Beauty regime burdens

[Sunkisses]

Given recent threads on make up and false nails that have produced much debate and defensiveness, I thought a thread highlighting all the ever more elaborate and costly things and products women are expected to do to their appearance now could be illuminating. Particularly new things, or things that have become a lot more mainstream. Men are not expected to 'groom' and spend so much time/money on their appearance, and many women think just because they 'choose' to, it's not a feminist issue. It is, particularly the messages we send our daughters that our purpose is to be decorative. Things like:
Push up bras
Leg hair removal
Pubic hair removal, especially waxing and Brazilians - ouch
Underarm hair removal
False eyelashes
Eyebrow threading
Hair that costs a fortune (highlights etc)
Body contouring underwear
Botox and fillers
Plastic surgery like breast implants
Hair extensions
Fake tan
False fingernails

Time to dig out Naomi Klein's 'The Beauty Myth' again. Haven't read it in years! I just wish more women were more self-aware that their 'choices' are not done in a vacuum, and that 'choosing' something in a sexist society is not 'feminism'. Who coined the term 'choice feminism'? It's brilliant

Hm. The only one I do on that list is underarm hair removal. I'm weighing up whether to stop that & it’s interesting to see how uncomfortable I am at the thought.

Naomi Wolf wrote the Beauty Myth, I believe.
I agree with a lot of this. It’s very complex, but it is a feminist issue. Yes, people choose to do things, but no choice is truly free for any person. However, just refusing to do grooming when we do so many other things that hold up the patriarchy probably isn’t the definitive solution to the problem. That doesn’t mean it’s not a feminist issue though.

I’ve done three of those in the distant past. Now I don’t do any and I won’t be starting again.

We really need to be getting rid of gender.

If we could get to the stage where none of the above list was actually linked to female sex stereotypes (thinking of blokes who cite their pink skirts / gold lame purses / tiaras / shaved legs as evidence of being women) then there would (hopefully) be much less pressure on actual women to do all this.

Frequent dieting for women who aren't overweight
Pressure not to wear the same outfit twice in front of the same people
Teeth whitening
Eyelash extensions
Make up contouring
Does having no functional pockets count as a beauty regime burden?
Unwalkable heels

I don't feel pressure to do most of those things (actually, Only leg shaving and yesterday went out happily with hairy legs in shorts )

Neither do lots of my friends (40s 50s)

It's not that I don't care how I look. I just don't choose this particular artificial/tinkered look

There is something very democratic about the new beauty standards though. It is now all about effort, and how much time and money you spend, instead of natural beauty (what you are born with). Girls who look average can make themselves look amazing (by modern standards) with all the stuff you list.

Young women take control of their appearance and do not accept what they are born with.

Most seem happy enough, so is it a problem? If so, why?

The only item on that list I personally feel socially expected to do is leg hair removal. However I am in my forties. When I look at my female relatives in their late teens and early twenties, I think they are much more expected to take part in that list. They all have long hair (when did that become a thing? V rare to see teen girls with short hair at all these days), fake tan, manicures, contouring etc etc.

Oh yes Naomi Wolf, not Naomi Klein (of No Logo, the Shock Doctrine and This Changes Everything fame)

Yes, compulsory long hair. Me and my DDs watched the St Winifred's Girls Choir singing 'Grandma we love you' on Top Of The Pops on YouTube the other day (for an it of nostalgia, it was the 70s for any youngsters here) and I was struck by how many girls had pudding basin or bobbed hair. I had bobbed hair throughout girlhood and so wasn't distracted by endless hair brushing. I was also blessed with great parents who both told me that beauty was about your actions, and that natural beauty was way better than fake and artificial beauty. Great attitudes that have helped with self esteem throughout my life

EmpressLesbian
"Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
Hey baby, take a walk on the wild side" - Lou Reed.

