How would you feel about having a male midwide

[Lardlizard]

Just interested in the points of view

@JustAnotherWoman are you seriously accusing me of being some sort of shill?

I would not like it. I also have female GP.

why do some women think that ALL men are out to mollest them!!

Because (at least in the US) 1 of 3 women experience forced sexual contact by men. I'm very happy for you if you've never experienced any type of unwanted forced sexual contact - you are fortunate to be part of the 66% and should reflect on that when considering concerns about other women's intimate care. And if you (general you) can't attempt to put yourself in someone else's shoes, you fail at empathy (or when empathy is impossible sensitivity to) and would be a person I would certainly reject care/services from in any instance (HCP or not including but not limited to teaching, customer service, finance).

As I haven't had children, and don't know all of the things a midwife performs I would ask many questions about their utility prior to coming to a conclusion. I personally don't accept care from anyone that I haven't had at least a cursory conversation with to determine if I'm comfortable with them (whether male or female). It works differently for us in the US though as our care is primarily private care (we pay insane $$$$$$$$ for simple things).

Not accusing but statistically the numbers of posters on here who have had male midwives is weird, against all the babies born. Obviously the subject matter would skew the responses some but it still feels out of kilter

Late to the party here, but I wouldn’t be bothered if I had a male midwife.

I wouldn’t mind on the grounds of their being male. I’d only object if they were unpleasant.

I don’t think a male midwife is going to molest me and I do not have a history of abuse. I just want such an intensely womanly process as giving birth to be as woman focussed as possible. As I said earlier, when I ironically referred to “woman’s mysteries” I think there is a strong case for keeping some things single sex if at all possible.

You've mentioned females understanding what PMS feels like and therefore understanding depression indicates this issue. I've got no idea what PND feels like. I can't even begin to imagine it. I've never had it

Nor me. I experienced very heavy periods but PMS? No idea.

Now why would that be

We must akk be lying of course.

all

I just want such an intensely womanly process as giving birth to be as woman focussed as possible. As I said earlier, when I ironically referred to “woman’s mysteries” grin I think there is a strong case for keeping some things single sex if at all possible.

And yet that fills me with horror. I don't get a sense of support, comfort or camaraderie from women. I feel judged, not good enough and ashamed so if I felt my only option was to have female midwives I don't know what I would do.

I think choice is so important. Let us, as women, choose who touches us.

Here's hoping you aren't descended upon by the pack who's just criticised and questioned me for 2 pages for saying that 'out loud'

To be honest I find all this " oh another woman who is a mother/ has had pms etc " will be so much better is infantilising nonsense.

I am not a midwife- my only experience of giving birth was a very calm, elective caeserean. It wasn't even necessary but they gave me a choice and I took it. How does that have any bearing on any other pregnant woman except someone exactly in the same position and with the same attitude as me?

I just want such an intensely womanly process as giving birth to be as woman focussed as possible. As I said earlier, when I ironically referred to “woman’s mysteries” grin I think there is a strong case for keeping some things single sex if at all possible

And yet that fills me with horror. I don't get a sense of support, comfort or camaraderie from women. I feel judged, not good enough and ashamed so if I felt my only option was to have female midwives I don't know what I would do

I don't feel ashamed or judged but I certainly don't buy into this notion of sisterhood that simply being a woman who has given birth means you are better qualified to be a midwife than one who hasn't.

First birth was emergency forceps performed by male consultant surrounded by a large crowd of male and female students. Will never forget how consultant came up to me after delivery to reassure me all was well with my baby and me - he couldn't have been more sympathetic and kind.

Sewed up by young extremely handsome male registrar - now that was embarrassing, particularly as he visited next day to inspect the stitches.

Conclusion: male midwife okay if he looks like Quasimodo but with empathy of an angel.

Nor me. I experienced very heavy periods but PMS? No idea.

Yes but there are many women who have experienced PMS and who do have an insight into hormone related mood disorders and depression, especially in relation to the demands of motherhood.

The equivalent number of malesvqho would have this would be - zero.

That is my point, not sure why I had to explain it. Some posters in this thread remind me of aibu threads, you begin to wonder if they are arguing and being obtuse for the sake of it.

Ideally I like midwives who have given birth themselves but since lots of female midwives haven’t male wouldn’t bother me I don’t think. I’ve had a Male doctor do my stitches after birth and Male consultant examine me and it didn’t trouble me. Both were excellent

@LassOfFyvie

For the fifteen hundredth time, I wasn't talking about birth.

Midwives are responsible for you and your baby or babies from pregnancy until potentially months after birth. That covers a lot - physically, mentally, emotionally etc. with potential for 'low mood' due to hormonal changes, breast feeding difficulties and the fact that,even with the most involved partner, motherhood puts a unique strain on a birth mother.

I'd prefer a woman who has experienced it first hand as my midwife but would not object to a woman who hadn't, as happened bin my case.

Not sure how that is "infantilising nonsense". That's pretty offensive, as no doubt it was intended to be

Oh and I forgot to mention (already mentioned upthread but since apparently I have to defend it again) - the impact on the relationship between the parents, and the particular position the mother finds herself in, usually off on maternity, mostly or wholly responsible for a newborn while the partner is back at work after 2 weeks, on reducing maternity pay etc etc.

It's difficult for a man to fully appreciate being in that position (unless he's the sahp, which is uncommon, but he still wouldn't be doing any breastfeeding and still wouldn't have the hormonal changes or birth injuries/wounds).

But this is just be more infantilising nonsense I guess.

Ideally I like midwives who have given birth themselves

Be careful now; you're infantilising women and talking nonsense .

Midwives are responsible for you and your baby or babies from pregnancy until potentially months after birth

In the UK ? Who sees a midwife after they have left the hospital?

It is infantilising nonsense because it promotes the idea that women are incapable of dealing with normal life unless they have someone who has shared the same experiences holding their hand and oozing empathy.

You are also assuming that all women are the same. I loved being pregnant- sailed through on a cloud of lovely hormones. On the other hand I loathed breastfeeding - it was the most unhappy time of my life.

In the UK ? Who sees a midwife after they have left the hospital?

What?!
Community midwives. You see them both at your hospital appointments and after at home. Op did not specify hospital (labour ward) midwives or community midwives, just midwife.

It is infantilising nonsense because it promotes the idea that women are incapable of dealing with normal life unless they have someone who has shared the same experiences holding their hand and oozing empathy.

If that's what you've got from what I've written then - seriously, whatever you want to believe ..
I don't need someone oozing empathy, I just prefer someone who doesn't suggest stupid shit because they don't realise it's stupid. Not do I have any notion of the "sisterhood" theory you raised either.

You are also assuming that all women are the same.

Pot, kettle.

And actually I haven't, I said it's my personal preference and why, several times now.

To be fair Moralitym1n1 you are also assuming that midwives have got more than about 2 and a half minutes to spend with a new mum. Not sure how much support and empathy is really being given.

I asked for help breastfeeding - the midwife grabbed my boob, and rammed it into the baby's mouth and walked away. Can't say I felt much empathy or solidarity.

Maybe many of us have had such poor quality of care that it is difficult to comprehend the romanticised version being put forward.

Just out of curiosity, wonder if men (the fathers to be) prefer the midwife to be female.

The community midwife visited me several times post birth at home. She was a godsend and when I told ger how much pain i was still in even a week later, she had a look and sniped my stitches which were way too tight and the immediate relief was incredible