I hope my daughter is a lesbian.

[RhinoR]

She's 10.

She says she doesn't like boys. That one day she will get a girlfriend. She says she has a crush on a girl in her class.

This has me hoping she will indeed be gay.
From my own experiences to those I read daily about young women being abused, coerced and degraded by their partners I fear so much for my daughter going through such things.

Women aren't perfect of course, being gay won't protect her from heartbreak and maybe some abuse at the hands of her partner but I daresay I would sleep better at night.

Is that terrible of me?

As far as people's response being weird, I think its mostly that people are uncomfortable having a preference about this in their kids, and maybe especially relating it to such a statement from someone who is 10 though I suspect that was more a jumping off point for the OP.

I expect there are advantages and disadvantages and a lot might also depend on your personal situation. To me the main disadvantages to being a lesbian would be around parenthood.

Well Goosefoot, talking about playgrounds and decision making processes has moved the conversation completely off topic which isn't fair to the OP. I respectfully completely disagree with you on both points and I don't see the point in continuing the conversation because we clearly see the world very differently and are never going to agree on this. You seem dogmatic in your views, wanting to cast my view as 'wrong' and yours as 'right,' unable to accept that others can have a different world view. All the best to you.

are you suggesting that the rest of womenkind should just forget about their sexuality?

No - although I do consider heterosexuality, and straight women's knee jerk defence of it to be frequently at odds with the project of female liberation.

I'm straight, I've only ever had sexual relationships with men, and I don't think that means I'm immune from self-critiquing the effects of engaging so much of my life and energy with males.

Anyway. I suspected dd was a lesbian from the time she was around the OP's dd's age - obviously I didn't say anything to her, but she came out at 13, and yeah, I was happy for her. I am happy her orientation means she can give her life and energy to relationship with women/ a woman.

@Goosefoot it's true, becoming a parent is trickier as a lesbian and needs a whole lot of planning (and generally is expensive). But on the positive side lesbians have children who are very much wanted and planned - something many straight couples don't.

But those children are planned, in the case of sperm donation, to not know who their father is. I don't think any child should be conceived with the certainly that they will never know their father..

Of course, lots of children don't have contact with their father but that wasn't determined before they were ever conceived.

I don't think lesbian or gay relationships are necessarily less abusive.

Some of my gay friends say they are more volatile, flighty, less stable. Environment for just being casual, sleeping around, not sticking with a relationship when it goes through a rough patch, just jumping ship. On to the next relationship.

Before finally finding something stable.

Many 'celebrities' male and female have said their relationship history was exactly like the above.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras anonymous sperm donation is no longer legal in the UK. The donor must be open to contact when the child turns 18 (if the child wants that).

If all women become lesbian, what happens to all the boy children who will have no sexual future other than to be sperm donors?
Are you going to force them all to be gay?

@GladAllOver yes, thats exactly what will happen. Thank god you have pointed out this risk

AMillionMugsNoTeabags, you are worrying unduly. There are tribes of GC lesbians out there and the number's increasing every day as more and more men attempt to invade lesbian space. You won't be aware of where we are, what we do and the amazing friendship circles many of us have.

Just to give you an idea of where your daughter might start out to meet her tribe, here's a link to Lfest – although I notice that it's already sold out for next year. Pity, because it's been a great place for young women to meet each other and make friends over the years.

www.lfest.co.uk/

I could publicise other places and events but in the current climate it's best not to do so here. But they exist and if your daughter seeks she'll find.

If all women become lesbian, what happens to all the boy children who will have no sexual future other than to be sperm donors?

1.that will never happen

1. You don't become gay/bi you either are or aren't
2. Even if it was possible , is your question seriously what about the men and who will the poor lambs have sex with? Men don't have a right to sex, they definitely don't have the right to sex with a woman.

Why would every single woman on the planet suddenly 'become gay'. That's nonsensical

Someone upthread believes that you can't be a feminist heterosexual.

