Do women have the right to say they feel uncomfortable over a name?

[SarahNade]

I hope this is as safe place to ask this. I am on a discussion on another thread, and it seems many think that a woman has no right to ask not to be addressed by a colloquial term, and if she does ask, she is the one being unreasonable for daring to stick her neck out, she is the one overreacting, for merely asking. Yet the male who went politely asked, gets offended that a woman dares utter her discomfort, and gets abusive with her. So why is it the woman who is 'overreacting' by merely asking not to be called something, but the man is not seen as overreacting by taking offence to her request and getting indignant?

Do women have the right to ask politely not be called something, without being told they are 'overreacting'? Or should women accept being called a term they don't like, shut up and put up with it in case she gets the male in trouble?

Who do you think you are? Some people really have high opinions of themselves. It’s a delivery driver, he prob has 1000s parcels to deliver and as it’s getting closer to Xmas more stress on his plate. A person like that doesn’t need to be patronised or lectured about calling people ‘love’ or ‘dear’ some people are offended over everything and it’s not feminism or sticking up for women’s rights in this instant it’s about having self importance and being as one would put it “up yourself” If in an office environment a worker was deliberately doing it to belittle you that is a different story. If someone on the street was swearing at you that’s a different story. But a stressed over worked delivery driver saying love or pet or bab I mean what’s the problem?

Ah dreichdrizzle, your status as lower class is probably why you think all men have power over all women. Because that is true of you and where you are in the status hierarchy. But if you were Meghan Markle, you would realise that most of the male population are beneath you in status and power.

Colonialism? Hahahaha. I am literally cackling with this thread.

You seem to be trying to impose your culture on to this thread and on to the OP of the other thread. On your terms that is very naughty. Shouldn’t you stop?

How about in France though? How do you feel about strange men calling you cherie?

No, I don’t think it is. Men have power over women because they are prepared to use violence and threats against us or to benefit from other men’s violence and threats. Male violence is the foundation of our society, it would be organised very differently if they didn’t use it.

But thanks for putting me in my place by telling me my views are mistaken because of my low social status. That’s a piece of egregious classism right there. Clearly as you have a higher social status than me you are able to judge relations between men and women much more accurately than I ever will be able to.

@BertrandRussell
My apologies. I do not think I said I know British culture better than you and I did not mean to give you that impression. I have been expressing an opinion that is in agreement with many many other British posters on here.

My opinion is based on having lived in the U.K. in a region in which locals used those terms daily. I thought it would be interesting to share an outsider view on this also because the scenario’s OP might have been Canadian, as in nonBritish and experiencing culture shock.

Ah right. You don’t understand intersectionality, either. Would you like me to explain that as well?

I’ve never liked it because it feels a bit condescending but I’ve never complained because one doesn’t like to sound like a feminazi.

However I did once object to this guy from the US who called me “baby” about 10 times in the space of 2 minutes.

He told me that I was wrong to take offence because women from the US loved it.

That’s when I learnt that women are a monolith and are not to have their individual opinions.

And that all women are supposed to hold the same opinion as the ones whose opinions are least uncomfortable for the men involved.

@dreichdrizzle
I have not said my class. Why do you assume mine is higher than yours?

I agree Plan and Ciara. Is there no space for nuance and context here? I grew up in the south and moved to the north and there were differences in how men address women in these scenarios. I take it as context/culture, rather like local dialect and vocabulary. I don't feel at all offended or assume this is sexism. It's just like 'mate' or 'pal' and to challenge would be making all sorts of rather pompous assumptions about meaning.

@BertrandRussell
I do understand intersectionality. But if you have a desire to lecture the thread, feel free to do so. I sadly, will not be reading it unless it is en francais

Cameron's 'calm down dear' is very different from 'can you sign here pet?' isn't it?

I can't really advise but it simply isn't important to.me and so not something I give much thought to.

That's why you can't stop arguing about it, then? Because it isn't important to you and you don't give much thought to it? Seems an odd way to express that.

Thank you @Coldwatershock
Regions, context and nuance are very important.

Because you’re telling me my views are mistaken because of my low social status. Clearly we don’t share the same status otherwise you’d be accusing yourself as being wrong too.

The thread starts 'Do women have the right...?' If course you have the right to ask men not to use those terms just as you have the right to correct 'misgendering' or the spelling or pronunciation of your name. I have an unusual name and usually don't bother correct people as it doesn't really matter and people in many service roles have difficult enough jobs without me fussing over my particular sensitivities. So go ahead and correct them but not everyone will think this legitimate or important.

It’s interesting to see what threads on FWR bring out a certain type of posting view. The more insistence that women are wrong and that we must ignore our own experience of how this kind of thing goes, the more it seems we’ve uncovered quite a vital mechanism of men’s misogynist status quo. A mechanism that needs dismantling.

Because you’re telling me my views are mistaken because of my low social status. Clearly we don’t share the same status otherwise you’d be accusing yourself as being wrong too.

No, I did not say that. I said that your view that all men have power over all women is true for where you are in the hierarchy. Your view is not mistaken, but is only true because of where you are. If you moved up in class, you would then see and experience the additional status and power which comes with that over everyone a lower class to you.

“ I do understand intersectionality.”

You obviously don’t. Your remarks about the relative power of Meghan Markle and men in society at large show that clearly..

Did you just demand another poster on a UK forum addresses you in French before you’ll read her argument Plan? Isn’t that a little ‘colonialist’?

“ I said that your view that all men have power over all women is true for where you are in the hierarchy.“
Still not understanding intersectionality.

Clearly we don’t share the same status otherwise you’d be accusing yourself as being wrong too.

That is an assumption on your part because you are not acknowledging the differences in power and status of class as it intersects with sex as the variables of both class and sex change. Who has power and status over who becomes more complex than A always has power and higher status over B.

No Plan, I said men have power over all women, not just me. And you are saying I’m wrong about that because of my low social status.

I’m not wrong. Women face misogyny and violence from men at every level of society. They exert power over us whatever their social status and whatever ours is. I wonder why you don’t know this. It’s a bit of a mystery.

Very interesting reading posters who are adamant that any man addressing a woman as "love" I doing it in order to belittle whilst then seeking to belittle and be condescending to other posters based on their nationality. I wonder what that's called?

, I said men have power over all women, not just me

Which is utter codswallop.

Every man does not have power over all women.