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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Hello Lurkers!

182 replies

BadgertheBodger · 24/07/2019 23:40

Hi. Hello. Howya doing?

I have unwittingly become a lurker on this board as I often find the brilliant long-standing posters have not only got there before me but put my contribution to shame.

But! There’s a place for every woman in feminism and I wanted to start a thread for lurkers, or less confident posters, to share their thoughts. I want this to be a thread which has less of a focus on the most amazingly analytical comment, and more about posters (particularly lurkers) sharing thoughts and working out ideas in conjunction with all the incredible resources available on this board.

Here’s to all of us looking, thinking, but not posting. Your opinion is welcome too. I would love this to be a thread where we shared our thoughts Smile

OP posts:
littlbrowndog · 26/07/2019 20:30

Join in join in

Don’t worry join in

Just say what you think. I do
Takes 1 then 2 then 3 then 4. Then we grow.

GurlwiththeCurl · 26/07/2019 20:33

I too am a lurker and very rarely post. I have been on MN for quite a few years and read almost every thread on FWR. Like many, I don’t feel that I can add much to most threads. I cannot do much in RL either as I have a set of serious chronic conditions and am virtually bedridden.

But, thanks to the wonderful women on here, I have found my youthful feminism rekindled. I am old now, but feel so pleased to see radical feminism growing again with women supporting each other to speak out. Thank you all so much!

IthinkIseethelight · 26/07/2019 20:35

I am pretty new to all this, started reading here to learn more about the trans issue but it resulted in me looking into feminism as a whole, the second wave etc. I am a bit obsessed with watching feminist talks on youtube. I have recently started reading Beauty and Misogyny by Sheila Jeffreys and now have a big collection of Andrea Dworkin on my kindle to get through.

littlbrowndog · 26/07/2019 20:42

Gurl. 💪🔥🍺🍺

Insertdeadcatsnamehere · 26/07/2019 20:44

Hi other lurkers. Been reading the stuff here for about a year. Great thread! There are loads of us! This is extremely reassuring!

I don't usually post as someone has always said what I would say much more eloquently. I am of the 'red faced, spluttering, unable to remember any salient points when I need to' school of debate but did manage I think to convince a couple of real life woke beardy blokes recently that they might want to check whether they've been talking bollocks with regards to trans issues, so there's that.

Nikhedonia · 26/07/2019 20:46

I'm a lurker. The posters on the board are much more articulate and knowledgable than I am.

truthisarevolutionaryact · 26/07/2019 20:48

Wonderful heartwarming thread - and completely off topic but:
AllMumsyWereTheBorrowedClothes - fab name Grin

JackyHolyoake · 26/07/2019 20:51

Rather pathetically this thread has made me well up a bit

That is not 'pathetic' at all .. it is the sense of natural relief you feel about being in the midst of our sisterhood. Treasure that sense of relief; it becomes powerful. Smile

NeurotrashWarrior · 26/07/2019 20:52

Hello all!

I frequently post on very little sleep due to baby or bad back with one eye closed and can go off on tangents... Grin but don't be afraid to contribute as you never know if it's helpful and at least can bump an important thread.

Sometimes the mra ones or ones that get derailed can detract from important threads.

NeurotrashWarrior · 26/07/2019 20:57

Gurl 💗 💪 Wine

youkiddingme · 26/07/2019 21:06

I'm mostly housebound and sometimes bed-bound for extended periods but I am lucky to get around or out some of the time Gurl - but I really can't manage any of the events talked about that I would love to attend. It really is a life-line back to the things that matter in life on here isn't it? Thinking of you. Brew Cake Flowers

BettyStogs · 26/07/2019 21:07

Another lurker here. Not much to add.to the boards think others are far more informed than me but have learned so much thanks to all the regular posters and others. Have managed to contribute reasonably intelligently to discussions irl as a result !

birdsdestiny · 26/07/2019 21:12

Oh that makes sense Jacky, I thought I had just had too much wine Smile

billydilly · 26/07/2019 21:18

Reticent and grateful lurked here. As a card-carrying leftie I'd absorbed the TA madness as part of my identity; this board has effected a sea change in me. I've been pointed towards the extraordinary Magdalen Berns and Peachy Yoghurt and both laughed and cried. My two teenage Dds are still a work in progress (youngest has said that I'm 'basically Donald Trump' for questioning the TRA ideology) but they're now thinking a little more independently.

The question I now face is who to vote for as my loyalty to Labour is undermined by the party's attitude to gender identity, self-id and so on. Thanks to this board I now hold this issue to be of overwhelming importance; as I often tell my daughters, we are at war.

