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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Paying for swimming lessons in a block/ periods

498 replies

Aquifolium · 07/05/2019 22:25

Hi,

My daughter’s have attended swimming lessons at the local pool for many years. Their attendance has always been spot on. Now they have started their periods they are missing one or 2 sessions a month.
I have contacted the manager to ask if there has been any thought out into this phenomenon, and the reply is of course, they can use tampons, which are perfectly safe.

I wasn’t addressing this issue in a ‘what are you going to do about it’ kind of way, but the dismissive response I have had from the manager has pissed me off.
I feel that my daughters are at a disadvantage now, and that I am paying out for lessons (block booking only)they can’t take up.
Has anyone else done anything about this issue before? Got anywhere?
TIA

OP posts:
Athrawes · 07/05/2019 23:28

There is apparently leakproof swimwear available. Modibodi are one company, based in Australia - and the Australians live at the beach, so might be worth trying?

DecomposingComposers · 07/05/2019 23:34

Aquifolium

I didn't really catch the drift of it. Our swimming club was once a week on a Friday. You either went or you didn't. Not sure when you would use up the "holiday" sessions. And if they miss one week a month that's quite a lot to catch up on at some point surely? How would it work?

Aquifolium · 07/05/2019 23:34

Athrawes, a pp has linked that, so I might give it’s a go.

I’m not sure how relevant what stage they are at is?

OP posts:
DecomposingComposers · 07/05/2019 23:37

I've just read the holiday post again. I really can't see how it would work unless the pool offers lessons on multiple days per week so if you don't go 1 week you can go twice the next.

As I said, our club only met once a week so if you missed that session there was no alternative.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 07/05/2019 23:37

It just feels like you're setting us back. Not looking for solutions really. You're saying I can't do this because I'm a woman not hell, I'm going to find a way. If you feel so strongly about not paying (which was your issue) then don't. Periods aren't new.

Aquifolium · 07/05/2019 23:38

It was the housewife of Cheshire who suggested it on p2.
I guess they have built in flexibility so that if you can’t make it on Wednesday you can go into another session on say Friday, but it has to be used within the block you have booked, so you can’t carry it over.

Come back, housewife of Cheshire and explain how it works!

OP posts:
SleepingSloth · 07/05/2019 23:50

I’m not sure how relevant what stage they are at is?

I suppose because most kids are not still having lessons at 12 or 14. Not that they shouldn't of course.

I would be tempted to just let them go swimming without having lessons if they can swim. They can still do the same stuff and maybe go twice one week if they have missed the previous week.

RainbowMum11 · 07/05/2019 23:56

I’m not sure how relevant what stage they are at is?

Because it sounds more like training than lessons, and also the same choice about a pp DS missing his lessons for dance shows - it's still choices.

Come on, there are options.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 07/05/2019 23:58

This is an issue for you and your daughters to work out.
If they don't want to use tampons they absolutely shouldn't. But then you suck it up and lose the money.
They have reserved places in the lesson. The business can not re sell those spaces. Why should the business lose out?

Aquifolium · 08/05/2019 00:00

Well, Usually, there are a couple of really good suggestions on here; solutions that are workable on a personal level and on a structural level.

So I’m not sure how this sets anyone back

I’m interested to see how many people think tampons and sucking it up is the thing to do.

I’m saddened by comments of people who struggled with this stage themselves and felt pressure to use tampons.

I will read again in the morning but just wanted to thank people for posting and say good night Flowers

I

OP posts:
MumUnderTheMoon · 08/05/2019 00:05

You don't seriously believe that the patriarchy got together and decided to charge for swimming lessons in blocks as some sort of period tax. The fact is that no matter why a child misses a lesson they still have to pay for it. I could see having an issue with it if someone with the flu got refunded but girls on their period didn't but that's not what's happening here. Swimming instructors still need to get payed regardless of wether or not your daughters are having their period. If they won't use tampons or cups then either continue to pay for lessons including the ones they won't go to or tell them that you will starts paying for them again once they have mastered tampons and can go every week. This isn't a conspiracy it's just life.

RainbowMum11 · 08/05/2019 00:06

I never felt pressure to use tampons at all, but I know that if I wanted to continue my hobbies like swimming, then it was easiest - plus my DM always used them so was very used to them, they were normal as I was growing up.

Applesandpears23 · 08/05/2019 00:13

A practical suggestion if there are enough girls in the class is to overbook the class 5 girls in 4 slots should mean there are only 4 girls there most weeks. So you could charge each girl 80% of full price. Run the risk they all end up in sync. Less of an issue with say a group of 15.

Goosefoot · 08/05/2019 00:17

This is annoying, but I think since you are really paying to reserve the spot, there is not much to be done with a group lesson type arrangement.

