Kink shaming

[Pota2]

www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/the-porn-you-watch-shouldnt-be-kink-shamed/11453254

The danger with this is, if anything goes in terms of fantasies, how can we legitimately separate this from e.g. fantasies about children? If it’s cool to fantasise about rape and abuse, how can it not be cool to fantasise about a 9 year old child being abused or an animal being abused? I know that those who defend the ‘anything goes’ attitude will say ‘of course there is a difference’ but I can’t really see one, unless you are suggesting that rape is not as morally reprehensible or something (in which case, why isn’t it?).

This won’t end well. Sexual fantasies should be held to the same level of scrutiny as other fantasies or thoughts. If you get off on being violent to another person, you’re still a violent person. You don’t get a get out of jail free card because you say it gives you a hard-on.

www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/the-porn-you-watch-shouldnt-be-kink-shamed/11453254

Ergh, I judge the shit out of anyone who gets off on watching someone else being abused. She should definately be ashamed.

As for insest porn that really should remain a taboo, pervy step parents should not be encouraged.

Leaving aside the ethics of porn and its variations, no one would ever be kink shamed by anyone if they just kept it to their selves.

Sarah admits that she doesn't readily share the kind of porn she's into with others, saying she understands why people would kink-shame her.

Why does “Sarah” think people want to hear it? I would bet the majority of people aren’t “kink shaming”, they’re just fed up with being exposed to way too much narcissism from a person. Just shut the fuck up! I don’t want to hear or see anything about your sex life, and if your “kink” is to tell people who aren’t interested, then I will definitely shame you for that.

NotBad yeah it becomes a big problem when you bring it into the workplace eg by wanking in the toilets and filming it and basically demanding that it be accepted. Private thoughts can never be policed and you can think what you like. However, if you share your thoughts with others, you must accept that they may feel revulsion and are fully entitled to do so without being accused of ‘shaming’ (probably the most annoying word in the world).

I am all for kink shaming.

Leaving aside the ethics of porn and its variations, no one would ever be kink shamed by anyone if they just kept it to their selves.

This is an excellent point. The rest of the world doesn't need, or want, to hear about, or see, your sexual activities. Keep them to your bloody self.

More generally, watching porn at all is shameful, even at its most 'vanilla' it is exploitative and contrary to popular belief not everyone is a voyeur whose in to watching other people shagging. While much of India Knight's recent Times article on porn watching habits was depressing I was heartened to learn that 42% don't watch porn at all. Not watching porn is perfectly normal.

I really am sick of all this 'don't kink shame' rubbish. Getting your jollies from being abusive, or being abused, is not healthy for the individual or society as a whole. It should not be encouraged.

Just shut the fuck up! I don’t want to hear or see anything about your sex life, and if your “kink” is to tell people who aren’t interested, then I will definitely shame you

I don't need to know what Sarah does to get herself off. I won't be sharing in response either. When did we all (well some) start talking about our sex lived in such detail?

Sarah is complicit in this abuse. Supply and demand. Go watch 50 shades Sarah, or better yet read the book and use your imagination.

Why anyone thinks the world outside their home needs to
Know anything at all about their kink, let alone affirm or approve it to them begs belief.

Must be a symptom of our over sharing society.

Please keep it to yourself.

Some of the stuff described isn't 'cool' at all, it's dangerous. We know that people do act out 'fantasies' learned from exposure to porn, hence the recent rise in girls with damage from anal and death by choking 'sex gone wrong'.

Moreover:
Faye's porn preference is "taboo porn",

So what effect does normalising this sort of stuff has? I'd guess that a lot of the thrill of such fantasies is in proportion to it being taboo and transgressive. If it's no longer 'shamed' and secret, surely some will find it no longer 'works' for them and they would have to ratchet up (or rather, down) the level?

I think there is also a difference between having a fantasy of being abused yourself and getting off on seeing others abused. The former is not so much of a problem but the latter is. Also, the narrative that women enjoy rape fantasies of course spurs men on to think that rape victims secretly enjoy it etc. I do believe the stats on women watching porn. I think it is pretty common. However, I do think there should be greater scrutiny of what is regarded as okay and I don’t think porn sites should be allowed to post content that would constitute a crime if it happened in real life- ie underage, bestiality, rape, incest or serious assault.