LondonKate · 26/07/2019 21:19

I lurk here too. I feel so conflicted on this - I was a gender non-confirming lesbian about 15 years ago. I hated my breasts as they grew and didn't want to be noticed. I have so much empathy and love for this current crop of teenage girls. As an adult I'm a lesbian I'm not all that gender non-conforming... I mean my wife and I both have an impressive collection of power tools and I am not girly. But I dress unremarkably, and I no longer dislike that I am female shaped. I think if I were a teenager today I would probably be one of those girls who decides they would rather be a straight boy than a gay girl.... and I don't think my life would have been better for that. I have the life I wanted and I've worked out which "girl" stuff isn't for me, and none of that was biological (I own no makeup, I don't ever go to the hairdressers, I piss of people by constantly going on about the patriarchy...).

I have no idea what to say to those teenage girls (and I work at a university and I meet some of them.... so this feels really relevant to me) - I get not wanting to grow up female... I really do. I get hating your body changing and drawing attention and becoming public property. I get fancying straight girls and feeling like if only I were male then maybe they'd kiss me. I completely and totally have only empathy for those feelings.

But as an adult woman I wouldn't trade my own self. I live with my wife, I carried a child, I established a corner of my own body that worked for me. I just don't know what to do - don't know how to reach out to those girls. And so... I lurk here and worry about it.

SugarPlumFairyCakes · 26/07/2019 21:20

Long time lurker here, came via the horror of Chancellor. Genuinely did not realise the sheer scale of complete contempt for women that the trans ideology holds. Fed up with my and all women's rights and boundaries being eroded. In awe of the amazing women who are bravely fighting this in real life. Have donated to crowd funders, signed petitions and try to bring up in real life, but need to be very careful because of job. Would have loved to have gone to meeting in Leicester but wasn't meant to be...... Definately going to go to any other local meetings.
Thank you all

EvaHarknessRose · 26/07/2019 21:37

👋 hello

MrsPnut · 26/07/2019 21:40

I’m a lurker lurking on this thread too.

cpl24805254 · 26/07/2019 21:51

I am a lurker and never posted,til now.

JesusHRooseveltChrist · 26/07/2019 21:53

Hello, fellow lurkers! 👋🏻

I've been lurking for a while now. I read almost every thread but never post because this is all still a learning curve for me.

I never really gave much thought to feminism, to what it was to be a woman and be part of a sisterhood. But then I saw a tweet in which I, an adult, human, female was referred to as a "uterus haver". It really, really jarred me for reasons that I am still not eloquent enough to express properly yet. The more I read around, the more I realised that the hard won rights of women were being eroded.

I'm still learning. I don't know that my eyes are fully open yet, but with each beautifully and so eloquently written post by the women on this board, my eyes open a little bit more. Thank you for that.

And thank you to BadgertheBodger for this thread. I feel a little bit more confident about engaging in debate and discussion now that I see the encouragement from other lurkers and the frequent posters on the board.

TheInebriati · 26/07/2019 21:54
NeurotrashWarrior · 26/07/2019 22:00

londonkate that's a really powerful post; definitely don't lurk please!

NeurotrashWarrior · 26/07/2019 22:09

I remember hating my breasts growing. I got them pretty late at 15.5 and had actually started to in a way prefer being flat chested after seeing how my friends attracted misogynistic attention from men and boys due to their breasts.

I remember sobbing as I had a crush on my friend and I wondered if I was a lesbian.

My mum threw a big book at me (wish I could remember what) with lots of writing about women and sexuality (possibly Greer?) and it basically distracted me out of my teen angst.

If I'd read more stories such as your post kate I would have realised I was definitely heterosexual and also very normal.

Schools absolutely need to cover LGB to avoid the T (and clearly the body mod NB).

Melroses · 26/07/2019 22:17

Lovely to see all the lurkers and their stories.

I lurk here these days - I used to post more (probably under different names) when I was working it all out, but since it has moved on I find it hard to keep up and I am in awe of many of the posters here.

One day I will get to a meeting. They have all been a bit logistically difficult for me so far but I long to get to one since I missed that first Cambridge one. They seem to get better and better - well done to everyone who organises them. Star They give a lot of hope. I don't live near Manchester so the Elephant one is out for me but hope everyone there has a good time.

littlecabbage · 26/07/2019 22:20

I lurk a lot and occasionally post. FWR regular posters - sometimes you may feel as though you are talking amongst your (very wise) selves, but loads of us are here, quietly learning and taking action IRL.

I am so proud to be part of The MN FWR boards.