They them pronouns

[Yeahnahyeah]

So I just watched a you tube video by a non binary blue haired person who was reporting on her pride parade experience. This person uses they/them pronouns.

They spent well over ten minutes complaning that wherever they went that day (watching the parade, coffee, meeting friends) sooo many people did not use the correct they/them pronouns; it was constant, and offensive, etc etc.

The thing is, I only very rarely hear my pronouns used. (She/her ). I find it hard to believe this person heard them so many times over a few hours, so I'm calling it out.

How often do you hear your pronouns on an average day?

And I feel really stupid and a bit resentful that I have had to use 'they' throughout this post, or do the rules on here not extend to they/them?

Naww crap, I used a 'she'. Was trying so hard too.

I agree - and generally if you hear someone saying 'she / her' about you whilst you are in earshot isn't that considered rude anyway??

Ie 'who's she? The cat's mother?'

How often do you hear your pronouns on an average day?

I don't have pronouns, the third person pronouns others use about me belong to them not me.

Having got the nitpicking out of the way the answer to your question is zero that I'm aware of.

It probably isn't zero in reality but I just don't notice. People generally use you/youse to my face, and if I am mentioned in the third person it pretty much passes me by. But I don't go through life thinking me, me, me, ME, ME. I imagine most people don't really give me a second thought. I'm not that special, and neither is anyone else.

The only thing i can think of is when either my friends and i are teasing each other or the children are complaining about something ive said

Maybe a shop I suppose...but that would usually be ‘the customer’

Its possibly because i was taught that she was rude...as in ‘she’s the cats mother ‘ I generally use names

But a very few times I would have thought...i could probably go a whole day without hearing she or her or they or him or he (just to cover everything

Oh gosh crossed with fusion

I'm not that special, and neither is anyone else

How very dare you...I’m well special

My mummy told me so

As a linguist the pronoun thing really annoys me! I think it is especially worrying that "wrong pronouning " is considered to be a hate crime. A lot of people find it difficult - and it is difficult cognitively- to use pronouns which are not what they would usually use! And don't get me started on when you speak two or more languages! I think this is just another way of shutting women up!

Surely when speaking directly to a person you use their name or "you"?

Oh to have the time for such navel gazing as this hard done by blue haired one.

I rarely hear she or her. I did get called a boy once, while wearing my son's raincoat with the hood up, but resisted the urge to turn around and scream "It's Ma'am" or "You misgendered me, have you got the number for West Yorkshire Police?"

How very dare you

Apologies. I'm not that special, and neither is anyone else, with the exception of Rufus who is well special.

YY to being brought up that using'she' to describe someone was considered very rude.
To say that about someone to their face would have earnt me a stern rebuke from my Granny.

Thank you arnold

I don't have pronouns, the third person pronouns others use about me belong to them not me.

My bad, I even thought it didn't sound right when typing it.

My whole post was hard to write. It reminds me of that test where you have to read out colours written in different colours. I'd post a photo but don't know how. It's called The Stroop Effect.

The Stroop Test (and the resultingStroop Effect, which is the name given to the experience of an individual who takes the test) shows that our brains process seemingly conflicting information differently than they process more straightforward information.

I can't think of many times I would use a pronoun directly to someone.
It feels false. If you don't know someone and it's clear they are GNC I would simply stick with something neutral until I knew their name.
Perhaps the blue haired brigade simply don't understand why this feels odd to many other people.

It was mostly the false victimhood narrative that pissed me off.

Pronouns only come yoo when talking about someone to a third party. I can't believe that happens very often in a normal day.
For example, in a coffee shop the barista might say "what can I get you?", "that's £3.50" and "thanks very much".
I suppose its possible that they might say to a colleague "can you make her coffee" or another customer might ask a child to "move over so the lady can come by" but I cant see that sort of thing happening multiple times in a day.
And even if it did, if you look outwardly female how is a barista in a coffee shop supposed to know your preferred pronouns? Maybe they could wear a badge?

'She? She? My pronouns are they you fucking cunt.'

Oh my days.

Nope, when you're interacting with people irl you rarely hear yourself addressed in the third person.

You're right about the Stroop effect, and it can be particularly problematic for some people. Personally I don't find 'they' too difficult because it's commonly used as a neutral if you're talking about a person of unknown sex, rather than the awkward and unpronounceable s/he.

Maybe they could wear a badge?

Oh believe me, this person was wearing a badge

I realised recently that I was told off as a child far more often for saying 'she' than 'he' ("Who's she? The cat's mother?") so 'she' was considered ruder than 'he'. I think using the name the first time then pronoun afterwards is acceptable. It's stuff native speakers learn very early on and it's well-nigh impossible to change later in life as it's hard-wired by then.

You may hear yourself referred to, which needs pronouns but it's not often, in my life, anyway. As in a shop, one assistant to another 'this customer says she bought these yesterday & they're out of date'.

However, I shall attempt to count pronoun use today and report back.

I identify as a Ms
Some kids call me Miss, some grown up assume I'm a Mrs. If people ask I say it's Ms.
I don't ever get worked up about it because life is too short.

Those who seek offense will find it.

Who's she? The cats mother?

Classic line in old school how not to be rude.

Needs an update.

Who's they? The cats non binary parent?

Interesting that pp have all said "who's she? The cat's mother?" I always heard it as "Who's she? The cat's aunt?"

Miss, Mrs, Mr etc are honorifics, not pronouns. So if I call a female “Miss” when asking them something in day to day life, eg “What can I get you, Miss?” I am
mis-honorificking* someone, not misgendering them. Another example of the stupidity around this subject.

*I hereby lay claim to the invention of this word.

Just objectively speaking, probably more than you’d think actually and it’s not necessarily rude either. Eg if I am at work chatting to someone in the office, I might say ‘oh, Lindsay said she experienced that issue too, didn’t you, Lindsay?’ while Lindsay was present and there is nothing rude about it. Saying ‘she’ is only rude if you don’t use the person’s name at all eg ‘she is going to take the notes for this meeting’ accompanied with a gesture when the person is sitting there is rude whereas ‘Emma has agreed that she will take the notes and we’re very grateful to her’ is fine if Emma is there.

BUT the point is that it requires quite a bit of mental effort to use pronouns that don’t come naturally like they/them so you can’t get too angry if people don’t quite manage it.