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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

would you date someone who is gender critical?

279 replies

Bespin · 29/06/2019 16:40

Seeing as there is a would you date a trans person thread for proper balance I'm sure you will be happy with a would you date a gender critical person. I know we could ask for every other characteristic that people do and do not find attractive, and then we can judge people by there answers. But no one needs to date anyone they are not attracted too.

So my answer is I'd probably be attracted to them but over time if there views were such that they impacted on me negatively then that would be a massive turn off.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 29/06/2019 19:36

@Prawnofthepatriarchyeterosexual relationship if they wish to. No one has to commit to being say pansexual and therefore open to all sexes as per the definition of being pansexual.

Beamur · 29/06/2019 19:40

DH is GC.
Should I find myself single, I think agreement on this issue would be important to me in a partner.

SnuggyBuggy · 29/06/2019 19:44

Not sure what happened

@Prawn, true but someone who has always been homosexual isn't barred from engaging in a heterosexual relationship if they wish to. No one has to commit to being say pansexual and therefore open to all sexes as per the definition of being pansexual.

littlbrowndog · 29/06/2019 19:44

Yeah I would never date anyon3 who believed that a person could change their sex and thought it was fin3 for kids to be experimented on with drugs. So would always be the dealbreaker

DuMondeB · 29/06/2019 19:48

DH reached PeakT way before I did - he did a lot of martial arts in his younger days and still follows a number of combat sports.

Fallon Fox was all it took.

DpWm · 29/06/2019 20:04

Bespin
If you asked this question on Reddit_Transgenderchat or whatever it's called, I'm sure you'd get very different responses, and also, feminists don't go on there to ask "will you shag anyone transgender?" Because it would be a bit.... Goady.
What response are you hoping for here?

frazzled1 · 29/06/2019 20:16

Wouldn't date anyone who believes you can be born in the wrong body. Ditto anyone who persisted with AMAB, AFAB rather than sex: determined at conception. GC all the way.

Michelleoftheresistance · 29/06/2019 20:28

Well, one thing is certain: there’s not a single GC person suggesting that if you wouldn’t, you’re contributing to the deaths of GC people.

This. Nor is anyone suggesting that non GC people must over look the person's GCness and offer them sex, including 'overcoming' their sexuality in order to provide this sex. As a duty. Because GC people are literally being killed by not being given the sex they want from people who don't want to have sex with them.

Hence the huge offence being taken. By GC people.

Date whoever you want, and don't ask me to shut up about rapey homophobic anti woman shit on some spurious ground that women saying get the FUCK off my boundaries is hurtful to people who want to trample those boundaries.

starzig · 29/06/2019 20:35

If i am attracted to them and get on well with them then i don't see why not.

allmywhat · 29/06/2019 21:00

LMAO what is the purpose of this thread? I wouldn't date someone who is not gender critical. I wouldn't be able to respect them.

Barracker · 29/06/2019 21:27

So you'd date a GC person Bespin? Cool.

Of which sex?

Jaffacakebeast · 29/06/2019 21:31

I wouldn’t date any1 who thought sex was a spectrum, nor would I date any1 who thought the earth was flat. Same category as far as I’m concerned

Michelleoftheresistance · 29/06/2019 21:33

I suppose also need to consider in the name of fairness and considering what crap is being dumped on women that you're shaming them for calling out: would you date a GC person who was in fact GC with all GC experiences and views, but identified as non GC?

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 29/06/2019 21:41

Not wanting to date a GC person isnt the opposite of not wanting to date a trans person for goodness sake

Fieldofgreycorn · 29/06/2019 21:48

It’s not comparable because GC isn’t a protected characteristic.

ICJump · 29/06/2019 21:50

look I wouldn’t ask the question on the first date but it would be high up. However it’s really not the same is it.

NottonightJosepheen · 29/06/2019 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Voice0fReason · 29/06/2019 22:15

I find intelligence and critical thinking vital in a relationship so GC is key. I want the man I am with to know what a woman is.

There is someone for everyone
Probably, but the feeling has to be mutual.
GC people aren't complaining that non GC people won't date them.

Transpeople are free to date any willing person. They can date each other or anyone who finds them appealing. There are people out there who are open to different gender identities. They do have to accept, however, that the vast majority of people are attracted to people based on their sex, not their gender identity.