I think in some ways we've actually lost flexibility for girls in sports with regard to menstruation. There was a time girls were allowed to sit out, almost expected to, and now it seems that in the name of saying girls and boys are equal, it's not really accepted as an excuse. Some girls don't need it, but for some it really is a problem. I've seen in dance classes as well where there is just no accommodation for the fact that the girls might need to wear a pad, even for the youngest girls of nine or ten. The idea that some people might not be able to wear a tampon or cup alone is also never acknowledged, I never could on heavy days as a teen.

It might be worth thinking about whether you could make a more flexible private lesson arrangement with someone - it could end up cheaper in terms of cost per class you actually attend.

EllenRachel · 08/05/2019 00:26

Like others have said, I'd look into the period proof swim wear like modibodi.

However, I swam at a club level growing up and started my periods at 14 so had already discussed it with friends and went straight to tampons from my first period. I wouldn't (obviously) make them, but would reassure and encourage them to see if they wanted to try.

OvaHere · 08/05/2019 01:07

Do you have a local swimming club? My DS (12) attends a swim club, we pay a one off yearly club fee then a few quid pay as you go weekly fee.

This suits us as his group meet on a Friday night, every so often he misses a session due to weekend plans but it doesn't matter because you only pay the weekly fee if you attend the session.

OkPedro · 08/05/2019 01:37

That sounds great ovahere
op if your daughters are not having swimming lessons anymore surely they can skip a swim session when they have their period? Same as my dd who hates swimming if she has a cold so she’ll miss that session if she is feeling unwell. I think you’re overreacting

PerspicaciaTick · 08/05/2019 02:37

If they don't want to use tampons (different from you not wanting them to use tampons) then maybe give up on the swimming lessons and just take them to a regular weekly session on a pay as you go basis.
I know there are apps that offer swimming training advice and info on how to construct an effective session, but I don't know if these can be used by children.
How are they coping with school swimming lessons, are the teachers understanding or are they getting pressure from that direction too?

CharlieParley · 08/05/2019 03:43

Our council completely cut swimming lessons a few years ago, so unless parents can afford to pay, we've now got a lot of kids who can't swim. Even at 12 or 14.

And I would not ask any child to use a tampon who wasn't ready for them, I didn't start until I was 16 or 17 and found it painful even then at first. Have not been able to use any since the birth of DC2, but wouldn't now anyway as a friend of mine had TSS and almost died. When tampons work, great. They don't for me. And I know a lot of younger girls who don't want them either. I see nothing wrong with that.

As for the swimming lessons. Yes, the girls are disadvantaged here because of their biology. However, it is in the nature of this type of business that they need to fill a certain number of slots in order to make lessons financially viable. There are also no refunds for missed lessons for other, equally understandable reasons, because the money you've paid for the block is already accounted for and the lesson has happened ie costs have occurred to the swimming instructor and/or the pool. It is different if the lesson itself is cancelled of course.

This principle also applies to my children's judo and tennis lessons - booked in a block, paid for in advance and if you miss any, your instructor cannot sell the slot to someone else because these are regular slots (and your girls aren't missing the exact same time in the month, so not even a timeshare type arrangement where someone else books that one slot would be feasible).

I understand your frustration though, it always is such a waste when we miss any class we've paid for. I also understand that you're pondering how fair this is for girls in general and for your daughters in particular, but this is I'm afraid one of those situations where they do have to learn to navigate inhabiting a female body in a world where the default is male. That's not an accusation of a big bad patriarchal conspiracy against girls, it's simply an observation. A world where the default is female would of course have developed methods of accommodating young girls learning to manage menstruating and this issue would not have arisen at all.

Although I do agree with PP that we should empower our girls to make sure that their bodily functions don't hold them back, I also agree with you that this can be difficult at first. I was normally ill during the first few years of menstruating, so swimming was never an option for me and I sat the lessons out (school lessons at age 15, still had to attend though).

I hope you find a solution that works for you and your girls.

Catren · 08/05/2019 04:00

It does seem unfair on an individual to individual basis, but the school would lose out. However, my dds swim school allows us to mark future absences (up to 24 hours before the lesson) and book make up sessions. So her normal spot is made free for others to do a make up session. That means no one is disadvantaged. Can you suggest that to the swim school or is that unlikely to fly?

Catren · 08/05/2019 04:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catren · 08/05/2019 04:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catren · 08/05/2019 04:03

Sorry! Ive asked mnhq for the repeat posts to be deleted

Youngandfree · 08/05/2019 07:30

For the record I never said they “should”
use a tampon I just asked why they don’t.

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 08/05/2019 07:32

I understand your point aqu, it's annoying when they regularly can't use their pre paid slot

My dd has never been able to use a tampon

Hopefully one of the suggestions someone has made on here will be of some help to you

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