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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

I hope my daughter is a lesbian.

377 replies

RhinoR · 17/11/2019 10:59

She's 10.

She says she doesn't like boys. That one day she will get a girlfriend. She says she has a crush on a girl in her class.

This has me hoping she will indeed be gay.
From my own experiences to those I read daily about young women being abused, coerced and degraded by their partners I fear so much for my daughter going through such things.

Women aren't perfect of course, being gay won't protect her from heartbreak and maybe some abuse at the hands of her partner but I daresay I would sleep better at night.

Is that terrible of me?

OP posts:
Goosefoot · 19/11/2019 19:46

What is preferable about having a mum and a dad over two mums or two dads?

I think her point is that every child has a dad and a mum, that's the nature of being a sexually reproducing species, and also has a right to know them both and have them involved in their lives. The desire to raise a child with someone else, even in a loving relationship, doesn't give you the right to purposefully set up a situation where the child won't have a relationship with their parents.

ghostfromholidaypast · 19/11/2019 19:46

How sad OP!
My best friend growing up used to beat her gf like she was a bloke. I also have a lot of gay friends, and recently heard how a friend of my gay bf got attacked and strangled by his very feminine bf. My aunt got cheated on constantly by her gf.
Drama/ abuse happens in every sort of relationship and it's sad that you think lesbians are different.
The how point of GAY PRIDE is that they are the same as everyone else - good and bad!

Scarlett555 · 19/11/2019 19:52

Wow Goosefoot and Hearhoovesthinkzebras so you're effectively saying lesbians shouldn't be allowed to have children??! Or it's less than ideal for them to do so than straight women.

Honestly didn't think attitudes like that still existed! Must live in a bubble with my lesbian pals and our lovely, well adjusted children.

dadshere · 19/11/2019 21:02

Some very weird comments on here at the moment. If you think there is something wrong with being gay, don't be gay. If you think same sex couples shouldn't raise children, don't be in a same sex couple raising children. As a species, homosexuality is as normal as heterosexuality. It is in our genes. There is no 'right' sexuality. Only right for you. Being straight does not make you a better parent, and being gay does not mean you are less likely to be abusive, as ghostfromholidaypast so clearly stated we are all human, we are all the same.

Staffori · 19/11/2019 21:25

I was delighted that my daughter turned out to be a lesbian.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/11/2019 21:39

Scarlett555

I don't think children should be conceived via anonymous donor. If the dad is around and the child can have a relationship with them then that's entirely different to having to wait until they are 18.

Do you think it's ok for gay men to have children via surrogates then?

dadshere · 19/11/2019 21:57

Hearhoovesthinkzebras;

Do you think it's ok for gay men to have children via surrogates then?

absolutely. Gay men are as good at being parents as straight men, gay women and straight women. Why on earth would their sexual preference even matter?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/11/2019 22:03

Don your hard hat for that reply on here.

I think lesbian and gay parents can be just as good, or just as bad, as straight parents. I just happen to think that a child has a right to know its biological parents, from birth, unless there is a danger in doing so.

LonginesPrime · 19/11/2019 22:17

Honestly didn't think attitudes like that still existed! Must live in a bubble

I think you do live in a bubble if you are gay and have never heard any homophobic comments like this, especially as a parent.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/11/2019 22:34

Why is it homophobic to say that children deserve to have a relationship with both parents?

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 19/11/2019 22:47

Heterosexuality and defence of it if you're a women is at odds with female liberation?!
So if you're a woman who likes shagging men you're against female liberation?!
What the fuck, what a load of tripe, sorry!

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 19/11/2019 22:49

@Coyoacan just noticed your comment, glad it's not just me who picked up on that Grin
Straight women are at odds with female liberation.
I can't even.

JanesKettle · 19/11/2019 22:50

Hmm..that isn't exactly what I said though.

I'm disappointed with this thread; it doesn't read feminist to me.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 19/11/2019 22:53

So what did you mean then?
I was only using and going by the words you wrote.