Bespin · 29/06/2019 22:36

is date a GC of either sex or any gender. But I doubt it would last long. This a feminism board and last I looked not all feminists are gender critical. If someone asks a question about dating trans people then it is fair to ask the opersite question.

OP posts:
Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 29/06/2019 22:40

If someone asks a question about dating trans people then it is fair to ask the opersite question

Yes it would be

If you were asking the opposite question

Which you arent

TheInebriati · 29/06/2019 22:50

I was married to a man who turned out to be an autogynephile, and found out by accident. If he had been honest with me from the outset, I wouldn't have dated him.
I think he knew that.

Most women I know or have spoken to online rate honesty in a partner; and by a massive and extraordinary coincidence, many have had bad experiences with men who are dishonest.
On the Relationships board there are dozens of posts by women in new realtionships trying to work out if the man they are dating is who he says he is. Or if he is lying, or has an addiction.

So the question 'would you date someone who is GC' is not one I recognise from a womens perspective, it doesn't fit my experience. And its a strange one for a feminist board.

Gender is a tool used to reinforce the patriarchy. Its something used against women, constantly. Why would a feminist support gender?

JanesKettle · 29/06/2019 22:52

I'm too old to talk about 'dating', but yeah, if I met, say, a GNC GC male, I might think he was attractive, with both the GNC and the GC playing a role.

I'd also find a bloke who accepted and behaved as if women are humans too, quite attractive. I see more of that from some GC male allies (no, not thinking of Glinner but some smaller voices) than I do from the genderists, who appear to think 'woman' is a free floating concept defined by its lack of definition.

I can think of one or two transwomen who acknowledge and behave as the above, so I wouldn't neccessarily say no to a 'date', given the afore-mentioned love of male GNC as an aesthetic, but hormonally treated and/or post-op would be hard no, as would if the person was in a bad way with their dysphoria. I've put up with enough 'being good to the struggling male' in my life without wanting to do it any more.

But in theory ? Transwoman who acknowledges her maleness, is engaged in deconstructing her more toxic masculine attitudes, is a feminist ally, presents in a feminine way but handles her social and/or physical dysphoria without medical intervention ? Okey doke.

To be clear - for me, the 'no' has nothing to do with someone feeling or presenting in a feminine way while male.

The no would be around 1. not respecting females and female experience 2. wanting to be treated as a woman while exhibiting toxic masculinity via attitudes and behaviours towards women 3. active and ongoing psychological distress - person is not ready for relationship 4. health issues arising from hormones/ me prefering male bodies without obvious breasts 5. me preferring male genitals over women's.

If someone can't accept the above as valid and wants to consider that bigoted, I can't stop them. I checked my conscience, and my conscience thinks the above is both accurate, open, and fair (to myself as well as the hypothetical trans person).

JanesKettle · 29/06/2019 22:57

Actually, if anyone thinks the above is bigoted, they can fuck off.

GC is kind of a given at this point in my life. As well as not wanting to 'date' transwomen exhibiting lack of, I don't want to date men with lack of, or transmen with lack of. I'm sick to the back teeth of the reifying of gender going on atm.

Give me the fucking 1970's and '80's any day - far more progressive in terms of acknowleding the harms of sex stereotypes (gender) and challenging them.

In fact, scrap everything I just said. I will only date people coming in a time machine from that more enlightened time! I am 21st C phobic.

LassOfFyvie · 29/06/2019 22:58

It’s not comparable because GC isn’t a protected characteristic

Protected characteristics aren't why it's not comparable. As a poster said Not wanting to date GC people is about incompatible views. Not wanting to date trans people is primarily about Physical features and preferences

JanesKettle · 29/06/2019 23:00

Gender is HARMFUL.

I'm deconstructing the role gender played in the clusterfuck that has been my primary relationship of 25 years, and yeah, it's huge.

Who on earth in their right minds would want to date anyone who isn't interested in avoiding such an outcome ? I'd tell my kids to run a mile. Gender is crap, rubbish, used to pin women down and suck the life blood out of them. Anyone who isn't critical of that is part of it, imo. Avoid, avoid, avoid.