They them pronouns

[Yeahnahyeah]

So I just watched a you tube video by a non binary blue haired person who was reporting on her pride parade experience. This person uses they/them pronouns.

They spent well over ten minutes complaning that wherever they went that day (watching the parade, coffee, meeting friends) sooo many people did not use the correct they/them pronouns; it was constant, and offensive, etc etc.

The thing is, I only very rarely hear my pronouns used. (She/her ). I find it hard to believe this person heard them so many times over a few hours, so I'm calling it out.

How often do you hear your pronouns on an average day?

And I feel really stupid and a bit resentful that I have had to use 'they' throughout this post, or do the rules on here not extend to they/them?

Just ran this past my DD (age 12). She was totally shocked when I told her using pronouns in front of someone was considered rude by my generation and could have earned you a tap on the mouth from a grumpy Granny.
Further shocked when I also pointed out no one has the right to police how I speak about them in their absence either as compelled speech is an infringement of my human rights.

Beamur it’s not considered rude and never was. Only if you didn’t use the name. As in ‘ask her (pointing) if she would like a cup of tea’ is rude but ‘why don’t you ask Auntie Jane if she’d like a cup of tea’ is decidedly not rude and never has been. No wonder your daughter was confused.
We use gendered pronouns all the time when we talk to people. Not one to one but as soon as there are more than two people talking, there is a real chance that they will be used.

My mother used to teach me not to use pronouns around people anyway. Loosely she would reply "she stands in the stable and does moo".

I think these people suffer greatly in terms of psychological well-being. They look for perceived offences so that they confirm how oppressed they are.

Can’t be arsed to watch the video but unless this person was right in the middle of a Pride Float wearing or doing something amazing, why is anyone else going to be looking at them or talking about them anyway?

Are people maybe imagining/hoping that they are being talked about by others, a lot more than is actually happening?

I do mean that kindly. One of the things you learn when you get older is nobody is really looking or caring what others are doing that much (especially when it’s a bunch of strangers watching a parade FFS)

Could this be that (specifically adolescent) kind of self consciousness combined with that (specifically adolescent) black and white thinking and self righteousness, that most people will grow out of, and be glad to have done?

Perhaps the relationship between anonymous woman and cat was a regional thing?

Some kids call me Miss, some grown up assume I'm a Mrs. If people ask I say it's Ms.
I don't ever get worked up about it because life is too short.

I'm Scottish, if I got worked up about people who are, or think they are, younger than me calling me Mrs I'd have died of a stroke aged 20.

No, I think the cats mother was fairly widespread. I heard it too. But it’s not said when someone uses pronouns full stop but when they fail to use the name at all. See the examples given above.

Or did you get told off for saying things like ‘Mum, Annie has invited me to her birthday party’? Would that have been seen as rude and would you have been expected to say ‘Annie has invited me to Annie’s birthday party’ or would you have been required to say to Annie- ‘Annie, can you tell my mum that you have invited me to your party because it’s rude if I say it’?

*am
mis-honorificking someone,

Horrific mis-honorificking

Pota
That is what I meant.

I meant whether she's the cat's mother or aunt...

Beamur but then we agree that people DO tend to hear their gendered pronouns quite a lot on a daily basis and there is nothing rude or strange about it as others have suggested on here. It’s like saying it’s rude to say someone’s name or something.

I agree. She/her tends to get used outside of ear shot for us mere mortals. I can understand celebrities have to sit and listen to introductions about themselves before interviews or perhaps when others are giving reviews. So getting animated about pronouns in that situation seems more legitimate

Personally I like to hear bitch as my pronoun. Bitch wants to see a manager. Bitch said there’s a problem with this blue hair dye etc. Makes me feel warm inside.

On reflection, pota2 is right about those constructs involving third person pronouns being quite common. We simply don't notice them - whether saying or hearing them - because they are nearly always congruent.

I think the whole thing about gender is brought about because society and patriarchy has made ‘she’ mean something to some people that they don’t like. But the only real solution can be to change the underlying meaning, not the language. Even if you use they pronouns, you will still get treated a certain way if you are perceived to be female. Enforcing your pronouns doesn’t liberate you.

"My prounouns are" as a statement/command represents a fundamental misunderstanding of how language works.

When people as whether I'm, " Mrs, Miss or Ms?", I usually respond, "Whatever; I'm not bothered".

At the end of the day does it really matter? One's sense of self and identity should not be so fragile as to have to rest on labels and titles.

ask

Well, were They walking around telling everyone they spoke to, that THEY wanted to be referred to as THEY? No I doubt it.
If anyone refers to me as "they" instead of "she" or "her" I am going to be offended because I am a woman and wish to me referred to using female pronouns.
Honestly what a load of shite. It doesn't even make sense. Sometimes "they" or "them" doesn't even fit in the sentence, you have to use "it", which I'm guessing they would find offensive.

It's fairly standard for pupils to call female teachers 'Miss'- whatever her marital/personal status.

It doesn't matter.

Just I get very pissed off by titles though and think it is hideously sexist that women have three depending on marital status when men have just one. I loathe it. I have a gender-neutral title now (Dr) but one thing that is guaranteed to get me enraged is if people tell me that it doesn’t matter and not to make a fuss. Yes, it does matter and it just demonstrates the disgusting sexism in society that continues. I appreciate it’s not pronouns but it is something where something seemingly trivial is enraging to me.

Just I get very pissed off by titles though and think it is hideously sexist that women have three depending on marital status when men have just one. I loathe it

I did when I was younger.....but I'm no longer personally aggrieved by it. I know who and what I am, and am secure in that.

I dislike titles generally. I really don't see the point of them. If asked I always say I prefer mistress. No one will ever accept my preference (and it really is my preference) the mis-honourificking bastards.

Just also angry about the fact that female teachers are Miss, a term used for a young girl and probably reflective of the fact that married women were not allowed to be teachers in the past. Whereas male teachers are Sir, a term of reverence and respect. I think language does matter. Things like this reinforce women’s low status continuously.

Arnold yup and also all three titles Miss, Mrs and Ms are short forms of Mistress- ie the same word! But we have to be distinguished by our marital relationships.

And Just I know who I am personally. I just don’t like the fact that it’s legitimate for the outside world to continuously ask me whether or not I am married just because I happen to have been born with a vagina, when the same treatment is never used for men.

Just also angry about the fact that female teachers are Miss....

Yes, but with time you'll probably chill out a bit......

I quite liked being called 'Miss" when I taught.

I also used to teach at a school in which all female staff where referred to as 'Madam' by the pupils. It was a quirk of the idiosyncratic head teacher. He also used, personally, to refer to all female staff as 'Sister'.
It was a catholic school.