The Badley Fuckitt Pop-Up Winter Gin Bar

[BadgertheBodger]

Come one, come all!

Badley Fuckitt’s pop-up Winter gin bar is open for business. We’ve got faux-sheepskins, a log fire being stoked by young Nigel and enough gin to drown an army of sealions. (Note to PETA, not real ones, natch)

Collapses on chaise longue and weakly gestures for the bottle

As an antipodean I'm about to swill a very large gin, but it's ok, it's 9 pmish not amish.
It's gonna be a double triple cos I still can't believe the Guardian sent a lesbian on a blind date with a trans woomin.
Cin cin. Glug glug

Loving the seasonal booze chat, but where’s the damn vin chaud??

Get mulling, Nigel!

And thanks a lot for planting the idea of stollen for breakfast. I knew you fanny fighters were evil, and now I find out that you’re all just shills for Big Cake 😡 I’m working on my exposé now - Mumsnet Vipers Hate Funding Sources Revealed: Mr Kipling Denies Shadowy Links

Is it possible to fit wanker-proofing to this bar? I'm not sure what that would entail in reality - maybe an enchanted door like what they have on the Ravenclaw common room that asks feminist questions and only lets you in if you believe that women are socially disadvantaged as a sex class and that the legal system is run by and for the benefit of men?

Gaffer tape, Eoin?

A morning livener for everyone. Some threads are useful for discovering how far some people are willing to argue. Still eye opening after all this time.

Indeed. If you find yourself arguing in favor of someone's right to violate other people's boundaries then perhaps a "look at yourself, look at your choices" moment is in order.

Scrimshaw most DIY tasks that I undertake involve gaffer tape, so I'm willing to give it a go. I may just use it to affix the wankers to a nearby tree so that they can't get through the door, though.

Yes, some sort of bead curtain over the door that turns solid if the person passing through has ever said ‘women do it too’

It’s nearly the right season for alcoholic drinking custard (aka home made egg nog). It feels like the kind of thing you’d only drink for a bet, but is in fact mind blowingly delicious

We need something like flypaper that's irresistible to wankers. Stick it up outside the door.

Couldn't we just make do with a circle of salt? Or is that too mean?

Witches use salt circles as a protective boundary against negative influences when they're doing spells. So that would actually be quite appropriate, as well as having the effect of dissolving the more persistent slimy ones.

I can do a bit of smudging and muttering.

I’ve got warts

And a black cat

Can contribute an old lady chin hair.

Ooh I can help with some tutting.
Tut tut, tut tut.

I also have chin hair, and some purple tights, and I have reptile familiars. I may also be able to contribute a humped back in a few years' time, when the osteoporosis really sets in. We just need to do some focused protection spells and I think we'll be sorted.

Do we need more Nigels to literally Man the door? I’m sure I left some in the cellar but I’m worried the Thighs might have been at them.

Well, we may want bouncers but I don't think they need to be men. Some of the assorted dogs might be willing to guard the door.

I shall hand craft a pub sign that says 'Old Ladies Home' to act as a general man repellent.

I shall hand craft a pub sign that says 'Old Ladies Home' to act as a general man repellent.

Sadly, after several years on MN and following various hair-raising links (DH still hasn’t forgiven me for showing him the hentai links), I have to conclude there’s probably some weirdo out there who would get a galloping hard-on at that sign.

I can offer the services of a python for door-guarding duties, but it would really only work on people who are already properly scared of snakes. He is not very good at the whole radiating menace thing and his ability to frighten anyone has been further undermined by cute snek memes on Facebook that people keep tagging me on.

I regularly meet as part of a group of middle-aged to older women and so far men haven't been remotely interested in joining in. I think the key is to have knitting magazines on the tables and to talk about your menopause symptoms. That seems to be pretty repellent to most men.

I worry that menopause symptoms may also give a frisson to unsavoury sorts.

I’m pretty sure that the Thighs would insist on being inside the pub at all times

Maybe we can sit in protective circles - I'm a part-time Thigh, post meno, I think I must have a good 'resting bitch face' - and a dog who'll bark convincingly if he's awake. So I'll volunteer sit near the door, if it's not too draughty.

Or, we can get some geese. Their beak is about crotch height.