Supporting our lesbian sisters THREAD EDITED BY MNHQ AT OP'S REQUEST

[Muststopfaffing]

In response to this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3621239-Being-a-homosexual-female-in-a-community-of-queer-people-transbians-and-penis-inclusionary-lesbians

I want to create a new thread to invite our lesbian sisters to tell non lesbian women how we can help support them and be allies to them through the current struggle and abuse from within their own community. I don’t have anything specific in mind and would love it to be led by those that need support, in whatever form that may be.

It should go without saying (but just in case anyone is tempted to do otherwise) that this is support for biological women who are same sex attracted and nothing else.

I'm lucky that the lesbians around me are a fierce lot - and not just the younger generation.

I think the world cup will have done some good - photos of the US team members kissing their other halves after their win is something I marvel at - you just wouldn't have seen this not that long ago. Even if you did see two women hugging or being close they would be described as 'good friends'.

I really never thought we would have gone backwards on womans /lesbian rights though.

This is a sad snip from an article I saw on R (K? Not sure if the letter) Kelly’s daughter who announced to the world that she was male at the tender age of 14:

“Now 18 years old, Jaah, who writes music, has come forward revealing that she was a lesbian that had struggled with internalized homophobia as a kid. She was taught that the only way she could like another girl, was if she was a boy.

In a recent interview with Paper magazine, Jaah says, “When I posted that video, I was so scared. When I was younger, I always felt like I had to make a choice. I knew that I was a girl who liked other girls. But because of what I was taught, I felt like the only way you could like another girl is if you were a boy.”

I’m a fan of Amy D, what on earth is Linda on about ?? Solidarity to Amy.

Been meaning to post on this thread for a while. Any upcoming events on the US East Coast where a straight woman could help out?

My partner and I are both in our early 60s - we've been together for 20 years, both having left marriages with men to be together. We were both in high profile education jobs and found being 'out' difficult. Moving to a local authority which was very positive about gay rights helped us enormously, though we still found people would occasionally respond to us outing ourselves to them with variations n "That's fine..." - as if we needed their approval.

More recently, we've found ourselves actually frightened by what's happening - and retreating back into the closet again, for fear of what we perceive as increasing prejudice against lesbians who believe you need to be a woman to be lesbian.

What can allies do? What most/all of you are already doing - standing up for the right of lesbians to exclude men, because men cannot be bleedin' lesbians!

‘I’m a gold star lesbian’ is an interesting preface to bollocking lesbians for not liking bollocks, I’ll give you that.

As indicated in my previous post, I cannot claim 'gold star' status as I have had relationships with men. After 20 years exclusively with a woman, however, I am confident and proud to state: a lesbian can only ever be a woman. An XX woman with female genitals.

To say otherwise is to debase and render entirely meaningless the word 'lesbian'.

This thread designed to allow lesbians to say how members here can help them seems to be dominated by heterosexual women saying how nasty trans people are to lesbians... with only a handful of lesbians actually contributing. Perhaps this forum isn't quite as in tune with lesbians as it would like to think.

You wish teflontania!

Au contraire, there are loads of us here!

Au contraire, there are loads of us here!

Just not engaging with a thread in which they're specifically asked for advice though.

Are you a lesbian, "a biological women who is same sex attracted" as per the OP teflontania?

If so, please feel free "to tell non lesbian women how we can help support them and be allies to them through the current struggle and abuse from within their own community." as per the OP.

If not, what are you doing here, as it is obviously not to offer support?

Oh! You are trolling, aren't you! You do know that trolls get banned, don't you?

Oh dear teflon... policing lesbians’ behaviour on the (checks thread title) lesbian support thread?

Vicky I agree with you and will always defend lesbians’ right to their sexuality and their word. Incredible that this even needs saying in 2019!

I’ve seen formerly hetero couples “come out” as lesbians when the (former) husband transitions (transbian/cisbian) and even two transwomen (ie both male) declare themselves lesbians... then decree that female homosexuals are not real lesbians! WTAF!

In a world of gay, pansexual, bisexual and “queer”, surely homogenderals can find a word that works for them without appropriating from another group.

I stand with lesbians although sorry, this post was a bit ranty rather than supportive 😬 I need to donate again to an org mentioned upthread 💚

Oh dear teflon... policing lesbians’ behaviour on the (checks thread title) lesbian support thread?

Seeing as the thread, and indeed the forum, is dominated by heterosexual women giving their 'expert' opinions on lesbians that's a bit rich.

forum, is dominated by heterosexual women giving their 'expert' opinions on lesbians that's a bit rich

Eh? How do you know who’s a lesbian and who isn’t?

Totally did not get the expert opinion thing either (unless understanding that lesbians are women who are same sex attracted makes me an expert, in which case go me!)

Eh? How do you know who’s a lesbian and who isn’t?

I'm not Sherlock Holmes but the regular occurrence of phrases such as 'I'm not a lesbian but...' might be described as clues.

OK - hands up who's a lesbian on this thread?

I am.

How about just going back and finding how many have contributed compared to heterosexual women giving their 'expertise' on supposed issues between trans women and lesbians.

Estimates are around 5-7% of the population are gay, so unless a forum is specifically for lesbians, they’re never going to ‘dominate’ it. I think a greater proportion of posters here are lesbians than in the general population, although it’s just a guess because not everyone talks about their sexuality

The thread is about how straight women can support lesbians, so not unreasonable to find straight women posting here

And the expert opinion thing Teflon?

I’m totally hoping to learn that I’m an expert-don’t leave me hanging!

Anyway, what was your point again?

heterosexual women giving their 'expertise' on supposed issues between trans women and lesbians

This heterosexual woman understands that a woman in a relationship with a male is not in a lesbian relationship

Am I an expert now?

The thread is about how straight women can support lesbians, so not unreasonable to find straight women posting here

Actually it starts off with 'I want to create a new thread to invite our lesbian sisters to tell non lesbian women how we can help support them...' which kind of implies that the OP was hoping that more than 4 or 5 lesbians (at a quick glance) might be contributing. Given that this forum has a reputation for being one of the main places where supposed problems regarding trans people are discussed you'd think lesbians would be flocking here in their hundreds and thousands to take part in the debate. If I was a lesbian feeling I was being erased I'd make damn sure I was on the main forum fighting for my rights. As I've said before, maybe the majority don't agree with you though.

If I was a lesbian feeling I was being erased I'd make damn sure I was on the main forum fighting for my rights

Ah, so your point is that lesbians don’t mind being erased?

What’s your definition of ‘lesbian’ teflon?

So good to make sure we have a common understanding of terms before we get going

Ah, so your point is that lesbians don’t mind being erased?

The majority clearly don't feel they are being erased.

And I love the argument that it’s totes ok to oppress some people if others don’t object

It’s an interesting approach, I’ll give you that

Sorry teflon - definition of ‘lesbian’?

Hard to chat if we don’t have a common understanding

Shit or get off the pot, Teflon. How do you support lesbians?