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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Mermaids is encouraging children to hide online searches from their parents

132 replies

jadefinch · 26/03/2020 06:08

Surely this is a child safeguarding breach and is an example of child grooming?

The trans children charity Mermaids has created a button on its desktop website so that children can immediately jump to another web site if a parent comes into the room, presumably while either looking at Mermaids material or talking to someone at the charity, so they can lie to their parents that they were actually doing something else.

They've created this because more children are home at the moment during the coronavirus pandemic.

The charity has received further criticism in the last few days for not playing what could be an important role during COVID-19:

  • They should be telling transboys to ditch their binders until this is over - the binders constrict the chest and lead to breathing difficulties, something that's potentially fatal during a pandemic where the virus targets the lungs; but Mermaids have refused to do this.
  • They should be telling all young trans people to stay away from hospitals unless there's an emergency as non-essential treatment increases the risk of spreading the virus at the moment; Mermaids has not done this.
  • They have instead asked people to buy more food on Amazon and set Mermaids up as the charity to donate a percentage of the money spent to - ignoring all charities concerned with NHS staff or the elderly that desperate need cash injections at the moment.
Mermaids is encouraging children to hide online searches from their parents
OP posts:
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Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/03/2020 08:57

I agree, Buzz.

statsgeek1 · 26/03/2020 09:17

www.childline.org.uk/get-support/ask-sam/about-childline-asksam2/hiding-1-2-1-chat-from-my-parents/

Or perhaps a bit like child line it could just be a facility for those who are concerned that being found out by parents who are unlikely to accept them or worse abuse them to avoid the risk.

That is particularly relevant at this time where avoiding the potential resulting abuse may be difficult due to the present medical emergency. Many parents of course are understanding and supportive but, the experiences related to in the study posted earlier suggest that acceptance isn't a universal experience.

R0wantrees · 26/03/2020 09:33

Positioning the possible responses by parents/carers as either understanding/supportive eg affirming vs abusive is harmful to the vulnerable children that Mermaids claim to support.

Mermaids do not work from a basis informed by child development or Safeguarding knowledge.

Justhadathought · 26/03/2020 09:43

I may be being dense here, but if a child is in danger at home, surely that is the case regardless of whether they believe they are trans or not

Exploration of the issue and any questioning of 'being trans' is dangerous........that's how it goes.

Justhadathought · 26/03/2020 09:48

Many parents of course are understanding and supportive but, the experiences related to in the study posted earlier suggest that acceptance isn't a universal experience

'Being trans' is not like being gay.....as much as people want to conflate the two. The whole concept of 'being trans' is, itself, relatively new.

Exploration, by a parent, of what a child means by 'being trans' is re-labelled 'abuse'. Anything but unquestioning acceptance is the gold standard. And this then carries o to the GIDS services. No questions. Total affirmation

Justhadathought · 26/03/2020 09:50

Many parents of course are understanding and supportive

I'd suggest that most parents sincerely hope it is a phase...and keep their concerns close to their chest - as much as possible. That is not the same as total acceptance and support of 'being trans' - but about concern for the long term welfare of their child.

Datun · 26/03/2020 10:07

Dear lord. That is aimed at children, not (just) university leavers.

On what basis do Mermaids think they are qualified to encourage children to view their parents as abusers, but themselves as the solution to that?

An IT consultant who religiously sorts toys into only those for boys and only those for girls, who recommends a doctor who has been suspended for illegal activity, and now employs a YouTuber who shoves objects into their anus?

statsgeek1 · 26/03/2020 10:09

Being both trans and same sex attracted, I agree wholeheartedly that although both are what I am as oppose to what I do, they are not the same. As my mother explained to me on numerous occasions 'no one had to know I was gay' and she was amongst a minority who hoped both were a phase.

However, neither are a choice and I think it is nice to see that the minute number (incidence wise) of trans children in a similar position today, aren't left with no other option than being left to the mercy of people who, in their hope for it to be a phase can at times cause far more harm than good.

