How would you feel about having a male midwide

[Lardlizard]

Just interested in the points of view

Given that the female midwives I experienced did a good line in cat's bum face/kept their back to me throughout appointments/ failed to come to my house after promising to/ telling my mil as I was being hospitalised and given morphine and antibiotics that they weren't allowed to mention formula feeding , I'm not sure a male midwife would be any shitter.

Was he called 1 then small canine? (say it out loud)

He was fantastic according to the other midwifes. I was lucky to have him.

I thought he was rude and arrogant and didn’t take ME into consideration. At all.

I was told I wouldn’t mind having him would I? A white woman like me in a large Muslim area. Silly other women but I’m sensible.

I couldn’t refuse as I couldn’t comprehend. I thought I was being tortured to death on a rack. Really.

I have one child....

So it might not have seemed like I minded but I did mind and I do mind and part of minding is because even after I complained about him he could do no wrong.

I’m over it...

One of my midwives was a lesbian (and had never had children) so that could partly be seen the same way. Didn't care one not.

For that to be seen in the same way one would have to believe that rapes and sexual assaults are to do with sexual attraction not power and violence.

I haven’t got time to RTFT as incidentally I am off for my daily monitoring session at the antenatal ward.

This isn’t about midwives (first baby tucked underneath my ribs so yet to deliver) but perhaps relevant.

My first intimate examination was by my lovely male GP (with a chaperone) who treated me with respect and dignity. I felt safe and listened to.

10 days ok I had a speculum examination in the middle of the night by a female registrar to see if I’d gone into preterm labour. She gave not one solitary shit about the pain I was in, did not acknowledge my fear or anxiety and generally treated me like dirt.

however

This is based on individuals. The argument here is absolutely rooted in class analysis. Until that is at the very least acknowledged then I don’t think arguing against the women who don’t want a male midwife is at all relevant.

I think it’s also having that shared biology with your caregiver/hcp that makes me feel more at ease

I would not care a jot. A male stitched me up (not sure if he was a surgeon or classed as midwife or what) and absolutely wouldn't of cared less so long as they are caring and good at their job.

I'm not sure a male midwife would be any shitter

It’s not about Male vs Female midwives.
I work in healthcare. It’s really hard to 1) get accepted into the (very oversubscribed) midwifery degree and 2) have the dedication to qualify.
No one is questioning their competence.

But, if a woman doesn’t want a male midwife, she should be able to voice that, and she doesn’t even have to give reason why! Her choice. End of all discussion for that particular woman.

I did. He was great. Same for my gynecologist. And my GP. And the consultant. Never was an issue for me.

122 male midwives in the country. All of them delivering Mumsnetter’s babies.......

bertrandrussell I’ve worked in antenatal clinics in 3 London hospitals, 1 in Bristol and 3 in Wales on and off in the past 20 years. I’ve met one.

Bertrand

Well my male midwife was based in London so I suppose that makes it more likely he delivered MN babies. He was just off to start work in a midwife led birthing centre which maybe attracted more MN types?

122 male midwives in the country. All of them delivering Mumsnetter’s babies....

Not only that, they were all amazing and far superior to the rubbish female ones.

If that is aimed at me @Bluestitch , you've missed my point . Or I didn't make it clearly enough. The training and quality issue needs to be addressed. I would probably have done a double take at a male midwife but I reached the point where the care I received was so poor (upheld at a formal complaint) that I would have just wanted a decent midwife and their sex wasn't relevant. I was subsequently diagnosed with PTSD and for a while was unable to be seen by a female nurse because tbe sight of one gave me terrible flashbacks. It was over 10 years ago.

122 male midwives in the country. All of them delivering Mumsnetter’s babies.......

Are you suggesting we're all lying?

I don’t know...I have a male dr. Atm I’ve not had a consistent midwife so it might not be too bad.

It also depends on the situation and at the end of the day I just want the best care I get.

“Are you suggesting we're all lying?

I’m not suggesting anything. Just observing....

Not aimed at any individual poster (I don't recall your comment) but various posts on this thread about how great they are, accompanied with a dig at female midwives. It happens on every thread about men who work in female dominated professions.

I’m not suggesting anything. Just observing....

Of course, of course

Yep. Same thing happens in threads about male teachers. It would be interesting to start a thread about male whatever-you-call-the-people -who -wax -off-pubic-hair and see if they are brilliant too.

Not only that, they were all amazing and far superior to the rubbish female ones.

Well I've not had one. But there may be a reason male midwives come across as better. Someone mentioned male primary school teachers and sarcastically said something like they're always so much better than the female ones. We have 2 male primary school teachers in our family. They are both very aware that they are sometimes viewed suspiciously and so they feel the need to go above and beyond to prove they are safe and good teachers. I would imagine male midwives may be aware that women may feel suspicious of them so the same may apply.

I used to work in care. A man only had to be average to be showered with praise, a woman had to be exceptional.

Some people on this thread have had good experiences with male midwives and have just mentioned the fact, anecdotally.

I don’t think anyone’s suggested that they’re universally brilliant or that everyone should have one. I’m sure there’s as many duds among them as there are among the female variety, Bertrand

Oh, they have... I’ve just seen it highlighted above!

Someone mentioned male primary school teachers and sarcastically said something like they're always so much better than the female ones.

I've worked with male primary school teachers. Most of them have been perfectly adequate, and tended to be quite laid back about everything, didn't really do much to go the extra mile or anything, but were pretty good teachers. They also tended to be very confident, for example when doing presentations to parents etc
However, it's seems the perception of them from SLT and the parents is always that they are amaaaaaaaaazing, so competent, such fantastic teachers, so much fun etc. I feel like they are held to a lower standard because they are male and therefore a novelty in primary schools, and the women have to work harder to get similar recognition. I remember one bloke and before he started it was like the second coming of the messiah was about to arrive at our school. He was fine. That's it.

Maybe it's the same for midwives?

Male teachers also make it up the ranks in primary schools much quicker than women and the number of male headteachers is way out of proportion to the number of male primary teachers. But obviously there are lots of reasons for that.

People keep banging on about seeing male doctors etc as if that's any way comparable to spending hours upon hours in your most vulnerable moment, shitting pissing yourself, screaming, losing control, becoming animalistic, regressing, etc with someone. It's a very very intimate time and it's completely understandable that a woman going through it would want to share it with another woman.