I never knew so many people on FWR thought being a lesbian was so shit!

I don't get treated any differently by society or if I do I'm oblivious to it.

That's great for you, Scarlett555 - I'm genuinely glad that some lesbians have had such an easy life and it does bode well for the future.

But I am surprised that it is genuinely news to you that lesbians have a hard time.

My experience resonates with Pimmsnlemonade's, and I would add that the combination of misogyny and homophobia hurts lesbians hugely. Lesbians also have a massive issue with being fetishised by men in my experience.

I came on here to say 'lols at lesbians having an easier life under the patriarchy'.

This whole conversation seems rather moot. You can't choose your sexuality so hoping for your child to have one sexuality over another is pointless and sets children up to have parents who are disappointed in them for something that they can't help. So it's no better than having homophobic parents from the child's perspective.

anonymous sperm donation is no longer legal in the UK. The donor must be open to contact when the child turns 18 (if the child wants that).

I don't happen to think that a child should have to wait until they're an adult before they can find out who their sperm donor is.

Every child deserves a father in their lives.

Men don't have a right to sex, they definitely don't have the right to sex with a woman.

This is true and women don't have the right to be mothers either.

I think you should stay as neutral as you possibly can. Are her choices being made from a positive place ie women are beautiful and I can't keep my hands off them, or a negative place ie men are terrifying and will harm me. If it negative then that is very sad at her age and you don't want her to make choices from a place of fear.

OP, I can honestly say that yours is the most batshit post I have read in a long time. Any relationship, gay or straight can be abusive. Wanting your daughter to have a specific sexual orientation is odd. It is not your job to decide this, it is your job to support her in whatever lifestyle she lives. I may be wrong but I didn't choose to be 'straight' it was part of my DNA, fairly certain that this is the same for other orientations too.

My friend had to help her friend leave a lesbian relationship because of emotional abuse so bad she developed a severe alcohol addiction.

This is sexist.

I never knew so many people on FWR thought being a lesbian was so shit!

I'm sorry but this is nonsense, if my daughter had been a lesbian it would not have made one jot of difference to me, it's having a preference about her sexuality that is shit, and disturbing to be honest.

I'm sorry but this is nonsense, if my daughter had been a lesbian it would not have made one jot of difference to me, it's having a preference about her sexuality that is shit, and disturbing to be honest.

People have preferences about all sorts of things in their children, starting with sex. I had a strong preference for girls, but I'm sure I would have been equally happy if I had had boys. I would be pretty happy if my DDs turned out to be gay for some of the reasons stated here, but will be equally happy if they are straight. I hope at least one of my DDs is a star football player so I can live vicariously through her, but will be equally happy if she's not! I don't think any of this is shit and disturbing, it's just human nature.

People have preferences about all sorts of things in their children, starting with sex. I had a strong preference for girls, but I'm sure I would have been equally happy if I had had boys. I would be pretty happy if my DDs turned out to be gay for some of the reasons stated here, but will be equally happy if they are straight

But surely if you would be equally as happy for your children to be ALL these things then you don't have a preference. Unlike the OP who would prefer her daughter to be a lesbian.

Both heterosexuality and homosexuality are unknowns as to the future of OP's DD. One of them though,statistically puts her more at risk . Is it that absurd that OP has a preference for the "safer" one ,especially since at the moment it can look like it might be an actual possibility.

Every child deserves a father in their lives.

Why exactly?

What is preferable about having a mum and a dad over two mums or two dads?

Looking at the relationship boards do you think the kids 'deserve' some of the selfish, misogynist, abusive, manchild fathers described on there or do think perhaps they might be better off with two loving same sex parents?

Personally, I think the ideal is having a mum and a dad, your biological parents.

If that isn't possible then it's better to have people who love you but I don't think it's right to create a child knowing that's what's going to happen.

I think every child deserves to have a relationship with their biological parents, throughout their lives, unless that is impossible due to death or abuse.

I don't think saying they can have contact at 18 is the same at all