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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Do women have the right to say they feel uncomfortable over a name?

553 replies

SarahNade · 09/11/2019 13:54

I hope this is as safe place to ask this. I am on a discussion on another thread, and it seems many think that a woman has no right to ask not to be addressed by a colloquial term, and if she does ask, she is the one being unreasonable for daring to stick her neck out, she is the one overreacting, for merely asking. Yet the male who went politely asked, gets offended that a woman dares utter her discomfort, and gets abusive with her. So why is it the woman who is 'overreacting' by merely asking not to be called something, but the man is not seen as overreacting by taking offence to her request and getting indignant?

Do women have the right to ask politely not be called something, without being told they are 'overreacting'? Or should women accept being called a term they don't like, shut up and put up with it in case she gets the male in trouble?

OP posts:
Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 09/11/2019 22:36

Call me it if you like. I have zero fucks to give.

StopThePlanet · 09/11/2019 22:36

CarolCutrere

I don't need your permission to post.

No one said you did. Project much?

CarolCutrere · 09/11/2019 22:37

Actually Carol the thread is not supposed to be about another thread (against guidelines). This thread's question wasDo women have the right to say they feel uncomfortable over a name?...

Actually Stop the points you introduced are irrelevant to this thread. The examples you gave are not "calling someone a name" but examples of abusive behaviour. No sane or reasonable person could expect no objection to be taken to them.

The OP said and it seems many think that a woman has no right to ask not to be addressed by a colloquial term, and if she does ask, she is the one being unreasonable for daring to stick her neck out The examples you give are not "colloquial terms" - they are unqualified abuse. They are clearly horrible and wrong but are not actually what the topic of this thread is.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 09/11/2019 22:37

I kind of think there's a world of difference between calling someone love and cunt though.

If I call someone love in church I'm unlikely to give the vicar a heart attack, cunt on the other hand ...

WhiskeyLullaby · 09/11/2019 22:38

Oh yeah sorry it was someone else that protested to that. I'll blame it on being tired and similar posting styles between you and that poster.

CarolCutrere · 09/11/2019 22:40

Feel free to pontificate and debate about delivery dude

This comment from you Stop and your follow up are hilarious in the context of whether men make patronising comments.

StopThePlanet · 09/11/2019 22:45

CarolCutrere

Reading comp fail on your part. Those abusive phrases were to give context to why I refuse being called baby, honey, sweetie, etc. (equal to your "love" or "cunt" or "cock" from what I gather) and ties into my earlier post as well as leads into refusal to 'be nice' and kind outside of my own subjective perspective.

Your attack focus is weak grasshopper.

Try again.

Driechdrizzle · 09/11/2019 22:50

"A customer who is abusive deserves to be called abusive"

A customer who asks a delivery driver not to call her "love" is not abusive.

A man who gets angry when asked not to call a female customer "love" is abusive.

He was way out of line.

Driechdrizzle · 09/11/2019 22:51

I'd still like the "Be kind" brigade to comment on this man's anger.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 09/11/2019 22:53

A customer who asks a delivery driver not to call her "love" is not abusive.

Depends how she asked him not to call her love though doesn't it? Plenty of ways that she could have said it that would have been abusive.

A man who gets angry when asked not to call a female customer "love" is abusive.

He was way out of line.

Who said he was angry? He accused her of being abusive. Why is that him getting angry?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 09/11/2019 22:55

I'd still like the "Be kind" brigade to comment on this man's anger.

Give me an example of his anger and I will comment on it.

StopThePlanet · 09/11/2019 22:56

CarolCutrere

The only patronizing thing I've said was Your attack focus is weak grasshopper. Try again. It was tongue-in-cheek.

Anything else you incorrectly surmise by 'reading between the lines' as patronizing says everything about you and nothing about me.

Your projection is big but my bandwidth/screen for it is microscopic.

WhiskeyLullaby · 09/11/2019 22:57

When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep.

Driechdrizzle · 09/11/2019 22:59

Right here, hearhooves. She made a simple request on how she'd like to be addressed and he massively escalated the situation:

When I said “please don’t call me love” he accused me of abusing him on the doorstep

Driechdrizzle · 09/11/2019 23:01

Abusive men see women who set boundaries as being abusive. It's their sense of entitlement that gets in the way of reality,

Driechdrizzle · 09/11/2019 23:02

But if you want me to be more specific, I'd like the "be kind" brigade to comment on the delivery man calling his customer "abusive".

Was he being kind?

StopThePlanet · 09/11/2019 23:03

Abusive men see women who set boundaries as being abusive. It's their sense of entitlement that gets in the way of reality

Very concise and accurate! 👏

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 09/11/2019 23:05

But how is that him getting angry? He said she was being abusive - why is that him getting angry?

It might be a case of him over reacting or being dramatic possibly, depending on what the op said or how she said it but why angry particularly?

Driechdrizzle · 09/11/2019 23:09

Hmmm, you're right. It's not angry, it's aggressive. Much worse.

Driechdrizzle · 09/11/2019 23:09

Thanks for getting me to interrogate my assumptions.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 09/11/2019 23:18

Why is it aggressive?

So anyone saying that a behaviour is abusive is automatically being aggressive are they?

For all you know the delivery driver weighed 7 stone and was being faced by op and her husband, both built like brick shit houses and their dogs Lucifer and Satan, and called them abusive as he ran back to his van crying.

But no. He was a man and so therefore anything that left his mouth was by default both sexist and aggressive.

WhiskeyLullaby · 09/11/2019 23:25

Can anyone else hear the world's smallest violin playing?

StopThePlanet · 09/11/2019 23:31

😭 the poor understood marginalized oppressed men, won't someone think of them?!?!? 😭

Jux · 09/11/2019 23:33

I do think that we each have the right to ask not to called something we don't want to be called. All of us, male or female, by male or female, wherever, whenever for any reason.

For someone to be offended by it, argue about it, ignore it, protest against it, or become accusatory is the height of disrespect.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 09/11/2019 23:41

For someone to be offended by it, argue about it, ignore it, protest against it, or become accusatory is the height of disrespect.

But he didn't ignore it, or at least the op didn't report that he continued after she had asked him to stop.

He accused the op and then her husband of being abusive, which they may or may not have been and it may or may not have been connected to her asking him to stop calling her love.

It just seems quite unbelievable that she was being arsey about the substitution and insisting that she had something provided for Sunday lunch and that teh thing that he took offence at was a polite "please don't call me love". Seems like there's pertinent parts of the tale being left out for some reason.

According to her op she was complaining about the duck substitution, insisting that she must have something to roast on Sunday and this somehow became the delivery driver's job to solve - maybe his accusation of them being abusive related to the whole interaction rather than just the "don't call me love" comment?