And yes yes to the long hair! My friend is a hairdresser whose younger DD, now 14, has a short style with an undercut and is relentlessly and mercilessly bullied for it. She looks great and because her mum is good at her job, her hair is well cut, but no, it's not "normal" so must be shamed. Her older sister is 18 and has hair to her waist.

Sheila Jeffreys' beauty and misogyny is really good

www.theguardian.com/world/2005/jul/02/gender.politicsphilosophyandsociety

I hate how policed it all is.

I've heard of young women with autism with no interest in these things being forcibly shaved /plucked to conform in a world that is going to treat us dreadfully regardless.

Working in the women's sector it seems like an untouched aspect of misogyny. Like you can't criticize it because it is a 'choice'.
Talking about dieting, make up etc is constant.

www.angelfire.com/or/sociologyshop/hurts.html good diagram by Andrea dworkin linked from here

www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2019/02/22/asia-pacific/social-issues-asia-pacific/south-korean-women-ditch-makeup-escape-corset-rebellion-ideals-beauty/#.XPN5iHMo80M the most interesting analysis on this topic currently is from the 'escape the corset' movement from South Korea imo

I'd say my 16 yo DD spends between 1-2 hours a day on beauty on average. Her hair is time consuming to manage but there's also make up, tinting eyebrows, fake tan, hair removal, face masks etc. I keep pointing out that whilst girls are doing this, boys her age have that time to be doing active things in the world, though to be fair they're probably mostly wanking and playing Fortnite.... I spend practically no time.

• Young women take control of their appearance and do not accept what they are born with.

Most seem happy enough, so is it a problem? If so, why?*

In my experience there is a reverse correlation between happiness / satisfaction and the effort expended/results obtained

so that the people doing it are not really happy. And the policing is as much by other women as by men, with the men being easier to ignore.

One of the few benefits for me of getting older has been my body hair thinning to non existence so that I do not notice it day by day

Not sure whether this is connected, but I now keep the hair on my head slightly and have regular blow dries. Sigh.

My dh's feet are baby soft because he's walked around in socks and comfy trainers his whole life. I don't do much beauty stuff that I resent but it not being particularly 'acceptable' for most women to do this really bugs me.

I don't even wear heels much but ballet flat type shoes with pop socks are just not as comfy!

That starts young too, the shoe thing.

And I think it's worse than it was 30 years ago.
When I was at school I could wear kickers or DMs.

Now most or all girls have quite flimsy shoes with no arch support that are useless in bad weather.

Girls also seem to often have handbag style schoolbags in late primary so they have all the weight on their extended arm.

I wear blundstones or trainers usually but I do worry I won't be seen as professional.
But I would get such bad joint pain if I did wear heels and I wouldn't be able to walk in them.

I’ve never been able to do make up so a big uh-huh to anyone who suggests that makeup is meritocratic and we can all look beautiful if we just try.

I’ve done some of the above but have basically spent my whole life doing what I want, much to my wonderful ex-H’s annoyance.

I live in walking shoes or comfy sandals when it’s hot, & have a pair of low-heeled shoes living under my desk at work.

Heels look too bloody uncomfortable.

yes, it's the time. i am very time poor and increasingly resent anything that sucks up valuable time. i got into korean skincare, and it did make my skin look great, but it's just not as important as spending time with my kids, reading the paper, embroidery, mumsnetting, exercising, the committee work I do for a local group, various little bits of feminist activism and, best of all sleeping, so it had to go

when you're spending 3 hours every 6 weeks getting your highlights done, an hour every couple of weeks having your nails done, half an hour every day doing chemical peels / face masks, an hour a day washing and drying your hair etc, what could you be doing instead?

Well, I will continue to shave armpits and legs cos I hate most body hair (not waxing lady garden - only tidy it a bit). I wear make up for me and only me cos I love colour!

I haven't worn heels for ages as I cannot walk in them and laugh when I see other women stamping along in them/leaning on boyfriends for support.

oh yes, I shave my legs and armpits, don't think i'll be stopping. but it's worth being aware that the decision to do it is not made in a vacuum