I know so much nonsense appears on Twitter but this just made me laugh and eye roll very hard

[Doyoumind]

There really is no end to how far some people will push their ideology.

Sorry.

gets coat

Mine won the World Breakdancing Championships in 1989. I was very proud.

Yes that explains why two different gynaecologists invaded me and stole an ovary each They pulled the surgical gauze wool over my womb eyes by assuring me they were gifting me a ‘bespoke’ reproductive system.

I’m so irritated to discover that DH could have given birth rather than me. I had all the children in our family, I feel so old fashioned now.

Mine is a portal to a swirling void. Which explains a lot about Ds.

After babies (fleshtone playdoh and yoga pose method for the moulding) I started using mine to store all those spare buttons you get on new jackets and cardigans. I always keep them safe, just in case, but I’ve not yet had to retrieve a button. Come the menopause, I reckon I’ll have a good tidy up and get rid of the ones where the original garment is long gone. 🤷‍♂️

Mine’s a hybrid, I can get 50 miles out of it before it switches to petrol.

Christ I must get out more. I've never thought of doing anything to mine other than standard magnolia and white. I'm definitely going to accessorise this year - is crushed velvet still in?

Mine only produces kittens. Turned it off and back on again. Still kittens

Damn, I want kitties. Now that I no longer want to use my womb to grow any more human babies I can pop out a litter every three months or so. If I go for ragdolls or those hairless ones I could make a fortune.

Mine is very pedestrian and needs a spruce up.

@titchy the phrase you don’t want to google is “pimp my repro”. When it comes to adornment though, I’m jealous though of those women with a lady penis - they have something to tie ribbons and hanging baskets to.

Mines never been used but has now worn out. Can I get a refund? I wonder how long the guarantee is?

Well, now that I am long past the menopause, I have renovated mine with a beautiful art gallery and glittery curtains. At least they won’t get spoiled or stained.

My reproductive system tortures me with 7-10 days of debilitating migraines every single month (true story). But, only one careful lady owner and some years left in it so willing to trade in if anyone's interested?

Threads like this are why I love Mumsnet! (lots of other reasons too)

Mine did manage to successfully pop out a small human but then promptly went haywire. The poor dear’s having terrible problems with her nerves you know, I’m hoping a nice lie down in a dark room for a few years months will sort her out. If not I’m worried I’ll have to try smelling salts via one of those Gwyneth Paltrow steamers. Expensive though. Maybe one of those face steamers would do in a pinch?

Speaking of Gwynnie, KettlePolly, I'm afraid she's jumped you on the candle front www.theguardian.com/fashion/2020/jan/13/why-is-gwyneth-paltrow-selling-a-candle-that-smells-like-her-vagina-goop

Red was "virgina" a typo or was it on purpose? That's a great description for one in a man! (Vir = man in Latin)

Since Brexit was announced, I've used mine to stockpile Brie, Chorizo and Champagne.

I have to be careful when I sneeze; last time I didn't clench, a cork shot out and killed next door's cat.

StrangeLookingParasite

Cabbage! 😂😂😂

This thread is brilliant!

I wish mine would turn in to a Greggs - at least it’d be useful and I do miss their sausage rolls

What is a female, etc.

I think we know now why women’s clothing lacks pockets.

Currently in a fetching blue mohair

The itching though...

Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, haven't had a good snort in ages, thank you Mumsnetter's.

Oh my! I keep all my jewellery in mine. It's much cheaper than buying a safe and I'm pretty sure a burglar won't think of looking there (clutches pearls)