How would you feel about having a male midwide

[Lardlizard]

Just interested in the points of view

I think the undertone of ‘I Had a male midwife and he was soooo much better than the female’ is probably what has got a few people’s backs up. The majority of posts giving positive accounts of the care they received from the men have got a negative about a women in them

But this was true for me. Generally speaking though my whole care was inconsistent. I had the rough uncaring impatient female midwife first who hurt me, then the male midwife who didn’t hurt me even though I was much further along and in agony. Both then went off shift and I then had a team of two females, one of whom was matter of fact and not massively interested and one who was lovely and did everything she could to help me feel comfortable even silly little things but they helped calm me.

I reiterate though that I reserve the right to choose the sex of my medical care provider and respect everyone else’s right to. My dd has autism. She’d no more allow a man to examine her than she’d be able to fly unaided to the moon.

An emergency situation is obviously different.
But this is about when women have a choice, and they should always have a choice about who touches their bodies

It’s either ok or it isn’t to have a Male anywhere near your bits and bobs.

What exactly do you think a Male is going to do or think when he looks at your crowning baby that would be different to a female, I don’t follow why it is so unacceptable to have a Male then?

I don't know, I've never thought about it, I wouldn't have wanted one and that's fine. I don't have to justify it to anyone least of all the NHS who would have been totally fine with me requesting a female midwife.

ARDuke have you ever given birth? Those statements are in no way comparable?
But your inherent racism is showing

I don’t care what ptsd problems you have, what religion you are, you would love that Male midwife at that very moment he saved you and your child.

So we've had women compared to cars, the claim that somehow black women are not women, and now this gem.

BadPennyNoBiscuit

You cannot and should not compare my comments with a blatant racist.

ARDuke I understand where you are coming from.

But your question implies that the melanin in my skin (or anyone’s skin) makes me less of a woman than other women.

It is painful to read that here.

I don't think it would have bothered me. In labour and after I was seen by so many different people, male and female, for examinations, medication, in survey, etc. The fact the a midwife was male wouldn't have particular stood out to be at that time.
And I've had so many male doctors since including for intimate examinations and surgery - so not sure I'd be bothered at all.

TBH some of the female midwives were not entirely great so I'd just prefer a person who was compassionate and had time to listen regardless of their sex.

It’s either ok or it isn’t to have a Male anywhere near your bits and bobs.

That's completely illogical. Ordinarily if I am going about my business, I would be upset by a man deliberately touching my chest. If I collapsed in the street and needed CPR and the nearest first aider was a man then of course I'd accept a man touching my chest. Context is everything.

isabellerossignol

But giving birth isn’t just going about your business it is a medical procedure, of course in true MN style my comments have been taken out of context.
I don’t truly believe that if you are ok with a male midwife you should be ok with a strange man fumbling with your bits in the corner of Wetherspoons 😊

I think I might be unusual in saying that I feel more comfortable with a male midwife than with a male obstetrician / gynaecologist.

A midwife's role is to support and help a woman to give birth. A doctor (to me) has more of an authoritative role. I think the kind of man who chooses to be "the authority" about women's bodies differs from the kind of man who chooses to be a midwife.

Some of this is based on the attitudes of male doctors / medical students I have known personally.

I wouldn't care, but can see why people would.

I wish the bigoted racists and hard of thinking misogynists would have read the full thread this morning instead of blundering in with their 'mic drop' posts. Your ignorance has been addressed already! Clearly everyone taking their time to explain and telling their personal accounts for the benefit of educating fools like you were simply wasting their time. Maddening.

Fucking right sagrada

Stupid comments. And racism

That’s so funny (or it would be if it wasn’t racist) as if a penis has more in common with a white woman’s vagina than a white woman’s vagina has in common with a black woman’s or Jewish woman’s vagina! 😂

The whole point of sex segregated facilities or services is to put all the vagina people in one place and all the penis people in another. That’s why lesbians aren’t a problem in women’s prisons, but men are.
It’s not about race/sexuality/age or anything else. Just sex.

None of this means that men should be excluded from midwifery practice, it it does, however, mean that a woman who wants a female midwife is entitled to say so without being accused of bigotry or discrimination.

I don’t care what ptsd problems you have, what religion you are

No, you really don't, do you? Your lack of caring is writ large. As is your belief that women should not be allowed to set personal boundaries about their bodies that may offend and upset men.

You can frame it as being silly/irrational/racist/anything else you can grab on to legitimise it and try to shame women out of their boundaries. You can polish a turd all you like, it's still a turd. But crack on, you're providing a very helpful demonstration of the extreme misogyny and sexism under this 'modern' drive to strip women of sex based rights.