RuffleCrow · 19/11/2019 23:01

Ghost, be that as it may you simply have no idea of the physical difference between a man beating a woman and a woman beating a woman. The damage done in the first instance is simply incomparable. Women are no match for men physically. That's the danger and should never be underestimated. Even the thinnest smallest weediest man i've ever met could beat the living crap out of the average sized woman with very little effort.

RuffleCrow · 19/11/2019 23:03

And

they know it + we know it = patriarchy

thatdamnwoman · 19/11/2019 23:06

Wow, this has been a very revealing thread.

I've posted in the past about going to a WPUK meeting and witnessing an admired local Labour activist and feminist with whom I and other lesbians have campaigned on many occasions get up and say 'I've never had much time for lesbians but now with all this transgender stuff going on I'm beginning to feel sorry for them.'

That was a real wake-up call. I'd foolishly assumed that feminists weren't homophobic. But some are, as evidenced here. And as for all the mothers who assume coupledom is the highest achievement...

Maybe we need a separate lesbian section of Mumsnet, where lesbians can discuss the things that matter to them without the background crackle of homophobia?

dadshere · 19/11/2019 23:07

RuffleCrow -- That is garbage. I have friends who do krav maga and they would beat the daylights out of most blokes. Men tend to be bigger and stronger than women, but women can also be very strong and can beat up other women

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 19/11/2019 23:12

I think it’s too simplistic to say feminists are homophobic. Some posters will have been drawn to this thread because of the heading, not because they’re feminists. I recognise some of the names as being posters that are as far from feminism as you can get but like to crawl through the feminist threads to prove how evil we all are. Some people are just homophobic wankers, no matter if they consider themselves feminists or not. Personally I don’t think someone is a true feminist, if they’re not supportive of their lesbian sisters. That’s the ones with the vaginas, in case if any doubts.

thatdamnwoman · 19/11/2019 23:20

I didn't say 'feminists are homophobic', I said:

I'd foolishly assumed that feminists weren't homophobic. But some are, as evidenced here.

Don't think the simplistic thinking is mine.

TheSandman · 19/11/2019 23:28

Why is it homophobic to say that children deserve to have a relationship with both parents?

I would guess it's how you define 'parent'. If you mean parent in the biological sense - gene donors - that every child deserves to have a relationship with it's biological father - then there are plenty of heterosexual couples with children who are not doing that.

Taken to it's logical conclusion you would have to DNA test every child as soon as they were born to make sure the male partner was the true biological parent - and if he wasn't, track down the real biological dad so the child can get the relationship it 'deserves' .

This is, obviously, bollocks.

And as for 'both parents'. 'Parents' are adults bringing up children. It's up to the family to define within itself who and how many.

My wife has three parents. She has two fathers. Her biological father and her Dad, her mother's second husband, who raised her from the age of 3 or so. They're all her parents. Not, I imagine, an uncommon situation.

TheSandman · 19/11/2019 23:33

oh, and to get back to the OP's OP. My daughter came out when she was 12 or so. I'd like to think she'll meet a nice woman get settled and have kids one day.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 19/11/2019 23:35

Sorry thatdamnwoman. I should have read that more closely. I meant no offence.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 19/11/2019 23:38

Ironically, I’m currently online talking to a sibling that I haven’t spoke to in over 30 years, because of our ‘Christian’ straight parents. Who happened to be two selfish bastards, one being an abuser and the other being an enabler. Yay, go straight parents! Hmm

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 19/11/2019 23:42

TheSandman

In the case of absent fathers I think that is very sad but I assume that it wasn't planned before the child was conceived. Even if parents aren't together the child should still have a relationship with both parents wherever possible and the courts agree with this.

Of course lesbian and gay people can be great parents but I think that any child should have a relationship with both biological parents.

My husband knows the name of his father but has never had a relationship with him and that devastates him to this day. He has a stepdad but he is very aware that there is someone missing.

Personally I don't think that prospective parents should choose to conceive a child that will never know it's other biological parent in childhood.

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