The thing about fantasies is you have complete control over them, unlike actual rape...

Frankly, some kinks deserve to be shamed to hell and back.

And re. women watching abusive porn - I have two comments.

1. Just because you've been psychologically so screwed over by society that you've internalised misogyny to the extent that you can't orgasm without it doesn't make that situation right or healthy.

2. There is a world of difference between imaging yourself as the one being abused (all sorts of motivations like using it as a metaphor for being consumed by passion, wanting to process past trauma by re-imagining, but with your own imagination in charge of the narrative, having totally internalised societies messages about submission being sexy) and imaging yourself as the rapist (which basically means you are a rapey fucker at heart, even if you don't put it into practice).

I don’t give a shit if my objection to porn is framed as “kink shaming”.

If you feel shame over your sexual practices, isn’t that giving you a fucking hint? we feel shame over things we know or suspect are wrong, not things that are completely tickety boo.

Im all for a bit of shame in society, and am happy to clutch my pearls and send a bit more of it out into the universe, if it helps push back on the idea that porn somehow reflects all that is good about human sexuality.

I'm not into porn but rape fantasy is definitely a thing for me (young woman), but that's not the one I would say people get weirded out by, it's incest fantasy. The difference I guess is I'm not fantasing about abusing anyone, more fantasising about being abused. I remember even as young as 15 imagining that my boyfriend was either "my uncle" or "my older brother" and imagining I was younger and they were in their 30s/40s. Didn't tell my boyfriend obviously.

None of these fantasies came from porn, they all came from fanfiction websites. I loved reading the stories where Harry was paired with Draco and there's be lots of abuse, or the incest pairings. Idk why but they just made feel sexual and not repulsed.

maybe education and understand would be better than shaming anyone. as the above poster says take all the media away and these still exsistx people have and will always have complex sexual fantasys that are specifically for them allowing people to understand them and to use them in a positive way that does not harm others would be the best thing. by shaming and suppressing that is where issues start to occur.

What other behaviours should we stop ‘shaming’ then? Bribery? theft? corruption? Domestic abuse? Neglect of children? Making it shameful to drink drive was once of biggest drivers (pun not intended) to stopping drink driving and the deaths it caused. Things that are harmful should be shameful.

• ie underage, bestiality, rape, incest or serious assault

All of these can be found on fanfiction websites alongside normal creative stories that contain no sexual content other than a kiss. Porn is a problem, but creative online literature is also a bad place for a kid to discover sexuality.

the use of shame in criminal activity is interesting. shame can be a double edged sword when it comes to dealing with criminality. sometimes it will drive the issue underground and make the issue harder to manage. but it is undoubtably used.

Take the media away and you have people's own fantasies, either in their heads or played out with other fully consenting adults (hopefully everyone here accepts that anything involving anyone other than fully consenting adults is completely and utterly shameful - it's illegal anyway).

You don't get the ratchet effect of something more extreme than what you can imagine being portrayed, or needing to ramp up to find the thrill of something that still is taboo, or people treating porn as an instruction manual.

Yes I think there needs to be some education. Let’s start:

• masturbating and pissing in a rubber suit? That’s ok if you want, I just don’t want to hear about it.
• masturbating and pissing in a rubber suit in the toilets of a children’s charity, filming it and putting it online? You should be ashamed, you sick pervert.

There, consider that the start of some “education”.

sometimes it will drive the issue underground and make the issue harder to manage if people feel too much shame about a particular issue they have (once admitted it is a problem) then I can see why they may be less likely to seek treatment, not wanting to admit to something so shameful. I've never told my therapist about my incest fantasies because I know it's shameful and I don't want her to be disappointed in me/judge me, so I don't explore that.

masturbating and pissing in a rubber suit in the toilets of a children’s charity, filming it and putting it online? You should be ashamed, you sick pervert.

Well clearly! People disagree with that?