My feelings about men

[BoxyLoxy]

Name changed, obviously.

Im a regular on here although mostly lurking.

I was wondering how other people reconcile their feelings about how fucking awful the patriarchy is, how men as a group are basically toxic and even the 'good ones' have an incredibly low bar for being decent humans.

Im married, and seriously reconsidering it because I feel this ongoing utter despair at the myriad injustices I put up with. I would NEVER EVER pursue a relationship with a man if I did leave.

Anyone else feel the same? Is this normal?!

Men throughout history have behaved the way men behave today, long before the Romans invented porn. Or was that the Greeks.

Do what overnightangel ?

^So all men are bad until they go out of their way to prove otherwise?
Bit of a depressing view to hold.
What are your views on other groups of people who have no say in their genetic makeup OP? Any sweeping statements to make about people born with disabilities? People born white? People with blonde hair?^

We're talking about patriarchy here - not blimming hair colour.
Patririachy - a system of oppression.

Men throughout history have behaved the way men behave today, long before the Romans invented porn. Or was that the Greeks.

Are you saying men still have a harem hidden away in the basement?

Seriously, though, I do have a bit of an issue with this broad stereotyping, which would never be tolerated if applied to any of the other groups with protected characteristics. It's only on here (and occasionally feminist articles) that I encounter this view of men. Some are shitbags but most are ok IME.

I've met so few decent men in my life. Starting with my father and brother: neither have any respect for my mum and me, very much based on our sex, so from an early age, I was wary of men.

My husband and one good male friend are really the only two I can be around. I avoid the others in social situations as much as possible, I can have a laugh with them at work but I am always aware of the fact that I need to be careful of how I act around them.

IME most individual males are worse than not even remotely ok. [shrug emogi - if there was one]

IME, when people think everyone around them is the problem, the problem is in fact usually them. 🤷‍♀️

Jargoyle “Seriously, though, I do have a bit of an issue with this broad stereotyping, which would never be tolerated if applied to any of the other groups with protected characteristics.”

But you're speaking as if we’re in a meeting for an HR team.

It’s a chat board. There’s many online that are full of anti female statements. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've gone off men and i'm straight soooo.... i wish i was a lesbian.
They just consistently let me down in one way or another, sooner or later.

Political lesbianism is the answer

Julie Bindel's thoughts on political lesbianism

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/30/women-gayrights

Thanks Sapphos i read that article. I like that they included critical views, too. I have never heard of political lesbianism before.. and i thought that suggesting you can choose sexuality is like saying you can make gay men straight. I feel like you've just opened a whole new world to me. I don't know whether I can change my sexuality/feelings but I'm going to think about it. Thanks.

Agree about the status of married vs unmarried women. I've gone from well-liked MC married woman to shunned WC single mum in the past few years. I've literally felt myself dropping through the social strata.

And political lesbianism can only really work for bisexual women who decide to ignore their straight leanings for the sake of sisterhood.

Here1111 you're welcome. For a lot of women sexuality is fluid so if you feel open to it then you could discover a whole new world.

I don't know if we're talking about men raised and acting in this society (Patriarchy) or men by nature. Men raised outside the Patriarchy would probably be less restrained, have fewer boundaries.
The Patriarchy imposes controls and boundaries- and no, they are not where women would put them, but they do offer some degree of safety, particularly to women who are under the protection of a good man.
Dismantle at our peril- we'll need something pretty robust in its place, IMO

We are all shaped by our experiences in life - positive and negative. Some will have encountered profound experiences that will influence their approach and responses in the long-term.

The more trapped and stifled and stuck we feel, the more resentful and disappointed we become of those around us, especially if we feel there is no room for improvement or change.

To the OP - it sounds like you feel trapped and surrounded by some negative, unsupportive men in your life. Is there a way to try to change some of this? Can you avoid or minimise contact with the unpleasant men in your life? Can you look for more positive influences from those who are more on your wavelength, whether male or female? Many women feel a natural affinity for other women, so you might want to nurture some new female company and friendships.

There's nothing wrong in keeping unpleasant family members at arm's length. It might be worth re-evaluating your relationship with your partner. How financially independent are you?

It is also worth developing stronger boundaries and assertiveness. It's not easy but little acts of assertiveness can help build up confidence and resilience over time. Bullies look for weakness and if they find something upsets you, they will keep trying to push that angle to get that predictable reaction from you.
It's often said in therapy that you can't change someone else's behaviour, you can only control your own reaction and response to their behaviour. That doesn't mean being a doormat or accepting however someone treats you. It can be about developing and strengthening our boundaries so that we don't feel helpless or lacking in control of certain situations. For example, someone making a joke or jibe that they know will upset you or provoke an argument - it can be quite freeing to learn to say something like 'we've been through this before; I still don't find that funny.' and then you change the topic or move away to speak to someone else. It can be quite challenging to build up the confidence to do something like that, but even small acts of the sort will confuse and upset a bully because they are no longer getting that predictable reaction from you.

The more dependent you are on a partner, the more obliged you feel to put up with irritating or unpleasant behaviour because you don't want to rock the boat.

I'm not reporting the lovely fellow above, only because it's amusing how any article or thread about feminism ends up illustrating the need for feminism in the comments. It never fails, it's as reliable as death and taxes.

Well aren’t you a charmer

I agree prodigal

And my post was to sucks not you obvs 😀

You are vastly, vastly favoured in the dating game

This is the key to the viterol in the post i feel 😀

You are vastly, vastly favoured in the dating game both online and offline

I imagine your experience of online dating might have been affected by your winning personality.

"Women don't want to touch my penis, therefore they are evil. I remain baffled as to how my screechingly incoherent rants about how much I hate them don't make them more interested in touching my penis. It just proves how evil they are! If they were nice then shouting at them would make them want me."