I hope my daughter is a lesbian.

[RhinoR]

She's 10.

She says she doesn't like boys. That one day she will get a girlfriend. She says she has a crush on a girl in her class.

This has me hoping she will indeed be gay.
From my own experiences to those I read daily about young women being abused, coerced and degraded by their partners I fear so much for my daughter going through such things.

Women aren't perfect of course, being gay won't protect her from heartbreak and maybe some abuse at the hands of her partner but I daresay I would sleep better at night.

Is that terrible of me?

Mine is, and like you, OP, I felt happy.

I am happy she gets to live a female-centred life.

I am happy she gets to live a female-centred life

Each to their own but I for one am more for a balance, surely that's more healthy....

Plenty of us go through having relationships with males with not a single bad experience though.

This isn't true!! I'm sure some women have that experience, but plenty? Unsure if you have very low standards, or are exceptionally lucky, or just oblivious to women's experiences or what.

What about her sons or yours

I mean if she goes on to have a son.

Being told by society that your sexuality is normal

agree, I was raised to understand that being gay is abnormal, immoral and disgusting

• Seeing frequent positive representations of your sexuality in the media and role models in real life

Agree, very few characters on TV are good role models, tend to be criminals, people who can’t form relationships etc

• Not having internalised disgust at yourself because your sexuality is wrong

People who don’t experience this have no idea how much this impacts on everything you do. I had no idea what gay meant as a young child, but I knew from being in primary school that it was bad and disgusting because of what other kids said. Realising I was gay was possibly the worst moment of my life, and I’ve experienced some really awful things. My son is four, he regularly got called gay boy at nursery, it has also happened in reception. There is only one place most of those children are hearing that

• Not having to keep your sexuality secret because you fear people's reactions

Yep, ah, good old section 28 was fun at school

• Not being disowned by family or friends for your sexuality

I haven’t seen my Mum or her side of the family since I was 17, I haven’t seen my Dad or his side of the family since the penny dropped when I was 23

• Not being bullied or ostracised by other girls because of your sexuality

I’m very good at blending in, avoiding this from other lads was luckily easy for me, being a rugby prop helped

• Not having your sexuality disrespected, told that your 'genital preferences' are immoral or bigoted and that you just need someone of the same sex to 'sort you out'

Yep, familiar

-Not being encouraged to think that you are really the opposite sex and undergo harmful medical treatment because girls don't think and feel like you do

Yet to meet anyone who has experienced the above

• Not being harassed at work because of your sexual orientation

I have openly homophobic colleagues

• Being able to easily meet with other people - including potential partners - with the same sexual orientation and not being attacked for being exclusionary for doing so

Yep, sadly gay bars are now an attraction, a few round here have had to ban all hen parties due to problems a small minority were causing

• Not having to even think about whether it's safe to walk down the street holding hands with your partner and not to face attacks for doing so

Done it twice, the first time ended with verbal abuse, the second with broken ribs and a black eye

• To be able to visit any country in the world without thinking about what risk your sexuality will present

I remember a fairly scary stop over, to the point where we even travelled separately.

It can be a lot worse for gay women compared to gay men as sadly lesbianism is often seen as a phase rather than someones permanent sexuality.

This isn't true!! I'm sure some women have that experience, but plenty? Unsure if you have very low standards, or are exceptionally lucky, or just oblivious to women's experiences or what
No, I don't have "very low standards" - I've been in a relationship and married for approx 20 years now - plenty of good male role models growing up to as have a lot of Uncles (actual uncles before anyone starts lol) and friends with males too.
You shouldn't just blanket "hope no-one has a relationship with them, bring on female centric!" as it should be a balance of both imo (obviously if you are abusive this doesn't apply to you whatever sex, stay away....)

@SimonJT

My only concern about my daughter being gay would be the pressure she might be put under to accept trans people with penis as her ‘lesbian’ partners, otherwise she’ll be considered a transphobe. It’s such a difficult time for young women at the minute. No matter her path in life and her sexuality, I’m sure you’ll be a good support to her OP.

Most kids at that age don't like boys. It's totally normal but why encourage her to sway a particular way? I find that to be bad parenting.
To make the assumption she'll have a hard time with men is just ridiculous. With respect, I have two lesbian friends who are totally fucked up, their relationships with women are always dysfunctional. I cannot imagine why anyone would hope for their child to sway anyway in particular but to just support them through whatever they're going through.
If she says she hates boys, the right reply is not hate anyone and ask her if any boy has upset her not encourage her to go the opposite way. If anything, you're making her a man hater which quite frankly is just pathetic.

OP may be shocked to hear that there is a fair amount of domestic violence in lesbian relationships.

So its ok with accepting begrudgingly that your child is gay, but not ok to think actually it would probably save her from a lot of mens bullshit if she was?