Of course, if there is a genuine concern about safeguarding with regards to this particular issue, then social services and the police like the National Lottery previously would likely be interested to hear about it and be well placed to look into it.

HorseRadishFemish · 26/03/2020 10:17

Being both trans and same sex attracted..

Would you be kind enough to explain what that means?

statsgeek1 · 26/03/2020 10:18

The whole concept of 'being trans' is, itself, relatively new.

That isn't a widely held opinion. See below.

web.ncf.ca/fm120/Trans/History/Chapter_2-Trans-People.pdf

statsgeek1 · 26/03/2020 10:21

'Would you be kind enough to explain what that means?'

Of course, I'm a trans woman (male) I am sexually attracted to men. Does that help?

R0wantrees · 26/03/2020 10:23

Of course, if there is a genuine concern about safeguarding with regards to this particular issue, then social services and the police like the National Lottery previously would likely be interested to hear about it and be well placed to look into it.

Social Services have an enormous responsibility at the moment to protect the most vulnerable children who are at heightened risk of actual abuse & harm and/or meet complex needs due to illness & disability.

The messaging by Mermaids & others demonstrates a failure to understand their Safeguarding responsibilities.

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/mar/25/coronavirus-puts-vulnerable-uk-children-greater-risk-campaigners-warn

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/mar/23/uks-emergency-coronavirus-bill-will-put-vulnerable-at-risk

Isitweekendyet · 26/03/2020 10:25

I can see the positives and the negatives of this.

However, I've just had a go and it does not wipe the browser like certain sites do, making it impossible to track they've been on.

So if a parent has suspicions then all they have to do is click backspace or look in the browser history... seems somewhat obsolete.

Justhadathought · 26/03/2020 10:25

However, neither are a choice and I think it is nice to see that the minute number (incidence wise) of trans children in a similar position today, aren't left with no other option than being left to the mercy of people who, in their hope for it to be a phase can at times cause far more harm than good

Being same sex attracted is a measurable reality........whereas many would argue that identifying as trans is a mind set, or a way of framing one's feelings about oneself. Nothing to do with biological sex or with sexual orientation and attraction, except, perhaps, in the case of AGP in which the sexual urge is turned inwards towards oneself as an object of one's own desire.

statsgeek1 · 26/03/2020 10:28

'Social Services have an enormous responsibility at the moment to protect the most vulnerable children who are at heightened risk of actual abuse & harm and/or meet complex needs due to illness & disability.'

I understand your concern about the current pressures. However, personally if I had a concern about children, I would report it and let the professionals triage what they are going to deal with as a priority.

statsgeek1 · 26/03/2020 10:33

'Being same sex attracted is a measurable reality........whereas many would argue that identifying as trans is a mind set'.

Both are measurable realities. Being same sex attracted is a feeling I have, measurable only by who i enter into relationships with. Being trans is also a feeling I have measurable by the distress I displayed at being forced into a particular box and medical and surgical treatments I have had to reduce that distress. Only the former had anything to do with my sexual urges.

R0wantrees · 26/03/2020 10:34

I understand your concern about the current pressures. However, personally if I had a concern about children, I would report it and let the professionals triage what they are going to deal with as a priority.

This demonstrates a lack of undersatnding about Safeguarding.
Social Services at present is managing complex Child Protection.

Justhadathought · 26/03/2020 10:35

I understand your concern about the current pressures. However, personally if I had a concern about children, I would report it and let the professionals triage what they are going to deal with as a priority

I take it you are not a parent? It is the primary job of parents to deal with children. You don't run off to experts at every little bump, bruise or upset. And Teenagers are often moody, sullen and uncommunicative - often framing their identity in opposition to their parents, or certainly in response to them.

Justhadathought · 26/03/2020 10:38

Being trans is also a feeling I have measurable by the distress I displayed at being forced into a particular box and medical and surgical treatments I have had to reduce that distress

Not to dismiss your distress.....but who was forcing you into a box? And what did that box resemble? I'd suggest that a good many of us reject being forced into boxes...and struggle with them all of our lives....Boxes of different shapes and sorts. Discovering our selves means rejecting boxes.

statsgeek1 · 26/03/2020 10:39

This demonstrates a lack of undersatnding about Safeguarding.
Social Services at present is managing complex Child Protection.

