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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Hello Lurkers!

182 replies

BadgertheBodger · 24/07/2019 23:40

Hi. Hello. Howya doing?

I have unwittingly become a lurker on this board as I often find the brilliant long-standing posters have not only got there before me but put my contribution to shame.

But! There’s a place for every woman in feminism and I wanted to start a thread for lurkers, or less confident posters, to share their thoughts. I want this to be a thread which has less of a focus on the most amazingly analytical comment, and more about posters (particularly lurkers) sharing thoughts and working out ideas in conjunction with all the incredible resources available on this board.

Here’s to all of us looking, thinking, but not posting. Your opinion is welcome too. I would love this to be a thread where we shared our thoughts Smile

OP posts:
Agrona · 26/07/2019 00:35

There are some amazing posters on this board. Their knowledge, kindness, clarity and common sense help when some other posters try to drown the truth with half truths, twisting the facts or quoting dodgy statistics.

I post rarely as usually someone has said something I cannot improve upon.

Banananas · 26/07/2019 07:20

The main posters are able to put things in way I never could articulate, and are able to debate issues really well. I daren't even bring these issues up to other women IRL because I'm useless at communicating and instead hope that places like this bring it all to the sunlight.

picklemepopcorn · 26/07/2019 07:31

Excellent idea!

I need to 'think out loud', and my thinking sounds so infantile in fwr!

woopdedoodle · 26/07/2019 09:14

Ditto all above.

MangoesAreMyFavourite · 26/07/2019 09:26

Hiya! Been here for years but rarely add much to the discussion.

But I do my bit - tweeting, liking, signing the petitions, chipping in to that which must never be shared, googling that which must not be googled, filling in the surveys and writing to my MP.

A whole bunch of amazing women! My favourite daydream is throwing them a party as a thank you. Maybe one day...

S1naidSucks · 26/07/2019 09:28

lurks on lurkers’ thread Grin

Whatdidisay · 26/07/2019 09:36

Regular lurker here!
Newish account as I got locked out after the mass log out a few month ago and was unable to access my old account.
Although I Don't post much, I'm here several times a day.
Thank you to all the vocal Women who are fighting against this madness.

HandsOffMyRights · 26/07/2019 09:37

Great idea.

So many intelligent, articulate, accurate and witty posts. They're on on a higher plane to me. When some of the deeper, philosophical debates get going, I can merely read on in awe. But by God, those one liners cut straight to the nub too.

My feeble responses are so basic and clunky by comparison.

I've cut and pasted so many of the quotes on here into MP letters, Tweets, emails and notes on my phone (for when my attempts to communicate IRL become jumbled).

NorthernNic · 26/07/2019 09:38

Agree with you all. I've been reading and learning from all these articulate posts for about a year. I've never thought myself a feminist, I don't really like to label myself as anything. I think I am a fair and reasonable person so when I am all of a sudden a bigot I think hang on, I've not changed the world around me has. The posters on here have helped me try make sense of it and given me my confidence back to know my instincts are ok. Sorry, a bit waffly but what I'm saying is I don't want to be accused of reacting emotionally (us thick northerners have had a lot of this recently with Brexit) so this forum is a great source of learning and fact finding.

VioletCharlotte · 26/07/2019 09:40

Hello, another lurker here Smile

I've learnt so much from the feminist boards. I find the discussion fascinating. I don't participate as there are so many other posters who are much more well informed and articulate than I am.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 26/07/2019 09:43

^^ Waves to any lurkers Brew

But I do my bit - tweeting, liking, signing the petitions, chipping in to that which must never be shared, googling that which must not be googled, filling in the surveys and writing to my MP.

Mangoes I try to do the same. I'm in awe of the knowledge of so many posters here. And I also believe it's really important to be having conversations as widely as possible to try to reach those who aren't interested in the more nuanced discussions.

I think we can all do our bit. Lurking and quiet activism - and the way we bring up our DC - is very much part of this.

GreyAndGoldInTheMeadow · 26/07/2019 09:45

Hi! I've been lurking here for a while now but never posted. I've learned loads from the incredibly knowledgeable and dedicated posters here and am incredibly grateful for the work you all do to protect women and girls rights that seem to be very much under threat right now. Thank you all. Flowers

LangCleg · 26/07/2019 10:25

also lurks the lurkers thread

hopes many lurkers speak up

Sexnotgender · 26/07/2019 10:28

I’m a lurker and occasional poster. I agree that I feel I don’t add much as everything I want to say is being said much more eloquently than I could ever manage!

EndoplasmicReticulum · 26/07/2019 10:34

There are a lot of us, reading. Maybe posting occasionally, maybe not.

But we are listening. We may not be as articulate as those who post more regularly, we may be afraid to speak out because of a family situation, or because we are frightened that we might lose our jobs.

I would like to thank those who are braver than me.