Racism, lesphobia and now anti-Semitism. It's unbelievable.

If black women, Jewish women and lesbians were committing 98% of all sexually violent crime, then you'd have a point.

If it was Jewish women yelling get your tits out from a passing car at you, relentlessly from the age of seven, then you'd have a point.

If the MeToo campaign had run to 11 million posts in under 24 hours all about lesbians, then you'd have point.

When a quarter of all women have experienced sexual assault or rape at the hands of black, Jewish lesbians, then you'd have a point.

And, if you truly think that women would put their boundaries above the imminent loss of life of their child, then you'd have a point.

Strewth. Women's boundaries really are offensive, aren't they?

You know what if I happened on this thread one of the first things I would think would be, there will be some terrible reasons why women don't want male midwives. And I might just bother to read the thread in case any of those women had shared their stories. And I then might post a response that didn't cause them further fucking distress.

It’s either ok or it isn’t to have a Male anywhere near your bits and bobs.

Rubbish.

I wouldnt be bothered by a male midwife if I was in the throes of labour to be honest, although I would prefer a female given the choice. That doesn't mean that if I was to go for a smear test or get an IUD fitted, I was totally compus mentus and was on my own, I would be OK with it being a man. I fact I would be totally uncomfortable with that and would probably specifically ask for a female instead.

I am childfree so this is completely hypothetical, and coming more from my other experiences with male doctors, male surgeons, and male gynecologists, in other physically intimate situations (abortion, LEEP, mastectomies and reconstruction). I am comfortable with either male or female, if they are respectful and competent towards me and my body. I have experience with both men and women who were, and men and women who weren’t.

However - and this is important - I think we all have a right to choose who is getting up intimate with our bodies.

This “but in an emergency!” and “but lesbians!” are nothing more than playing the red herring and false equivalency game - it is the argument of those who actually don’t have an argument.

The question was about what one would prefer when they have a choice, and I think it is perfectly acceptable for any woman to elect not to have a male midwife, just as I think it is also perfectly fine for any man to elect not to have a female urologist.

These are our bodies. We are given right to consent to medical treatment, to refuse medical treatment, to get surgery or not, to get a transfusion or not, and so on.

Why is it when a woman says she does not want a male doctor she is suddenly told “how dare she make choices about who sees and touches her body in a vulnerable situation”.

Oh right, that would be misogyny. It’s vile, and appalling there are posters here who think anyone has any right to tell another woman what she needs to do to push over and be comfortable with.

I wouldn't mind as long as they had a nice manner.
I've had some truly awful female midwives as well as some fantastic ones.
I have a male specialist nurse for my long term condition/disability (not pregnancy related) and we talk about all sorts of stuff and to be honest he had some of the best baby suggestions when I was struggling after having DS2 - which came from the fact that he has an amazing capacity to listen, give it to you straight and his wife had twins 6mths before me so knew quite a bit of what To do when you can't use both hands - his feeding suggestions were spot on!
I've also had male and female obstetricians and some were good, some were bad but it had nothing to do with their gender more their personality, manner and skill.

That's completely illogical. Ordinarily if I am going about my business, I would be upset by a man deliberately touching my chest. If I collapsed in the street and needed CPR and the nearest first aider was a man then of course I'd accept a man touching my chest. Context is everything.

For some of us, it's not that simple. I find adam's apples especially when viewed through my legs hugely triggering. Dc1 was born 4 years ago and was delivered by a man, I'm still in psychotherapy due to issues his arrival brought up and a male doctor (as lovely and kind as he was) contributed to that. Dh and I will have been together 20 years this year and I still can only have sex in the dark or in positions I can't see his adam's apple. I think it's a huge privilege to claim it doesn't matter whether a doctor is male or female. I wish it didn't matter to me.

I also presume that the people here don't work in care or at least I hope they don't. Offering choices and putting the person first is the foundation of this work. I have managed a number of care services in my time and if anyone on my team didn't offer a choice about which drink to have I wouldn't be happy, but we are hesitating about a choice of who puts their hands in our vaginas.

I wouldn't mind, had male consultants through IVF treatment

But every single birth is different.
Every woman experiences their birth in a different way.

I'm not referring to my to birth. I'm referring to all the other issues that midwives are supposed to help with before and especially after the birth.

Why are so many posters completely, exclusively fixated on only birth? I don't get it.

For the whole kit and kaboodle, I'd personally prefer a female who's had a child/ren and can fully, completely empathise (with all the facets of pregnancy, birth, breast feeding and (new) parenthood.