So its ok with accepting begrudgingly that your child is gay
Who anywhere has said they begrudgingly accept their child as gay? (No seriously, missed that post as so)

but not ok to think actually it would probably save her from a lot of mens bullshit if she was?
There's a lot of women's bullshit out there too, why should they be left to stand just because we're all meant to stand together cos sistahood?

@ukgift2016 I hope they're 'girls' your child knows and you're not letting your 7 year old chat to strangers online..

Sure theres womens bullshit too. Thats pretty much what my mum told me to try and put me off when I tried to talk to her about thinking I was gay in my late teens.
Womens bullshit is statistically less life endangering though isnt it

I know several lesbian couples and lots of heterosexual couples and without exception all the lesbian couples are far more equal and the partners seem to respect each other far more. Even in the best heterosexual couples there is an imbalance in the amount of housework / childcare / mental load such that the woman always does far more - there are different degrees of this and different degrees of the disrespect the men hold their wives in (expecting someone, when you're an adult, to do all your shitwork is disrespectful). Men just don't think it's their job it seems, I think this is societal.

So, it has crossed my mind that it would be better to be married to another woman rather than a man. But obviously you'd have to put up with a lot more shit and discrimination to get to that point of being married and even then you'd have discrimination to face and the problem of being 'different' from the norm.

There's that statistic isn't there that men are happier when married and women are happier when single - which is presumably based on a sample of mostly heterosexual people. I wonder if that holds true for gay and lesbian relationships? Would be interesting to know.

Womens bullshit is statistically less life endangering though isnt it

Oh FFS, this is where we differ....... why do you (general you) hear man and automatically think life endangering?
Yes, men statistically have a higher violence rate than women.
Can't argue with that.
Since when does that move from a "must stay away from all as they're men and likely to attack us" though which comes across in some of the posts?

OP may be shocked to hear that there is a fair amount of domestic violence in lesbian relationships.

But considerably less physical violence than in heterosexual relationships, vastly less sexual violence, and even the physical violence is orders of magnitude less likely to end in murder than in a heterosexual domestic abuse situation.

(Worth noting that statistics about violence in lesbian relationships aren't particularly reliable but murder is by far the most objective measure of violent crime rates.)

Since when does that move from a "must stay away from all as they're men and likely to attack us" though which comes across in some of the posts?

If you want to lower your risk of being murdered, raped or abused, minimising your contact with men is the best practical strategy to accomplish that. If you want your daughter not to be murdered, raped, abused or exploited by sexual partners, then being happy she's only going to have female partners is rational. Yes of course it could still happen, there is really need to constantly keep saying that, but it minimises the risk.

If you want to lower your risk of being murdered, raped or abused, minimising your contact with men is the best practical strategy to accomplish that

See. that's a black and white paranoid road I'm not going down.
Minimising contact with men and shying away due to past experiences/fearing because they're men they're bound to abuse at some point as it's apparently statistically the norm or whatever?
It wouldn't wash in other scenarios so why does it here for men for some?

I'm old enough to remember boys in my teens/early 20 asking before kissing me.
My DDS generation is different.Talking about boundaries,who wants to talk to their daughter about porn and anal sex and to find out that she knows all about it because 2 friends have needed hospital admissions!
And at school we all knew that the boys thought of nothing but sex but they didn't talk about what they wanted to do to certain girls and discuss them in details on the school bus in front of other girls.Some of DDS of accounts of the way they objectify women is scary.
I tell her there are nice men out there,she doesn't believe me.
So yes I understand where the OP is coming from.
My DD is 16.

*See. that's a black and white paranoid road I'm not going down.

Well, it's not paranoid given that it's the literal truth. And it's a statement about risk reduction which is the opposite of black and white thinking.

But carry on being dismissive to women, it seems to be your hobby.

But carry on being dismissive to women, it seems to be your hobby

See. that's a black and white paranoid road I'm not going down.
Minimising contact with men and shying away due to past experiences/fearing because they're men they're bound to abuse at some point as it's apparently statistically the norm or whatever?
It wouldn't wash in other scenarios so why does it here for men for some?

Lots of women have PTSD from having experienced domestic abuse from men. The thought of dating men after going through that can be absolutely terrifying, and understandably so. With two women a week killed in the UK by a (male) partner or former (male) partner, it makes perfect sense to avoid dating men completely.

Lots of women have PTSD from having experienced domestic abuse from men. The thought of dating men after going through that can be absolutely terrifying, and understandably so. With two women a week killed in the UK by a (male) partner or former (male) partner, it makes perfect sense to avoid dating men completely

OK, fair enough, can see that
but to me also makes as much sense as saying you've had bad past experiences with women so they all need to be stayed away from as a result