www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-49240582
"Men are usually involved in an abortion in one of four ways, all of which can leave men traumatised when they come to reflect afterwards on their roles, say those running counselling groups for post-abortive men. Sometimes men coerce a woman into having an abortion against her will; others say they will support the woman's decision either way, while steering that decision toward abortion. Some men find out about the abortion for the first time after the fact, or the abortion goes ahead against their wishes."
Speaking as someone who was coerced into an abortion I didn't want, I couldn't give a fuck how traumatic it might be for him to later "reflect" on his actions. One day he'd be saying it was all my choice and he'd support me no matter what, the next day he'd be making plans to move country if I had the baby, the next he'd be threatening to use his contacts at social services to have the baby removed from me and saying he'd take full custody if I went ahead, then the next day he'd be bringing me gifts and begging me not to terminate. Shockingly that was quite a lot to cope with whilst also studying full time and experiencing such extreme morning sickness I could hardly think. Shockingly I decided that wasn't an environment I could justify bringing a child into. When I went for the surgery, because I was 11 weeks by the time I decided, he begged to be allowed to come with me, then never showed up because he decided to go shopping for a new BMW instead. I never heard from him again, but I lost the next 3 years of my life to severe depression over the guilt and regret I felt. I seriously and frequently considered suicide. I engaged in very high risk sexual behaviour in the hope of contracting some terrible STD which I felt was what I deserved. I went to the doctor several times but was rejected for help each time and told to basically get over it as it was "my choice". I was offered a single counselling session by the NHS with a woman who told me she "only really knew about miscarriages" and suggested I just make a list of pros and cons to look at when I felt sad. Ultimately I dropped out of university because the course material focused often on pregnancy which I found too upsetting. Many years later I now have 2 children but I still cry to think of the one who isn't here. So I don't give a shiny fuck how the man who got me pregnant feels now.
At the same time another friend I knew became pregnant by a man who was abusive to her but for religious reasons didn't want her to terminate. He would turn up to her house in the middle of the night screaming at her that she was a murderer. He made her life a living hell, but because of her termination she was able to finish her degree, leave that relationship, and is now happily married and professionally successful. So I don't give a flying fuck how the guy that got her pregnant feels now either.
""Men are meant to be protectors, so there is a sense of failure - failing to protect the mother and the unborn child, failing to be responsible," says 61-year-old Chuck Raymond, whose 18-year-old girlfriend had an abortion in the late 70s when he was a teenager."
I don't give a fuck, Chuck.
"He likens the mental and emotional anguish that can follow an abortion to battlefield post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)."
Post abortion stress syndrome isn't even a recognised condition for women yet, you know, the people actually trying to make the life changing decision in the midst of morning sickness, social pressure, and often male coercive control. The ones who actually have to choose between giving birth and raising a child, or going through an often traumatic medical procedure. And I don't believe for a second that these poor "traumatised" men actually wanted to raise the baby themselves, it's all about not being able to control the woman.
"It's changing now, men are fed up," Ms Bonopartis says. "Men had bought into how they have no say in this and that if they speak out, they are against women, but now the impact is being felt by more and more of them as the repercussions of 45 years of abortion are being seen."
FUCK. OFF.
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF
I don't care if men are fed up. I don't care how sad they are, or if they feel emasculated by not being able to control women, or if they feel like being made to pay child support somehow gives them part shares in women's bodies, or if they think that they are the natural protectors of children and women (despite being their number one killers) and should therefore be allowed to "protect" a fetus by forcing it to be born to an unwilling mother when 9/10 times they have no intention of caring for it themselves. I don't give a single fuck and I am so angry that the BBC has run this "sympathetic" article which basically says men should be allowed to have a say in women's medical care. Men can state their preference for an outcome, fine, and they're allowed to be upset if that preference isn't followed, but they have no right, not now and not ever, to expect their preference to be given equal weight to a woman's.
So, fuck off BBC. Fuck off Alabama. Fuck off all pro forced birth people but especially pro forced birth men. Fuck off to my ex and to my friends ex, and to the exes of all the equally traumatised women I met in the one solitary non religious (i.e you need forgiveness) post abortion support group I was able to eventually find online because no one gives enough of a shit to form one in real life on behalf of women. Fuck off to anyone who thinks the decision over what happens to a woman's body should be in the hands of anyone but the woman herself. Fuckity fucking fuck off.