AlwaysTawnyOwl · 26/07/2019 10:38

I enjoy reading all of the posts and find that many are so insightful and informative. I’m always looking for something to do - a letter to write, petition to sign, crowdfunded to contribute to etc. I feel that for this movement to be a success we also need lots of people all doing something, so lurking is good!

barelove · 26/07/2019 10:47

What a brilliant idea for a thread!

It'd be easy for anyone critical of the mn feminist board to think there are only the usual, recognised names all talking to each other and no more. This thread is showing that the feminist board is influential to and representative of so many more of us who follow the threads without necessarily ever posting anything ourselves.

I post a few times a week, but never have the confidence to say much. Still finding my way to understanding the bigger picture and making sense of my own life, looking at it through a feminist perspective.

The regular posters have educated me more than any other women I've known and have changed the way I care for myself and interact in my relationships for the better. Mumsnet really has changed my life Smile

LikeothersIamjustme · 26/07/2019 10:54

Great idea. Same as others posted above, I enjoy reading the boards but generally find what I would have said has already been said and there is no need to repeat. I am slowly trying to 'enlighten' those around me. Slowly slowly catchy monkey but the Yaniv case is a gift from above!

JessicaWakefieldSV · 26/07/2019 11:00

I’m a lurker and occasional poster. I agree that I feel I don’t add much as everything I want to say is being said much more eloquently than I could ever manage!

You don’t need to be eloquent Smile but if you prefer to lurk, lurk away!

Just don’t be shy if you want to speak up, the more the merrier.

HexeSauerkraut · 26/07/2019 11:00

Another lurker here, so grateful for the conversations happening on this board.

I am so conflicted, I realise it must be so difficult for people suffering with body dismorphia and I’m naturally inclined (maybe raised) to be sympathetic, but.....

I have a period every month
I have had two operations to sort out Bartholins cysts
I have had five pregnancies
I have had two miscarriages, one very traumatic
I have given birth to three children
I have had pre-eclampsia
I struggled during my son’s birth as he experienced shoulder distocia (sp?)
I have experienced years of coercive control in a relationship, initially because of my vulnerable situation as a single mother brought up to prioritise men’s ‘needs’

How can somebody physically male claim to understand or have these experiences? I’m beginning to find both the appropriations and the gaslighting involved in the more extreme trans agenda are making me increasingly angry.

So thank you to the women on here speaking the truth, I’ll resume my lurking now Flowers

littlbrowndog · 26/07/2019 11:04

Hey lurkers 👋

Don’t worry about being articulate. I dont

I just crack on with writing what I feel and also listen to what others say

And yeah I speak to everyone around me. Was told stop with your feminist ways.
But was able to say to that guy feminism has nothing to do with you it’s for women and about woman thanks to reading on here

Sickoffamilydrama · 26/07/2019 11:08

I occasionally unlurk like today when I'm using MN to continue to educate my DD about feminism and as an excuse not to read the 175 documents I need to for my dissertation. If someone can give me a poke to get me back on it that would be great Wink

franke · 26/07/2019 11:10

I've been on the fwr boards from the beginning and have learnt so much. But as pps have said, other posters are so much more articulate.

I'm not in the UK but work in cpd. I've talked a bit about this in the past to my students and got the Hmm from the younger ones in particular. But they are waking up - 3 or 4 people have brought up the subject with me (without being prompted) just this week. There's a lot of dodgy science being peddled here so I just caution them to do more reading around the subject. The discussions I've had are very positive.

I've also had extremely calm discussions with a rather woke young lesbian friend of mine. I'm careful not to harangue her about it and have reached an understanding of why she takes the woke stance that she does. She thinks the idea of self ID is mad, but can't quite shake the twaw mantra.

What's missing in my country are feminists such as Bindel and others I'm following on Twitter. Feminism here seems to have stalled at eye rolling about mansplaining or men not changing nappies. Purported feminists here fill their twitter handles with rainbows and preferred pronouns. Feels really backward.

Deliriumoftheendless · 26/07/2019 11:37

I rarely have anything interesting to add but I’ve been reading these boards for about three years now (although it took a long time for me to bite the bullet and sign up).

I read here all the time, it’s been very helpful to me and got me interested in feminism again as I had little interest in the stuff lib fems were saying- it was only coming here that I could see it was all about men’s needs not women’s.

I’m very glad this place exists.

MarionberryJam · 26/07/2019 12:34

I am a shameless lurker and learner in the USA. I found Mumsnet when Meghan Murphy was banned, and following the Yaniv debacle. I just signed up to comment here to say I'm following, I'm learning, and I'm sharing. The wisdom here is amazing. I don't have anything to say that others aren't saying already, and probably better.

I just wanted to let you all know how much you are appreciated and respected, and I'm doing what I can here in my neck of the woods with the knowledge and wisdom shared.