How would you feel about having a male midwide

[Lardlizard]

Just interested in the points of view

women are incapable of dealing with normal life

What on earth are you referring to - pregnancy, birth, trying to establish breast feeding, the baby blues, new motherhood, birth injuries, the impact on your marriage/relationship etc. is not actually normal life for first time mother and not even so for second etc children (unless we're talking a woman who has a very large family, a child every year or something) .... they are exceptionally demanding, vulnerable and often stressful experiences and periods in women's lives.

*To be fair Moralitym1n1 you are also assuming that midwives have got more than about 2 and a half minutes to spend with a new mum. Not sure how much support and empathy is really being given.

I asked for help breastfeeding - the midwife grabbed my boob, and rammed it into the baby's mouth and walked away. Can't say I felt much empathy or solidarity.

Maybe many of us have had such poor quality of care that it is difficult to comprehend the romanticised version being put forward.*

You seem to have assumed things from my posts that Im not saying.

I think most of them are shite. I think they're rushed/understaffed ( of feel they are).

But I also think that, for me personally, one who has no personal experience of pregnancy, labour, birth, breastfeeding, baby related sleep deprivation, the pressure of trying to monitor and ensure a newborn's weight gain, health etc., the impact on your relationship with your partner (who is generally back to work after 14 days), your mood and the impact of hormonal changes on it, trying to cope with birth injuries/wounds, trying to stay on top of household tasks etc etc .... Is even less likely to understand and be realistic and helpful than someone who has experienced all that first hand. No matter how special snowflake-y we are, there are things that the vast majority of parents experience in common (as any brief chat with one usually demonstrates).

Maybe many of us have had such poor quality of care that it is difficult to comprehend the romanticised version being put forward

And vice versa one assumes

No matter how special snowflake-y we are, there are things that the vast majority of parents experience in common (as any brief chat with one usually demonstrates).

In which case then a male midwife who is a parent has more experience than a female midwife that isn't.

It’s funny, isn’t it, how men only have to be adequate at any traditional women’s role-primary school teaching, midwifery, parenting- to be considered amazing!

In which case then a male midwife who is a parent has more experience than a female midwife that isn't.

"one who has no personal experience of; pregnancy
labour
Birth
Breastfeeding
the impact on your relationship with your partner (who is generally back to work after 14 days)
Your mood and the impact of hormonal changes on it
Trying to cope with birth injuries/wounds"

(I haven't included other things that would by far fall to the sahp who is usually the woman).

So you read all that but decided to quote only the part where I mention parents and say "aha, so you're saying a male parent would be better than a female non parent as a midwife!". Seriously?

This is the sort of thing I was referring to when i said some posters in this thread are like aibu posters, determining to argue for the sake of arguing and clutching at straws (of purposefully cherry picking random things from posts while ignoring others).

• determined

But I also think that, for me personally, one who has no personal experience of pregnancy, labour, birth, breastfeeding, baby related sleep deprivation, the pressure of trying to monitor and ensure a newborn's weight gain, health etc., the impact on your relationship with your partner (who is generally back to work after 14 days), your mood and the impact of hormonal changes on it, trying to cope with birth injuries/wounds, trying to stay on top of household tasks etc etc .... Is even less likely to understand and be realistic and helpful than someone who has experienced all that first hand.

I haven't experienced it first hand but I've worked with over 300 women who have.
Can you not gain experience of how to support women through actually supporting women.

Wonderful to see the sisterhood is strong here.

Naw don’t want male midwife. Just don’t

Good enough for me the fact I don’t want one

Should be for anyone else that doesn’t want a male midwife either

No need for deep navel,gazing

I think that a woman should have every right to refuse a male midwife because they just don't want one, however I don't think that male midwives are worse/better at their jobs than women.

I had a male community midwife who was great. I understand why some people may be uncomfortable, but I think you just realise as you get older and have more medical procedures and childbirth, that nakedness is ok. Medical professionals see it all the time and are more focused on the acute management than sexual implications.

Many patients do not have a choice in the sex of their O&G drs as it is not possible staffing wise.

And I certainly don't believe you get an insight into every pregnant woman/postnatal woman's experience just because you have given birth yourself.

Yeah you cool if you want one. But I don’t. And my nakedness is mine to show where I want to

My boundaries

I don't know about that. As I have got older, I have come to appreciate female HCP much more and I don't give a fuck about what they may have or have not seen. It is my body, my choice.

think you just realise as you get older and have more medical procedures and childbirth, that nakedness is ok.

Pardon?
Do you really think that women don't want a male doing private examinations on them because they are not ok with nakedness or are somehow immature?

Are you completely ignoring the outrageous number of women who have been sexually assaulted or just feel vulnerable with a male?

But I also think that, for me personally, one who has no personal experience of pregnancy, labour, birth, breastfeeding, baby related sleep deprivation, the pressure of trying to monitor and ensure a newborn's weight gain, health etc., the impact on your relationship with your partner (who is generally back to work after 14 days), your mood and the impact of hormonal changes on it, trying to cope with birth injuries/wounds, trying to stay on top of household tasks etc etc .... Is even less likely to understand and be realistic and helpful than someone who has experienced all that first hand. No matter how special snowflake-y we are, there are things that the vast majority of parents experience in common (as any brief chat with one usually demonstrates).

@Moralitym1n1 this was your post. You listed more than you highlighted in your reply.

You are the one who keeps saying that it's important for your hcp to have gone through these in order to fully understand - surely a dad is more likely to understand many of them (which from your own examples aren't limited to mums) than a woman that hasn't given birth?

My daughter is just turned 28 and I had a c section, all the staff in the operating room, apart from one female midwife were male. They all did a great job and made sure she was born safe and well.

In those days male midwives were few and far between, if they even existed at all. My first child born in 1985 was an induced labour and I remember the female midwife breaking my waters and doing very intimate examinations during induction without a chaperone. That was no problem at all for me at the time and my son was born healthy after a long labour.

I still don't feel I would have allowed a man to put his hand up and examine my cervix to check progress without a chaperone. Male gynaecologists usually ask for a chaperone to be present and I feel male midwives should offer the same option.

Why do pp keep persisting in making this about males are great MWs and women are not, its derailing.

It's not about a competition between the sexes.

It's about who a woman is comfortable to share her female intimate experience with, I.e. not a male body!

Its not about someone being a father or a mother, but being supported by a woman, not a man.

There is quite a big difference and the NHS cannot afford to double up on staff simple because men want access rights to women's bodies. Eeerrrgh!

Sorry...it's derailing...AND sexist

A consultant delivered my baby, male. I’ve never given it any thought.

I said I understand why some people prefer a female. And absolutely it’s someone’s decision who does anything to their body.

But in my experience I think people do chill a bit more when they have more experiences. It is not always possible to obtain a professional of the preferred sex at the time, so I guess patients can choose to wait or have whoever is available.

I do find it weird why some people r ok with male gynae but not midwife. But I also think there should be a chaperone when this is the case.

Ah, so it's a case of 'chilling out' and not being so uptight. It's because you're too inexperienced.
Well I've had a lot of experience and I'm quite 'chill' about saying 'no' now whereas before I probably wouldn't have been.
Gynaecologists aren't midwives btw so not very 'weird' at all.

simple because men want access rights to women's bodies. Eeerrrgh!

This gets funnier and funnier.
So now all those male midwives and ob/gyns are putting them through years of study simpy to get access to women's bodies!
There are cheaper and simpler ways you know.

It's always good to laugh at women's boundaries.