To think that social services aren't always managing a complex child protection situation is perhaps naive. Their current workload is likely complicated and increased by the Covid-19 emergency.

Personally, I would not have the confidence to not tell them if I had a safeguarding concern about children based on my own opinions about how busy they may or not be. I'm confident I'm not unique in having that particular lack of confidence.

statsgeek1 · 26/03/2020 10:44

I take it you are not a parent? It is the primary job of parents to deal with children. You don't run off to experts at every little bump, bruise or upset. And Teenagers are often moody, sullen and uncommunicative - often framing their identity in opposition to their parents, or certainly in response to them.

Of course you don't need to run to experts at the drop of a hat however, this thread is making an issue over a safeguarding concern. If people have a genuine concern then perhaps it would just make sense to report it to someone who is in a formal position to address and report back on that concern.

R0wantrees · 26/03/2020 10:46

To think that social services aren't always managing a complex child protection situation is perhaps naive. Their current workload is likely complicated and increased by the Covid-19 emergency.

There is no 'likely complicated' about it.
It is not simply about workload it is about increased actual risk of harm to already very vulnerable children.

(extract)
"Children’s commissioner for England Anne Longfield estimates that up to 2.3 million children in England are at significant risk, on the very edge of coming to social services’ attention – but not currently getting help.

There will be [foster] placement breakdowns because of [Covid-19]
Jane Collins, director of the Independent Foster Carers Alliance
“These children are in families that are already unstable, and this crisis is going to put them under even more pressure,” says Longfield. “For these children, school tends to provide one, and often two, hot meals a day; it provides structure and support from peers and teachers, and gives professionals direct line of sight to children, with a well-established escalation procedure. All this is lost if a child isn’t in school, and, even with the government’s announcement, most won’t be.”

With many children’s centres, nurseries, libraries and youth services closed down or cut, “there will be the best part of 1 million children who have needed a social worker in the past three years now becoming invisible to professionals, just as their families come under unprecedented strain”, adds Longfield.

Even for those children who are in care, stability cannot be guaranteed. Foster carers are increasingly anxious about the capacity of the system to support them when social workers – already a scarce resource – fall ill or self-isolate. “There will be [foster] placement breakdowns because of this situation,” says Jane Collins, director of the Independent Foster Carers Alliance." (continues)
www.theguardian.com/society/2020/mar/25/coronavirus-puts-vulnerable-uk-children-greater-risk-campaigners-warn

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/03/2020 10:47

I've just had a go and it does not wipe the browser like certain sites do, making it impossible to track they've been on.

So if a parent has suspicions then all they have to do is click backspace or look in the browser history... seems somewhat obsolete.

Doesn't surprise me. Ms Green used to work as an IT manager for the Citizens' Advice Bureau, I believe. I don't know what level of professional qualifications she has but the massive data breach last year suggested that whoever looks after Mermaids' IT systems was not up to the job.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-48652970

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3613168-Data-breaches-by-Mermaids-exposed-in-the-Times

statsgeek1 · 26/03/2020 10:47

'Not to dismiss your distress.....but who was forcing you into a box? And what did that box resemble? I'd suggest that a good many of us reject being forced into boxes...and struggle with them all of our lives....Boxes of different shapes and sorts. Discovering our selves means rejecting boxes.'

To answer your question, my parents forced me into a box or at least tried to force me into a box. The box resembled telling them what I was and them firstly hoping it was just a phase and then actively trying to make it go away. I rejected the box and discovered myself so i'm mindful to agree with your last comment.

R0wantrees · 26/03/2020 10:51

I don't know what level of professional qualifications she has but the massive data breach last year suggested that whoever looks after Mermaids' IT systems was not up to the job.

It wasnt just a data breach, what was demonstrated was lack of standard good practice in sharing personal information about children & families within the organisation.

Mermaids don't understand Safeguarding.