell every boy I was interested in that I was a virgin and everybody laughed at me. They kept egging me on. Being a virgin was so uncool!

I wanted to be cool. So I did the deed. A very nice Spanish waiter called Miguel who lived in Notting Hill. That was the beginning of the end!

It was definitely the need to fit in and not be an uncool prude that drove me. Now, I'd like to give the 17 year old me a slap and tell her to grow a spine. Oh, the wisdom of retrospect.

I disagree that an 11 year old needs to learn about different types of porn as part of a school work sheet.

Agree, posted in haste and didn't say things clearly. I wanted to make the point that it was a stupid mistake to think that any sex education lesson material could just be converted into worksheets for online learning with no problems. It's something that would always need real time teacher input and supervision. The decision that knowing about 'hard core pornography' is appropriate for Y7 is a whole other thing but I agree that it's not!

Also, on the rough sex question, We Can't Consent To This are doing sterling work on the number of deaths from this and use in defence cases. There is a pie chart showing how many times it's been man killing woman (most) and man killing man (a few). No women have killed anyone in this scenario. Which brings us to the other thing about 'rough sex' - when it's described as popular, what that comes down to is men hurting women, and women being hurt by men. It's not popular the other way around! (not saying it doesn't exist) That's what porn presents. And therefore that's wilt kids will get from that lesson.

I agree that even if you were going to teach kids about porn an online multichoice test would be a particularly poor way to do so. It's perfect if your goal is to normalize and make it all seem light and breezy and as if you'd have to be terribly uncool not to be familiar with it though.

Yes I love the implied "god how uncool" in the apology to people "who may have researched it".

Will reiterate that dd said she covered this in PSHE earlier this year. She's in the sixth form, and they discussed it like grown ups. Perfect.

Porn has really done a number on people's idea of what's normal.

Even on this thread, people thinking rough sex has always been normal and it's only feminists who think people believe porn and to re-enact it. Absolute nonsense.

In the last few months or so on here women have discussed the boys who think girls crying during sex is completely normal (and that's why he didn't stop). The Italian study showing adolescent boys unable to get an erection without using porn. One girl a day raped in school. The studies showing the vast majority of girls do not like nor want anal sex, and the boys demanding it know this, but don't care.

Women are getting their labia surgically altered and their anuses bleached because of the expectations resulting from porn, ffs.

The non apology by the head is awful.

"Students were not directed to research these topics themselves on the internet because all the answers to the questions students posed were contained in the teacher-produced materials we shared."

Presumably students are just expected to fill in worksheets and it never occurs to teachers that they might be inspired to do more research, regardless of the subject matter.

I hope the parents are not just letting that mealy mouthed apology lie. No actual apologies - no ‘we are going to investigate this whole issue and pull content’.

You have to wonder if people have had their cats kidnapped...

This is just to show how over time, society's inhibitions fall. Practices we would instinctively have rejected, left to ourselves, become normalised by society's lowering of taboos.

All these changes are inevitably driven by MEN. They are getting what they want, and women are right there beside them saying yes, darling. This is how they have been winning at the sex game.

I agree that taboos change over time, not just with sex but with loads of areas. Fashion most definitely, but even with sex there was a time where you'd be expected to marry a guy who got you pregnant etc.

I don't think we can necessarily make the jump to it all being driven by men though. I've dated a few women who told me they liked being tied up etc, and the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon was most certainly driven by women.

I think that the rise in sickeningly violent stories we hear in the media is undoubtedly related as rough sex gives the perfect 'excuse' for the type of individual who wants to try and overstep the boundaries, and it's likely the closest they will get to the unsavoury fantasies they desire - sadly their defence seems to work in some cases from what I've seen online.

But in between these extreme examples and normal sexual behaviour there are undoubtedly many people who get on just fine and enjoy rough sex. It's certainly not for me, but I'm not sure we can throw the baby out with the bathwater and tell people what they can and can't do in bed within the confines of the law.

I don't regard this as being the same as sex work. As people often point out on here, very few people would likely undertake sex work if other options were available, but the same is not true with rough sex etc. Many women happily seek this out and if anything I've noticed it more and more as women have become more empowered and independent.

I don't think we can necessarily make the jump to it all being driven by men though. I've dated a few women who told me they liked being tied up etc, and the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon was most certainly driven by women.

I absolutely do not believe that wanting to be tied up, slapped, treated roughly, etc is a natural development. What we want, finally, is to be loved, and to be treated with love and respect.
Somewhere, somehow, these women were groomed into liking, wanting to be mistreated.

Lamahaha

I agree. Dd21 and I had a good convo about this while watching Normal People. She couldn't get her head around why Marianne seemed to want to be hit and tied up and insulted during sex. I was glad she didn't get it - she has a boyfriend and they are having sex (or were before lockdown!) so I'm hoping "rough sex" doesnt come into it.

RuffleCrow

The lessons are produced by the PSHE association, you have to be a member to view the materials.On the PSHE website they have a link for the LGBT Consortium, and fact sheets about LGBT students, very like the trans toolkit.The facts sheets were produced by mermaids and Gires.

• I'm not sure we can throw the baby out with the bathwater and tell people what they can and can't do in bed within the confines of the law.

again tacho, why on earth are you pretending thats what people are talking about here?

A PP said they are a member and their school teaches about it in year 10.

What are we not teaching kids about that they ought to know? I'm curious if kids are learning actual useful life skills when surely a lot of this can be covered with:

• Respect other people - if it's legal, consenting and doesn't hurt anyone
• You can say 'no' - no one has the right to make you do anything/to touch you/make you feel unsafe or scared.
• Think - only small children have little impulse control - think about 'what happens tomorrow, next week, next year'
• Question, and don't take things on face value
• Everyone over 30 is not an idiot
• Your generation didn't invent sex or teenage rebellion
• Read a bloody book

Parts of this thread reminded me of this:
archive.li/JEkqH

“I went to a school recently where they had a rape case involving a 14-year-old boy and a teacher had said to him, ‘Why didn’t you stop when she was crying?’ and he looked straight back at her, quite bewildered, and said, ‘Because it is normal for girls to cry during sex.'

“I go into schools and talk to children around that age all the time who think that crying is part of foreplay because they have seen so much online porn that normalises violence and treats women in a way that is incredibly misogynistic and dehumanising.”